so mimihuyo uncle Uwesmake nimelewa mpaka asubuhi tao , nikaangukia kamomo kazuri from nairobi university acording to her but niliona nikanyoka ka sabina joy hivi , amekunywa guarana zangu, so i call alano my boy nikamshow am coming over with a snake which i dont know her intentions but who cares bora ako na kuma akasema isorait bora ntapiga fabregas after , as the ozil i am nikamwambia sawa . i couldnt go home coz niliacha Pires pekee yake na ps4 . so mimi huyo nikaambia nyoka naenda kwa loo then we chwaps. as i was entering the loo WTf i met a fully sized momo b4 the ladies and she was like " uncle uwes wachana na huyo dem twende nikupige BJ kwa gari" and as the faithfull bukusu i am nikamwambie " no please am married, but nisaidie namba ntakuingiza slim possible" nikapewa namba after kumpiga makiss kama ninety.
i went into the loo na hapo ndani nikapata boy wangu ochi anakamua dem, so nikamwambia ochi this is wrong bana you dont do this in a club , akanishow , wewe malaya mkubwa enda advise ule mama wa adopt a light , papo hapo nikanyamaza na kunyora , " onyi niaje kafabregas" akaniambia " fabregas ni wewe " . strangely enough no one cared what was happening, nikaenda.
back at the table i find this Brock Lesnar guy anakatia my snake , who was busy ignoring him , nikachukua Jet li pose and told him " chief heshima ndio kitu ilibaki hii Nairobi " and you know Jet Li can tap out Big Show or Overmeer any day , Jamaa aka check out the pose akakunja mkia then akasema , " uncle haina shida i was just advising the lady on how BODMAS is done " nikamwambia hizo BODMAS enda uambie ngombe kama @Jirani . jamaa akaenda.
After a gilbeys shot i told the yellow momo lets go dear , of which she coyly replied after touching my nether regions any day . this was around 7 am , so we go to the vehicle ( x6 btw ) and i make a call via bluetooth (si i already said ni x6) to my spinster neiba , mwenye mama clichy huwa anamuangalia kwa 18, nikamwambia kindly check on pires coz nimeshikana kiasi (as you all know i have 4 kids CLichy my favorite , Pires na Sanchez na kadem siweki jina yake coz of fisiologists kama @Mzee mzima , but bibi alienda kimilili na Clichy Na Sanchez na mboch sijui mbona alienda na mboch . nikabaki na Pires the oldest .) so i was like " Makena mrembo please check vile Pires anaendelea" Makena was literally purring on the phone " ofcourse uncle uwes naenda kumuangalia saa hii , wacha ni bake chips nimpelekee na ukikuja kuna hapa jameson nataka tumalize , ile ulinilenga vile ulikuwa na bibi jameson live" , " isorait my dear ‘neiba’ nakuja tuimalize ni vile tu kuna job namalizia " . LIKE CRIASLY CAKE INA KUWA BAKeD AJE ? but fisi Pires anaweza kula anything , the other day kijana amekula mashed potatoes za Sanchez abekiwe hata mawe .
Back to the main story mimi huyo ankle Uwes reversed the X6 i had parked hapo Kenya cinema , i had to part with kshs 500 for the chokosh hapo nje , although aliogopa the Jet Li pose , nilimpea tu hio doo ( you know for the name pia us ktalk billionaires , kwanza nilimuambia @Electronics4u ni kijana wangu wa mkono. aka beam , i think he is a talker maybe @Wakanyama , pun un intended shemeji ) .
so as am driving the X6 , YES X6 @MBOMB the momo is like " uncle uwes mulikuwa munafanya nini na sheila " " CHIETH Sheila ni nani " , her " ule dem wa matako kubwa mjaluo " , me " heheheheh akiaye my dear nyako no en neiba na kimilili kata dong naa mie 2000shs odhi omed wig mo oruoko " for those that dont know the japanese lingua i aint translating , the momo is also kikuyu so she did not get nada . Mimi huyo uncle Uwes nikaingia ngong Road Just past that church yenye mama Clichy goes (btw i dont go to church , reason being madhe alinikatsia kuona sinbad on sunday coz after sunday school i was forced to attend the main Service na pastor literally preached mpaka saa kumi, yes pastor Eric, kama wale walimu walikuwa wanacombine double class ya maths na PE , but isorait singekuwa Rocket scientist bila wewe mwalimu nyangau mangeni RIP Friends school Kamusinga .
