POPES PROGRAM + CONFESSION

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The Holy Father is coming and its time to make a confession.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned, my last confession must have been in mid 80s just before I sat for my KCE. Also Father I last stepped in church in 2004 when I was best man during my friends wedding. Holy Father I did something in the 90s and it has been bothering me a lot and now that you are here its time to let it out. You see Father, I been a hustler all my life and in those days I would wake up very early to be at my base in marikiti where I used to carry goods for customers, I used to spend everything I earned during the day and only remain with busfare for the following days trip into town, so on this day Father I was at a major bustop on Thika road at 5:45 in the morning when this Nissan Urvan pulled up, on noticing there was no conductor I did the nessesary and touted for passengers (this was way Before Mungiki arrived on the scene, Hekaya for another day) who soon packed into the van, I then took the last seat Father knowing very well I wont have to pay any fare coz of the job I had done, the 20 bob would be for breakfast. As we got to Safaripark Father the driver said Nichinjie hao and dutifully I started collecting fare from my fellow passengers, well Father I think it must have been the day after payday, everyone had high currency notes and I didn’t have change, the only person who had a 50 bob note was a beautiful girl right behind me and my fisi instinct told me not to take her money. Buy the time we got to survey I had 6700 folded in my hand, 3 1000shs notes, 5 500 shs notes 3 200 shs notes and 6 100 shs notes, and everyone was waiting for their change, I asked the driver for change and he said not to worry we shall look for change in town, soon we were in pangani and there was a small jam, at guru nanak hospital we came to a total stand still and that’s when I heard a voice calling me,” Meria”, “Meria” I ignored it then the voice came back louder this time and it couldn’t be ignored and I answered. The voice asked me what is that am holding in my hand and I said its money. The voice then asked why I woke up so early, I quickly retorted that to go to work, the voice came back softly this time and asked why and I gladly said to make some money. By this time the vehicle was in motion albeit slowly coz of the jam and I heard a passenger say shukisha ngara. The voice came back urgently this time and said “Meria you woke up to look for money and you already have it in your hands, wake up bro, you are running out of time” I counted the money slowly again and my heartbeat increased tenfold , its at that precise moment that my mind was made up. I scanned all the passengers faces to see if anyone knew me and was glad they were all stangers to me. The vehicle gladually stopped at Ngara and 3 passengers alighted with hands stretched asking for change, I showed them the notes on my hands and told them to wait as I looked for change, I went to a matt ahead of me the closed to the opposite side of the road and did a malasyia MH370 act and boarded an Eastleigh matatu. The money was deep in my pocket. Fast forward 8:00am I was at my local enjoying my ill gotten wealth. That’s my confession Father, I feel for those people and moreso the poor driver, I sometimes wonder how he resolved the crisis.
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“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

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Swallower of Saliva, your sins shall be forgiven. Answer me this though, how much did you normally make at Marikiti?

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talk of hustle being real, now can we have an arbitrary pope to hear all the confessions coming up

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Son you are forgiven …but dont go sinning again. Leave the fisi instincts especially at monkey’s village square, or is it monkeys village square?

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used to make 600 on a good day and 400 on a bad day, on top of that i used to go home with half a sack of assorted vegatables which i would sell to wamama wa plot. sometimes malipo ilikua ni DFHKM.
bought my 1st mountain bike with money earned in marikiti

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i propose @FieldMarshal CouchP due to his status as the oldest one here

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Guka will also need to confess his sins first

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@FieldMarshal CouchP kuja hapa… Boys are confessing na hujaconfess.

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Hehehe.

You already know my “sin” .

Forgive me father.

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which commandment did you break?

Hehehe hehehe…

We ni noma

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Meria, say 20 Hail Marys. Your sins will be forgiven, son (mainly because you feel guilty after all these years, it means you have a good soul).

Aviator, sleeping with the random Pope is not a sin, my daughter. Nikumwagiliwo maji ya uzima…

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she/he broke this one:
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery
One should not have sexual desires outside of
marriage. Talking to other women/ men with
unwholesome intentions, or even looking at other
women/ men with lust is not suitable for one made
in the image of God. One should be satisfied with
what gives him. Satisfaction is one of the
prerequisites for a spiritual seeker.

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Reminds me of the confession of Don Corleone at The Vatican…

Don: “I killed my brother, I killed my mother’s son…”

Priest: “Your sins are terrible…”

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Kwani fisi kubwa (kina Lennoh, Odemo, Timmo n company) hawakua wameingia ithaa

Confession was the hardest part when I was a catholic. Why confess my sins to someone who is also a sinner?

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hekaya detected, saa hii wewe ni nini? Atheist or muslim?

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None of those. Still a christian but not too serious about it.

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Not catholic so hii mambo mi sijui. But if I was to confess,I would confess to not having been near,in or around a place of worship for the for the sole purpose of worshipping the deity in over 20 years. During the said period,I have been inside a place of worship because I was chosen to take care of the mass communication equipment.

@Meria Mata how many hail marys would I have to say if I was catholic?

hehehehehe, 10 are enough for now, lets wait for guka