SINGLE MUM BY CHOICE

#1
I recently had a pow wow with a very beautiful,brilliant and hardworking 20 year old girl who told me she's already made her first million and now felt she was ready to settle down in family life What startled me was when I asked her if she's involved with anyone and she told me she had never been involved with any man and had no intention to. She then told me she already has a white sperm donor from SA who will impregnate her and thats her plan for any other future kids. For once I was left speechless. So I asked her why she'd want to be single mother when she's so beautiful that she's capable of marrying any man.She told me that her observations of both her parents marriage and most marriages was one of a place of subjugation and oppression of women. I asked her how. She said that marriage benefits men not women. And that after extensive research online her observations were vindicated. Basically every argument I had she had a concrete answer for it. Later I even googled advantages of marriage to women and found an article that said, married women were no better off than single ones but for men marriage made them be better healthwise,economically n happier.I will attach shortly. She told me that what she's observed of marriage is that no matter the woman's status, she would be psychologically terrorized and bullied by the man until the woman becomes a doormat out of fear. A type of Stockholm syndrome. I did my best to tell her how great my husband is but she told my marriage is an exception and doesnt negate the rule that most marriages are filled with misery. I told her that if she married a believer it wouldnt be the horror/ terror she sees in worldly men. As a believer Ive really advocated marriage b4 getting kids but hii kesi imenishinda. This gal has very concrete arguments against marriage! How can I conVince her since she luks up2me not to go for AI or kids b4 marriage? She really fears men and sees them as cruel heartless beasts who are out to feel powerful thru torture women be it as gfs or wives. Sad to say this trend is on the rise. Women who are young and even virgins are opting out of rships with men to avoid suffering and abuse. They feel tht men are tyrants who if given power thru rships/marriage abuse their position of power over their gfs/wives. Personally I agree that men nowadays are not as disciplined and hardworking and principled as those in their 50s. Many take the advantage of being men to abdicate their responsibility to women who luv them. To be frank, not many married ladies have men who are responsible! For example wea I work many married ladies don't get financial support frm their hubbies even wen the husband are well to do. My point is how can you discourage women from bcming single moms and giving up on men b4 even trying to relate to them. This is not the first tym to see women opting to be single moms infact the trend is on the rise. How do you discourage s1 from this. Since all kids need their dad to father them. Am completely against this action bcz tho its AI and so there's no sexual sin involved I feel that it doesn't reflect the dignity of God. And its selfish and wrong to deny kids a father to avoid being under a man out of fear that he'll hurt n mistreat you. I know there good men from experience. Its not fair to write all men off bcz of the rotten ones who get all the publicity.
 

rollout

Village Elder
#4
I recently had a pow wow with a very beautiful,brilliant and hardworking 20 year old girl who told me she's already made her first million and now felt she was ready to settle down in family life What startled me was when I asked her if she's involved with anyone and she told me she had never been involved with any man and had no intention to. She then told me she already has a white sperm donor from SA who will impregnate her and thats her plan for any other future kids. For once I was left speechless. So I asked her why she'd want to be single mother when she's so beautiful that she's capable of marrying any man.She told me that her observations of both her parents marriage and most marriages was one of a place of subjugation and oppression of women. I asked her how. She said that marriage benefits men not women. And that after extensive research online her observations were vindicated. Basically every argument I had she had a concrete answer for it. Later I even googled advantages of marriage to women and found an article that said, married women were no better off than single ones but for men marriage made them be better healthwise,economically n happier.I will attach shortly. She told me that what she's observed of marriage is that no matter the woman's status, she would be psychologically terrorized and bullied by the man until the woman becomes a doormat out of fear. A type of Stockholm syndrome. I did my best to tell her how great my husband is but she told my marriage is an exception and doesnt negate the rule that most marriages are filled with misery. I told her that if she married a believer it wouldnt be the horror/ terror she sees in worldly men. As a believer Ive really advocated marriage b4 getting kids but hii kesi imenishinda. This gal has very concrete arguments against marriage! How can I conVince her since she luks up2me not to go for AI or kids b4 marriage? She really fears men and sees them as cruel heartless beasts who are out to feel powerful thru torture women be it as gfs or wives. Sad to say this trend is on the rise. Women who are young and even virgins are opting out of rships with men to avoid suffering and abuse. They feel tht men are tyrants who if given power thru rships/marriage abuse their position of power over their gfs/wives. Personally I agree that men nowadays are not as disciplined and hardworking and principled as those in their 50s. Many take the advantage of being men to abdicate their responsibility to women who luv them. To be frank, not many married ladies have men who are responsible! For example wea I work many married ladies don't get financial support frm their hubbies even wen the husband are well to do. My point is how can you discourage women from bcming single moms and giving up on men b4 even trying to relate to them. This is not the first tym to see women opting to be single moms infact the trend is on the rise. How do you discourage s1 from this. Since all kids need their dad to father them. Am completely against this action bcz tho its AI and so there's no sexual sin involved I feel that it doesn't reflect the dignity of God. And its selfish and wrong to deny kids a father to avoid being under a man out of fear that he'll hurt n mistreat you. I know there good men from experience. Its not fair to write all men off bcz of the rotten ones who get all the publicity.
I told u u are a feminazzi
 
