Selfie terrorists

Mark Maish

Village Elder
#1
You must have met this new breed of Kenyans who constantly take pictures next to other people's property? They are everywhere, from parking lots to private residencies. Selfish terrorists.

Every evening you find a new group of chiles posing in front of your gate. Today you found this shamelessly trio camped at your doorstep. As you precariously step over their humongous handbags & coats heaped on the path, balancing on your toes, to access you place one stops you.

"Sasa! Would you please take a pic of me & my friends?...Just one!"

She flashes one of those smiles slay queens do when they want something from you.

"Sure!" You reply with your manliest voice ever.

As a man, you can't say No when a woman asks that nicely. Your ancestors would be mad plus folks back at home have been heavily hinting it's time you settle down and start a family. Who knows, this might be the start of a beautiful love story.


You decide to be their knight in shining armour. First, they pout their lips, twist their legs in angles you didn't know human limps can achieve without breaking, then push their chests forward & arch their backs to exaggerate their cleavage & asses.


You capture shots from every angle feeling like you have always had a talent for photography. It also feels nice to order around a bunch of pretty ladies. After taking two dozens of pics you ask them to check out how great the images are.


They huddle over the phone, pressing their boobs on you as you scroll through the gallery. Your body readings are off the charts but you maintain a cool exterior. At this point you are expecting prolonged hugs for a job well done. To you utter shock the short one claims the pictures are not good enough. The rest agree with her. Ati they look fat, mara ati the images don't capture their personalities, aura and other things you can't make a tail of.

Anger is building up inside. You want to suggest that maybe the problem isn't with your photography skills, they just look kawaida. It must be the sunglasses giving them unrealistic ideas of how they look. Before you open your mouth you notice how long & sharp their nails & heels are. The way they have been glancing at your balding head convinces you that's the first place they will swing them at. You know how tempestuous our females are.


You contain you anger. Resume your photography duties like true champ. This time, they turn around pop their behinds in your direction with heads turned to face you. Wicked smiles on their faces. One winks, other bites her lower lip and the other one crocks both eyebrows. You can't tell whether that's a sign to you or just for the camera.



After taking like 98 pictures, they look satisfied. The nice one mumbles 'thanks'. They divert all t
attention back to their phones completely forgetting your existence. You quietly walk into you place feeling a bit disappointed.


Later, while browsing through Facebook skipping the same old recycled jokes you stumble upon an image eerily familiar. Then it hits you. It's the same lasses you met that evening.


They look sexy & flawless although the amount of filters & editing done to that poor image is obscene. 456 likes 127 comments. You click on the image and read through the comments. 90 % are thirst ninjas #TeamMafisi declaring their undying love.


Damn! Those ungrateful lasses didn't have the decency to credit you as the photographer. In addition, they denied you an opportunity to make oral submissions, try your rusty lines or even ask for their number.

You logout, close your eyes & whisper.

"We shall revisit..."

#MarkMaish
 

Adeudeu

Village Elder
#3
You must have met this new breed of Kenyans who constantly take pictures next to other people's property? They are everywhere, from parking lots to private residencies. Selfish terrorists.

Every evening you find a new group of chiles posing in front of your gate. Today you found this shamelessly trio camped at your doorstep. As you precariously step over their humongous handbags & coats heaped on the path, balancing on your toes, to access you place one stops you.

"Sasa! Would you please take a pic of me & my friends?...Just one!"

She flashes one of those smiles slay queens do when they want something from you.

"Sure!" You reply with your manliest voice ever.

As a man, you can't say No when a woman asks that nicely. Your ancestors would be mad plus folks back at home have been heavily hinting it's time you settle down and start a family. Who knows, this might be the start of a beautiful love story.


You decide to be their knight in shining armour. First, they pout their lips, twist their legs in angles you didn't know human limps can achieve without breaking, then push their chests forward & arch their backs to exaggerate their cleavage & asses.


You capture shots from every angle feeling like you have always had a talent for photography. It also feels nice to order around a bunch of pretty ladies. After taking two dozens of pics you ask them to check out how great the images are.


They huddle over the phone, pressing their boobs on you as you scroll through the gallery. Your body readings are off the charts but you maintain a cool exterior. At this point you are expecting prolonged hugs for a job well done. To you utter shock the short one claims the pictures are not good enough. The rest agree with her. Ati they look fat, mara ati the images don't capture their personalities, aura and other things you can't make a tail of.

Anger is building up inside. You want to suggest that maybe the problem isn't with your photography skills, they just look kawaida. It must be the sunglasses giving them unrealistic ideas of how they look. Before you open your mouth you notice how long & sharp their nails & heels are. The way they have been glancing at your balding head convinces you that's the first place they will swing them at. You know how tempestuous our females are.


You contain you anger. Resume your photography duties like true champ. This time, they turn around pop their behinds in your direction with heads turned to face you. Wicked smiles on their faces. One winks, other bites her lower lip and the other one crocks both eyebrows. You can't tell whether that's a sign to you or just for the camera.



After taking like 98 pictures, they look satisfied. The nice one mumbles 'thanks'. They divert all t
attention back to their phones completely forgetting your existence. You quietly walk into you place feeling a bit disappointed.


Later, while browsing through Facebook skipping the same old recycled jokes you stumble upon an image eerily familiar. Then it hits you. It's the same lasses you met that evening.


They look sexy & flawless although the amount of filters & editing done to that poor image is obscene. 456 likes 127 comments. You click on the image and read through the comments. 90 % are thirst ninjas #TeamMafisi declaring their undying love.


Damn! Those ungrateful lasses didn't have the decency to credit you as the photographer. In addition, they denied you an opportunity to make oral submissions, try your rusty lines or even ask for their number.



You logout, close your eyes & whisper.

"We shall revisit..."

#MarkMaish

I've severally pretended to take photos of these photogenic swines. Immediately they pose, I switch the camera to front and take tens of selfies - occasionally with a duck face. Another trick is; instead of taking photos, switch to video mode and make a video of them posing like the fucken swines they are.
 

Mark Maish

Village Elder
#4
I've severally pretended to take photos of these photogenic swines. Immediately they pose, I switch the camera to front and take tens of selfies - occasionally with a duck face. Another trick is; instead of taking photos, switch to video mode and make a video of them posing like the fucken swines they are.
:D:D:D you are genius!
 

Abba

Village Sponsor
#11
I've severally pretended to take photos of these photogenic swines. Immediately they pose, I switch the camera to front and take tens of selfies - occasionally with a duck face. Another trick is; instead of taking photos, switch to video mode and make a video of them posing like the fucken swines they are.
You are evil :D
 

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