People living in bedsitters should be prohibited from having the sex. So there you are with bae looking like a scene from Redtube titled ’ College brunette rides black stallion’. You are eating each other like yams then suddenly it hits you, every living soul in the neighbourhood can hear you sin.
First, your bed ain’t shit! it hisses with every turn especially every Friday night when bae comes visiting from Nairobi. Your neighbours have nicknamed you KO-KO-KO-KO as a result of the heavy pounding your bed has had to endure during those heated ‘welcoming the guest of honour’ sessions.
In a bid to hide your shameful acts, you result to using the wall, just like in the movies. So there you are, your hands pinned to the wall as bae attempts to poke past your thunder thighs and black forest with no success. You wrap your legs around his waist, you are too heavy. You bend over, your fart from both holes. You turn around and hug the wall, your nyama ya serikali is just too much. One leg suspended on the air, you rest the other on the door knob and proceed to eating each other. The deafening percussion of KOGIO KOGIO KOGIO noises emanating from your frustrated door knob and KU KU KU from the ailing wall attracts the Nyumba Kumi officials who are convinced that there is a robbery attempt in your house.
“Sister, uko sawa” your mucheneneko jirani asks while at your door,
“kwani mzee anakuchapa na fimbo” she proceeds
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You pause to think about her concerns, technically she is right, you want to put an end to the feast but bae is still cruising at a 200kph, kidogo kidogo you are hanging on the bathroom door, hands on the ceiling, Mara your head in the sufuria full of sukuma wiki. You collapse on the floor after hissing your way to cloud nine, now all your neighbours are gathered outside worried sick about your safety, baba boi even came with a tyre to burn the hissing snake.
As you lie on the floor petting your armpit hair you turn to bae who is by now snoring happily,
'bae, at least hawatajua ni sisi?"
“mmh”
“am saying at least they won’t know it was our bed making all that noise” you whisper and proceed to sleep.
But then it all comes back to you. You remember that while hanging on the bathroom door bae had asked what your name was and that you had proceeded to name your whole clan, dead and alive loudly so for the County to hear! You remember that you had even gone ahead to give directions to your village and even named all your area assistant chief’s. This bedsitter living aki…at least that is what I heard…