#6
Women are less happy than men in marriage, but society pretends it isn't true

_

To Post Secret, a project that collects personal secrets written artistically onto postcards, someone recently sent in the following bombshell: "Ever since we started getting married and buying houses," she writes, "my girlfriends and I don't laugh much anymore."

Her personal secret is, in fact, a national one.

It's part of what has been called the "paradox of declining female happiness."

Women have more rights and opportunities than they have had in decades and yet they are less happy than ever in both absolute terms and relative to men.

Marriage is part of why.

Heterosexual marriage is an unequal institution. Women on average do more of the unpaid and undervalued work of households, they work more each day, and they are more aware of this inequality than their husbands. They are more likely to sacrifice their individual leisure and career goals for marriage.

Marriage is a moment of subordination and women, more so than men, subordinate themselves and their careers to their relationship, their children, and the careers of their husbands.

Compared to being single, marriage is a bum deal for many woman. Accordingly, married women are less happy than single women and less happy than their husbands, they are less eager than men to remarry, they're more likely to file for divorce and, when they do, they are happier as divorcees than they were when married (the opposite is true for men) and they are more likely than men to prefer never to remarry.

The only reason this is surprising is because of the torrent of propaganda we get that tells us otherwise.

We are told by books, sitcoms, reality shows, and romantic comedies that single women are wetting their pants to get hitched.

Men are metaphorically or literally dragged to the altar in television commercials and wedding comedies, an idea invented by Hugh Hefner in the 1950s (before the "playboy," men who resisted marriage were suspected of being g**).



Not to mention the wedding-themed toys aimed at girls and the ubiquitous wedding magazines aimed solely at women. Why, it's almost as if they were trying very hard to convince us of something that isn't true.

But if women didn't get married to men, what would happen?

Marriage reduces men's violence and conflict in a society by giving men something to lose.

It increases men's efforts at work, which is good for capitalists and the economy. It often leads to children, which exacerbate cycles of earning and spending, makes workers more reliable and dependent on employers, reduces mobility, and creates a next generation of workers and social security investors.

Marriage inserts us into the machine. And if it benefits women substantially less than men.

This is from Business Insider.
 
#9
I told u u are a feminazzi
Sasa how am I feminazi wen am discouraging a girl from bcming a single mom. If I was feminazi Id be the one taking her to get AI. Im against many things tht feminism promotes,such as sexual promiscuity of men and women but more from women, Im against divorce and remarriage,Im against ****,am against single motherhood or raising kids without a father. You calling me woteva doesnt make me one. However,Im very much for dignity n equal opportunity for women and against any discrimination based on gender,am also against normalizing abuse of women e.g fgm, domestic violence,date rape,victim blaming e.g blaming women wen their raped tht they were drinking or wearing skimpy clothes. If a man was gangraped by his male friends while drunk nobody would blame him4 being drunk or wanting free drinks or trusting the wrong people or going out at night. Alot of evil men do to women is normalized by society such as honor killings among Hindus and Moslems. Society enables impunity n violence in men esp to women by blaming the women or saying boyz will be boys those same men then bcm mass murderers n suicide bcz violence is a spirit tht is no respector of persons. If being anti evil means am feminazi then more power to me and I wear the label as a badge of honor. In God's eyes all humans are endowed with dignity. Be they kids,poor,disabled or women. Noone is less of a human n less deserving of dignity. Afterall hakuna mtu alituma application.If u look at all warloads,shooterz n suicide bombers they're all men.
 
