After fixing a KU primefocus LNB on the big dish tukaipandisha kwa a platform meant for a water tank, perfect place for a dish btw, I connected my gadgets na dancing with the dish ikaanza, within 2 minutes I knew I was ferked up, I was hunting for the sat @7e position and from where I was in Kibwezi I couldn’t tell east from west, kuangalia juu kwa sky didn’t help either as the sun was hiding behind thick clouds, siku hizo sikua na kitu inaitagwo sat meter, was just using a beeper on my astrovox decorder which was going beep beep beep beep and when you locked on to a satellite it would scream beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep continuously announcing your success. Nikauliza kimeu jua hutokea kipande gani, ile direction alinipea nikapindua dish opposite side kaanza kuhunt blindly huko. @Ice-cube leta wrink ya an doc ile ya kutafta satellites.
By saa kumi I was still there dancing with the dish, nikaboeka na hio kubwa nikenda kwa ile ndogo, however much I turned and raised the elevation sikuangukia ata a sniff of any sat nikaanza kuona 50k ikikunywa maji, Kimeu naye alikua ameadvertise Psat ile kirindi ilikua pale made me feel guilty for failing them, I made a sign of the cross na nikaendelea but in vain, by saa tatu usiku hakuna channel ata moja nilikua nimepata, the decoder was just going beep beep beep but I was not giving up, I knew the sats were up there na lazima nizikamue.
I was still continuing with the hunt when I was interrupted by Mutheu, alikua ameleta supper in two big hotpots, I beaconed to her apande gazi aje juu coz sikua najiskia kushuka. She gladly obliged na akapanda as I held the ladder for her, Mutheu had made chapo, stew ya makadhalika na kuku kienyeji, the food looked yummy na bila kugojea kimeu nikaendelea huku nikianza kurusha mistali. Kimeu finally joined us and while eating akaniuliza kunaendelea aje, nikamshow atulie sat tutazipata ata kaa ni saa kumi ya usiku. After the hearty meal akamtuma Mutheu kwa gari alete mzinga ya gibleys tuliokua tumebeba from Msa na ulevi sacco ikaanza. Those days I used to take it dry and after 3 tots the dance with the dish started again, Kimeu alichoka kuniangalia coz he didn’t understand what was going on na akashuka from the platform akarudi kwa mabeste zake. Saa hio tu ndio simu ya boss iliingia, “Meria vipi, ushapona?” ata kabla nijibu he went ballistic, “kumanina hii mkundu wa bata kwani wewe ndie mtu wa kwanza kuhalisha, haki ya mungu warai kaa kesho huingii kazi usiwai kanyanga hii yard tena, nenda ukatombewe kule unatombeagwo” na akakata simu.
Ngai mwathani, stress juu ya stress, ile hardon nilikua nimepata juu ya Mutheu kua karibu na mimi ika fade, nikaacha kupapasa dish ili nifikilie what next, to aid my thinking nikatoa kafegi kwa mfuko nikawasha, I sat down on the platform and I guess am poor at hiding my feelings coz mutheu sat next to me akaniuliza niaje, I told her about my no nonsense muarabu na vile nilikua nimehepa job nifike Kibwezi. I used her thighs as a pillow nikafunga macho and smoked like 5 cigarettes while still chatting with Mutheu, shared with her from deep down that ata nikikosa hizo sat siwes spend another day there, lazima niludi Msa. I think mutheu alikua ameketi vibaya coz aliniinua kichwa kidogo akae poa and while doing this nikafungua macho nikaona the milky way in all its glory, my heart skipped a beat as I sat upright and stared at the stars, they seemed so near it was like I could have plucked one and put it on Mutheus hair just by raising up my hand.
From the back of my mind I remembered all the novels I had read about sailors of yore, Moby Dick, Pirates of the Caribean, Captain Morgan and true stories of Vasco Da Gama Fednard Magellan na wengineo, all this guys had navigated the seas using the stars and the Southern cross came to mind, this constellation showed them north and so and I knew mungu alikua ameondoa cloud cover ile ilikua ili nitumie southern cross to nab my satellites.
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It took less than 5 seconds to spot it and after I got my bearings nilicheka kidogo, I had been hunting in the wrong direction all the time, Mutheu sensed the urgency in me akasmama akauliza vipi, I calmly informed her I had hit the jackpot. Hakuna kitu kizuri kaa knowing where to search, within 3 minutes I heard the best sound in the world, a continous Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, I looked up in the sky and exclaimed Alhamdulilah. I secured the dish grabbed Mutheu by the waist and swung her around a few times, kumweka chini somehow my lips found hers na hivo ndivo Kimeu alitupata, he had also heard the continous beep akachomoka from the tv room akapanda platform mbio. I gave him a high 5 and told him kazi kwisha. Haraka haraka we secured the dish kabisa with 9x9 bricks tukateremka tukaingia kwa room nikashika remote kafinya menu then search, what followed was the longest two minutes of my life, wakati decoder inasearch huwes kuiharakisha, it seemed like it took two decades, kwa room everyone around, like 15 guys or so plus Mutheu were all looking at the status bar as it loaded, kufika 70% ilikwama for an agonizingly 5 seconds and I bet hakuna mtu alikua ana breath huko.
Finally ikafika 100% kafinya exit exit exit karudi kwa home screen kapata a French channel ndio ilikua number one position, imagine the guys clapped for me, felt like a king. Sadly I had to switch off the decoder to connect the dongle,
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kawambia watulie tu kidogo nitengeze mitambo, in a minute I was done and I switched everything back on again, then kafinya button ya all channels, yellow button ya kuzipanga in alphabetical order kisha nikakimbia kwa letter “P”, and there it was, there were only 5 channels under P and Psat was prominently there. I told all the guys to sit and calm down as the show was about to start, ile kitu tuliokua tumetafuta the whole day tushaipata, I then scrolled to Psat and pressed the OK button
The channel took like 2 seconds to open and when it did there was an audible gasp, on the screen was a guy with a monster dick bomoaring two 1 gb girls, there was total silence na kaa ungeskiza sana ungeskia the hearts of the crowd pumping the blood into their small heads, After 5 minutes kuna jamaa alishindwa kujizuia nikaskia mtu amesema “aki ya Ngai” Mwingine akamjibu “muyomuyo sukari” that broke the spell and everyone burst out in laughter, saa hio hio amid the laughter I heard the door bang, kuangalia kaona Mutheu akihepa, at the same moment stima ikaenda.