Past the church it happened , niliingia matatu 33 seater nyuma fiam , i think i slept, BOOOM , i stopped the vehicle , nikatoa .357 magnum kwa slot yake to the momos surprise ( kama alikuwa na mchele i believe aliiimeza ) nikaiweka kwa belt , nikatoka nje calmly but drunk as fuccck. " NIKIII MODO , UNAGONGA MATATU KWANI WEWE NI MOI HAPA UTATULIPA 1 FIRIONI " blurted the makanga " chief mimi usinitolee vitishoo unagonga x6 nimenunua milioni 15 na unaongea ovyo , UNAJUA WAKANYAMA NI NANI WEWE MUNGIKI " i warned him, On hearing Wakanyama the guy literally kunjad mkia and went to talk with the driver , saa hizo passengers wametoka , na kwaida ya wakenya wakaanza kuhepa na fare and boarding other matatus , hapo i took a sigh of relief coz during my navy seal training we were always told crowd control is one of the strainous part of any conflict . papo hapo The driver came in company of the makanga , if you watch UFC then unajua msee anaitwa velasquez , jamaa anafanana na velasquez big guy ameweka sura ya ndimu. so uncle uwes am like " chief what is the is, " papo hapo ngumi iliniangukia kwa temple , i think my navy seal training had been affected by gilbeys nikapatwa off guard, but nika duck hapo kando b4 nianguke , i checked out the environment before velasquez mungiki afike, there was a stone like two meters away, you know during the seal six training we were taught always take advantage of the opponents weakness but nikasema the bukusu in me can not allow nitumie a weapon against an unarmed man banaa i was circumcised by the riverside at six in the morning with a blunt knife, it would be direspective to my age mates , remember .357 iko kwa belt . As the mungiki guy came nikachukua half guard (if you watch UFC) NA KUMUINUA UPPER CUT kimbo slice style , that HERB DEAN would envy , the pile of flesh literally went blank on the road " FINISH HIM" again if you have played TEKKEN rang on my mind , as i said before i have abit of UFC in me , nikachukua full guard on top of him and rained some elbows . momo akanishika nikamellow and stopped hitting the guy . now there was a full crowd on the scene , nikaita the trembling makanga, after kurudisha momo kwa gari, " chief unataka pia kukula black out kama ndugu yako ?" , " heheh hapa shifo nirikua tu nakuabia hio gari yako haijaumia hii yetu tutatengenesa hata nimepigia wakanyama akasema haina waaas brathee tuonane baadaye" . immediately nikarudi kwa X6 yangu after analyzing the minor damage , nikapigia Chief Superintendent Koech , upper hill police station aniandikie abstract which i was to pick nkiamka , for insurance and any libel, nikapigia my lawyer messrs Khaminwa of Khaminwa and Khaminwa Advocates and updated him pronto . NIkaingia kwa Alano kamuad the nyoka proper like two shots tukalala . woke up at 3 nikapata Allano juu ya XBOX mbaya fifa 16 , nikamwambia allano i officially handover the Ozil unto him coz i have to attend to my Boy pires , i know he fuacked the okuyu after i left . drove back home Napata makena practically feeding fisi pires on the baked chips . i sat down and watched anything that was on MY 3D tv as makena warmed omena with alot of pilipili and ugali told me stories i couldnt understand. then … wacha niwatch ball ntawapigia part two
mbicha ya makena
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