#10
Skip to main content


Noam Shpancer Ph.D.Insight Therapy
Is Marriage Worth the Trouble For Women?
The benefits go mostly to men.
Posted Oct 01, 2015


Source: Frantisek Czanner/Shutterstock
A casual look at how marriage is represented in popular culture may lead one to conclude that ending up at the altar is the ultimate female desire. Wedding magazines are aimed almost exclusively at brides, not grooms. Reality TV shows highlight Bridezillas, not Groomzillas, andThe Bachelor, in which multiple women vie for a ring, is a ratings juggernaut. The central attraction in the pageant of the average wedding is reserved for the bride’s dress, while the groom’s attire receives little billing. Pop culture queen Beyoncé herself has famously admonished men that if they like it, then they should put a ring on it.

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Men, on the other hand, are often depicted as commitment phobic, having to be conned or whipped into marriage, or dragged to the altar against their deeply promiscuous nature, which abhors long-term monogamy. The notion of a "midlifecrisis," during which men are bound to jettison their old wives for a new, younger trophy model is also a familiar cultural trope.

Marriage, we have been led to believe, is a natural habitat for women, but a stifling cage for men. Thus goes the popular fantasy. However, in the real world of data, things shake out quite a bit differently.

First, confounding the view of marriage as the female heaven and haven is the fact that marriage actually appears to benefit men more than it does women. Research has shown that the "marriage benefits"—the increases in health, wealth, andhappiness that are often associated with the status—go disproportionately to men. Married men are better off than single men. Married women, on the other hand, are not better off than unmarried women.

Second, in contrast to the myth that marriage is a woman’s ultimate and sacred fulfillment is the reality that roughly two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women. This is true not only for the young and hip: A recent AARP survey of 1147 men and women ages 40-79 who experienced adivorce in their 40s, 50s, or 60s, found that 66% of women said they initiated the split.

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New research suggests that there is something unique to marriage—other than the trials of getting along day-to-day with another person—that may make it less than hospitable to women.

A recent paper by Stanford sociologist Michael J. Rosenfeld analyzed longitudinal data from the How Couples Meet and Stay Together survey—a survey of a nationally representative sample of 2,262 adults in heterosexual relations followed from 2009 to early 2015.

The results revealed an intriguing pattern: As expected, women initiated roughly two thirds (69%) of the breakups in heterosexual marriages. However, the gendered trend in relationship breakups held only for marriages and not for other non-marital unions. Moreover, women in marriages, but not in other relationships, reported lower levels of satisfaction.

According to Rosenfeld, these data suggest that the tendency for women to initiate breakups is not an inherent feature of male-female relationships. Rather, it is a feature of male-female marriage. This finding appears to provide support for the notion that women experience the institution of marriage as oppressive, in large part because it emerged from and still carries the imprint of a system of female subjugation.

Rosenfeld notes that marriage law was originally based on the common law assumption that the wife was the husband’s property. The last vestiges of this common law tradition legally subordinating wives to their husbands, such as allowing spousal rape, were eliminated in the United States only in the late 1970s. Most women in the U.S. still take the surnames of their husband when they marry, a practice required by law in many states until the 1970s.

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Just as we cannot maintain grand ancient structures without contending with the limitations of ancient building materials, so it is difficult to sustain old traditions without keeping the old worldviews and habits from which they had emerged. The ghosts of female subjugation haunt the halls of contemporary marriage, to the detriment of married women.

This is an intriguing idea, but doubts remain.

First, causality is difficult to establish in the absence of true controlled experimentation. In other words, since we cannot assign people randomly to married and unmarried groups at the outset, any difference between the groups in outcome may be the result of selection, rather thantreatment, effects. For example: If married women are more likely to be dissatisfied, it may be because the marriage made them so (treatment effect) or because dissatisfaction-prone women are more likely to choose marriage (selection effect).

