I was in form 4 in a national school. But I wasn't chopping much. Zangu zilikuwa kuruka fence usiku kwenda rave. Kuwasha. Sigara kwa wingi. Na kadhalika. But the administration entertained me, giving me suspensions only coz sikuwa mbaya darasani. I was the best student in my class in two particularly difficult subjects-Power Mechanics and Chemistry.
Lakini sasa in form 4 2nd term nikaamua kutoboa masikio. That broke the camels back. Nilipigwa indefinite suspension....nirudi tu kufanya exam in October. I didn't.
The following year nika rewind kwa shule tofauti. Coming from a national school, nilikuwa na top darasa ovyo ovyo. Without effort. Nikaendelea kuruka fence kwa sababu kiu ya sigara singeweza vumilia. After one incident in this new school, wakati nimepigwa suspension nimerudi, one of my favourite teachers sat me down and asked me to lay it out to him how I intended to change. He said I hard an exceptionally bright future lakini kuna vitu flani flani itani hold back from achieving my full potential. Nkamuambia 'Mwalimu, I'll quit smoking'. He said, 'No you wont. Old habits die hard'. I made it to campus and stuff, did my thing...studying, drinking, smoking. Fast forward several years....my teacher's words kwamba old habits die hard still haunt me. In recent years, nimejaribu kuacha sigara lakini wapi.
I'm left with two issues to ponder.
1. Kwanini nilikuwa nahangaika na ma sigara na pombe shuleni? These things zimejaa hapa nje! Na siwezi zimaliza....plot poa ingekuwa ku chop taratibu nitoke na ma A plain zangu nije kuvuta sigara hapa nje.
2. Why, goddamnit, are old habits hard to kill. Why can't I just effing wake up one morning and decide, to hell with cigarettes....kwani nitakufa?.
I get depressed about it at times. Hii kijiji imejaa ma junior, kulingana na comments na posts nimesoma hapa so far. My advice is this....don't allow yourself to get hooked to anything. Alcohol, cigarettes, pxssy...anything. Addictions never satisfy. They degrade you. They humiliate you. They make you a lessr being. Be in control of your life from the word go.
Peace. Staki vita na mtu.