People’s expectations—a variable not measured in Rosenfeld’s data—may also play a role in relationship satisfaction. If the culture sets women’s expectations for marriage high and men’s low, then the reality of marriage, in which men benefit more, may elicit increased satisfaction in men—“This is much better than I expected"—and decreased satisfaction in women.

Moreover, while Rosenfeld’s work may shed light on the "push" side of the decision to leave, the equation he outlines is probably incomplete as it neglects the "pull" side. In general, life decisions are multiply determined. Internal states such as marital satisfaction are likely to be weighed in the decision-making process against external variables such as societal attitudes about divorce, or the ability to maintain contact with children and financial security after divorce. Indeed, existing data attests to the importance of such external pull factors in shaping decisions of both men and women.

For example, the AARP survey pointed to the fact that men more often decided to stay in a bad marriage out of fear of losing touch with their children. These are not unjustified fears, as fathers often experience decreased levels of contactwith their children post-divorce.


Source: banjo d/Flickr
Conversely, an unsatisfied woman’s decision to leave may depend in part on her employment status. For example, Ohio State University's Liana C. Sayer and her colleagues have provided evidence to suggest that unsatisfied women are much more likely to leave if they are employed.

At the end of the day, the accumulating data paint a picture of marriage as complex commerce in which women may often play a paradoxical role: They work harder for a smaller share of the benefits, which may explain why, while they may often be more eager to get into a marriage, they are often also more eager to get out.


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About the Author
Noam Shpancer, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Otterbein College and a practicing clinical psychologist in Columbus, Ohio.


In Print:
The Good Psychologist: A Novel

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M

Miss Finest Wine

Guest
#12
I recently had a pow wow with a very beautiful,brilliant and hardworking 20 year old girl who told me she's already made her first million and now felt she was ready to settle down in family life What startled me was when I asked her if she's involved with anyone and she told me she had never been involved with any man and had no intention to. She then told me she already has a white sperm donor from SA who will impregnate her and thats her plan for any other future kids. For once I was left speechless. So I asked her why she'd want to be single mother when she's so beautiful that she's capable of marrying any man.She told me that her observations of both her parents marriage and most marriages was one of a place of subjugation and oppression of women. I asked her how. She said that marriage benefits men not women. And that after extensive research online her observations were vindicated. Basically every argument I had she had a concrete answer for it. Later I even googled advantages of marriage to women and found an article that said, married women were no better off than single ones but for men marriage made them be better healthwise,economically n happier.I will attach shortly. She told me that what she's observed of marriage is that no matter the woman's status, she would be psychologically terrorized and bullied by the man until the woman becomes a doormat out of fear. A type of Stockholm syndrome. I did my best to tell her how great my husband is but she told my marriage is an exception and doesnt negate the rule that most marriages are filled with misery. I told her that if she married a believer it wouldnt be the horror/ terror she sees in worldly men. As a believer Ive really advocated marriage b4 getting kids but hii kesi imenishinda. This gal has very concrete arguments against marriage! How can I conVince her since she luks up2me not to go for AI or kids b4 marriage? She really fears men and sees them as cruel heartless beasts who are out to feel powerful thru torture women be it as gfs or wives. Sad to say this trend is on the rise. Women who are young and even virgins are opting out of rships with men to avoid suffering and abuse. They feel tht men are tyrants who if given power thru rships/marriage abuse their position of power over their gfs/wives. Personally I agree that men nowadays are not as disciplined and hardworking and principled as those in their 50s. Many take the advantage of being men to abdicate their responsibility to women who luv them. To be frank, not many married ladies have men who are responsible! For example wea I work many married ladies don't get financial support frm their hubbies even wen the husband are well to do. My point is how can you discourage women from bcming single moms and giving up on men b4 even trying to relate to them. This is not the first tym to see women opting to be single moms infact the trend is on the rise. How do you discourage s1 from this. Since all kids need their dad to father them. Am completely against this action bcz tho its AI and so there's no sexual sin involved I feel that it doesn't reflect the dignity of God. And its selfish and wrong to deny kids a father to avoid being under a man out of fear that he'll hurt n mistreat you. I know there good men from experience. Its not fair to write all men off bcz of the rotten ones who get all the publicity.
@GeorginaMakena
I like some of your messages such as this one but sometimes samehea peeps like me. Paragraphs are crucial and also lengthy copy and pastes are too much for busybodies like me. I know you and me are put in the same bracket, don't care BTW but preach Sista preach...but you get my drift?
 
#14
Btw disadvantages of being single mum by choice ni gani? I was at a loss of points coz its not abt providing she has money and is hardworking! All I could think of was money and father figure but she told me her dad n bros will be the kid's father figure. I think married folk we are not making marriage look attractive to these youngins. Coz even young men nowadays say they just want baby mommas but no marriages. Girls nao,like this one has never even had a bf, she's a virgin and already there's nothing you can tell her about men. She hatez them with a passion.She wants to steer clear of any rship with men even dating hataki I thought of hooking her up with my baby bro coz enyewe she can make an excellent wife.She's well off.Bright.Pretty. From good home n even a Christian! But mambo za wanaume its like she fears n despises them n thinks they'll just ruin her life which is all planned! Heh! Me Sijui hii generation kwenye wanaelekea. To them marriage is a trap n a hell hole. Even dating hataki. But lemme try hook her up with my bro coz huyo najua hatamsumbua !
 

CatLady

Village Elder
#17
Women are less happy than men in marriage, but society pretends it isn't true

_

To Post Secret, a project that collects personal secrets written artistically onto postcards, someone recently sent in the following bombshell: "Ever since we started getting married and buying houses," she writes, "my girlfriends and I don't laugh much anymore."

Her personal secret is, in fact, a national one.

It's part of what has been called the "paradox of declining female happiness."

Women have more rights and opportunities than they have had in decades and yet they are less happy than ever in both absolute terms and relative to men.

Marriage is part of why.

Heterosexual marriage is an unequal institution. Women on average do more of the unpaid and undervalued work of households, they work more each day, and they are more aware of this inequality than their husbands. They are more likely to sacrifice their individual leisure and career goals for marriage.

Marriage is a moment of subordination and women, more so than men, subordinate themselves and their careers to their relationship, their children, and the careers of their husbands.

Compared to being single, marriage is a bum deal for many woman. Accordingly, married women are less happy than single women and less happy than their husbands, they are less eager than men to remarry, they're more likely to file for divorce and, when they do, they are happier as divorcees than they were when married (the opposite is true for men) and they are more likely than men to prefer never to remarry.

The only reason this is surprising is because of the torrent of propaganda we get that tells us otherwise.

We are told by books, sitcoms, reality shows, and romantic comedies that single women are wetting their pants to get hitched.

Men are metaphorically or literally dragged to the altar in television commercials and wedding comedies, an idea invented by Hugh Hefner in the 1950s (before the "playboy," men who resisted marriage were suspected of being g**).



Not to mention the wedding-themed toys aimed at girls and the ubiquitous wedding magazines aimed solely at women. Why, it's almost as if they were trying very hard to convince us of something that isn't true.

But if women didn't get married to men, what would happen?

Marriage reduces men's violence and conflict in a society by giving men something to lose.

It increases men's efforts at work, which is good for capitalists and the economy. It often leads to children, which exacerbate cycles of earning and spending, makes workers more reliable and dependent on employers, reduces mobility, and creates a next generation of workers and social security investors.

Marriage inserts us into the machine. And if it benefits women substantially less than men.

This is from Business Insider.
So much truth
 
M

Miss Finest Wine

Guest
#19
Am not drunk but I think @Nefertities = @Miss Finest Wine . Their style of operating within the corridors of this village is similar. If am night dreaming pris wake me up.

MFW is bit tired of being compared to sooooooooooooooo many people. Male and female. Why do folk waste time trying to figure out some anonymous person out...MFW is Nef, Georgina, Real Tigress, Wakanyama and wengine that I have forgotten. She is male and shemale. Are you happy now?. Like I said a while back...people who wank to this handle are always folk I have never heard of or sina any interest in their threads. Never heard of you wanker...bye now.
 

Baba Toto

Village Elder
#20
If marriage to men makes women unhappy, tell her to become a lesbian and laugh all day and night.
FYI, the most miserable women on earth are lesbians.
 

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