Small talks coaching for Guys

If I look back in life , I think I denied myself the opportunity to socialize in high school. Maybe it’s because i saw seniors humiliate determined juniors. Maybe i didn’t know the art of conversation or develop the right courage to approach a girl.

I was always wondering, “what are these guys saying or talking about?” I admit it I was a self~made breezer. I realized that the fear of rejection and humiliation can make someone shy.

[CENTER][COLOR=rgb(41, 105, 176)][SIZE=5]Small Talks Gurus[/SIZE][/CENTER]
Apart from confidence, how do you start, sustain and end a conversation with a stranger? Which areas of life or topics do you focus on? Or What personal questions do you ask?

Often, the person with whom you are trying to start a conversation will have some unique aspect of themselves. Perhaps it is an item of jewelry, an unusual shirt, or maybe even a tattoo; something distinctive that tells a story about the person. Items like this give you a starting point for conversation.
Say something like:
[ul]
[li]“Wow, that is a beautiful pendant, what kind of stone is that?” or[/li][li]“Nice shirt, so you’re a Grateful Dead fan?” or even,[/li][li]“Is that a tattoo of Yoda on your shoulder?”[/li][/ul]
Be sure to avoid anything too intimate as a starting point or you’re likely to offend the other person. Don’t ask if that is her real hair color or if he is a regular at the gym.
After you receive a response, have something else to say that will give you a common platform on which to build a conversation and a relationship.

Before you start, think of a follow-up story. This is the key to building a conversation.
Follow up with something somewhat personal that relates to the other person and that tells him or her something interesting about you:
[ul]
[li]“The only place I’ve ever seen anything like that pendant was once at a bazaar in India.”[/li][/ul]

[ul]
[li]Or “My father was a real Dead Head; he took me to see them when I was a kid.”[/li][li]Or “I love tattoos, I’ve been thinking of getting one but I’m not sure what to get? How did you decide on Yoda?”[/li][/ul]
All of these statements help connect you to the person and keep the conversation moving. Remember, the goal is not to say the perfect thing or come across a certain way, but to open the door for more conversation.
[SIZE=5]2. Try the old standby: “Haven’t I seen you somewhere before?”[/SIZE]
Given the right circumstances, this conversation starter can work. If you say to someone, “You seem really familiar, do I know you from somewhere?” it makes it very easy to gather and give a lot of information and start a conversation.
[ul]
[li]“What high school did you attend?”[/li][li]“I was in the marching band, did you play an instrument?”[/li][li]“Where do you work?”[/li][li]“I’ve been to that Starbucks.”[/li][/ul]
As you go through the details of the other person’s life story, feel free to go off on tangents. Remember, you don’t really want to find out if you’ve met before; you want to get to know more about the other person.
[SIZE=5]3. Make a funny comment.[/SIZE]
One of the best ways to start a conversation is to make a funny comment about your surroundings.
[ul]
[li]“Hey, doesn’t our instructor look like Harry Potter?” or[/li][/ul]

[ul]
[li]“Is it just me, or is the guy in the front row asleep?”[/li][/ul]
Remember though—the goal is not to be mean-spirited or judgmental, so be sure to keep your comments light-hearted.
Then, try to invite the other person in on the joke.
[ul]
[li]“Where do you think he keeps his magic wand, in his briefcase?” or[/li][li]“Do you think he’s going to sleep through the whole class?”[/li][/ul]
Know that this method of starting a conversation can be risky. Humor is difficult with someone you don’t know well. However, if you find someone that shares your sense of humor, chances are that it will be the start of a great friendship. Think of this period as a time of testing the waters, to find people that think the same way you do.

I always have the opposite problem, how to ensure people dont talk to you, I dunnno if I have a very welcoming face or what people always talk to me like they know me from somewhere. Kwanza taxi drivers, my goodness. I had one lady taxi driver break down and cry on my shoulder after a 5 minute ride apparently her marriage was falling apart I had to seat with her a good 30 minutes after we arrived so she could get her composure back, another one who was male and was from Quatar told me all about his family and fears and stay of 9 years on a ride of less than 30 minutes. Everytime Id travel long distance no matter how stone faced I tried to be people would tell me their life story like an old friend. A Korean told me that I am the most soft hearted and sincere person he met during his stay in Kenya apparently to him Kenyans were always trying to take advantage of him, I think there’s a dearth of that kind,sincere,almost tender and accepting demeanor so people take to people with that look ,like fish to water. I think people just want to talk to people who look ‘soft’ and ‘sincere’ for lack of a better word- approachable. So perhaps you can soften your look so you appear more approachable. And then dont ask people questions like the way men like asking questions in a very grilling and aggressive manner, people dont like to be put on the spot. When I used public transport , I would rarely not talk to seatmates especially women because well if it was an older woman Id prolly want advice about something, its very easy to talk to women but most dont like politics so thats a no go zone. Men I was abit wary so I keep the conversation to yes/no answers because you never know the intention. I dont think its hard at all, unless you have a very hard appearance which smiling could help. Current affairs, if you’re with kids ask about their kids, people love talking about their kids. Men love politics . Talk about the weather - the floods. Dont ask people what they do ask what industry theyre in, then talk shop, it helps if you’re those people who is curious and knows a ton of random unassociated things. I once sat on a plane next to an artist , he initially started talking about the weather but soon as I found out he was an artist , we talked shop the entire trip mpaka he asked me if Id been to art school , I dont know that much but what Id do was if we talking about abstract Id ask him about them and he’d talk,talk,talk basically he’d do the rest of the talking, so just know the broad basics about everything and you can talk to anyone. I once had a guy explain to me about cricket, which I had and still have no interest in, he told me he was on the cricket team and all I had to say was that I played rounders as a kid and how different is it from rounders and out it came pouring. Everyone is passionate about something if you figure it out you’re off to the races. It helps if you’re naturally a curious person and you’re always open to hear about stuff you dunno. I think talking to humanbeings is the easiest thing ever. Ive never even thought about like what will we talk about, the less you overthink it the more it just flows, its as natural as breathing. Just be on their turf ,everyone loves talking about themselves and what they love even the most standoffish person.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…, Within 5 minutes of meeting a butcher recently he gnashed his teeth and wailed that he didn’t want to be cruel to animals like that anymore.

Ni vigumu kufuata guidelines kuongea na watu. Ukijipata unatumia guidelines na yeyote hama. Huyo mtu si hakufai. Mtu wa kwako hananga formula.

avoid potentially controversial subjects, and dont give your opinion right away, like politics and religion.

start with your caretaker, watchman, shopkeeper or that waiter who sell you coffee at Java

I have been a natural conversationalist since i was a kid, i can talk about any topic and will attract small crowds pf 5 people or so: i did study psychology and i can break for you down bit by bit how it works but that will take 2 years a 300 page book and some homework anyway i came to a conclusion that these 3 asspects will triple you social game.

1)build rapport- create a connection by talking about common topics ex: talking with a butcher how today’s meat is less quality.
2)where a smile - just a simple smile,do it all the time till its second nature(a smile means that you are a happy person.people want to meet happy people).
3)learn social ques- learn how to know if your listener is happy, sad ,interested and replicate those emotions back.

-they are not magic bullets so you need practice…a lot of it. Not one tactic works for all so tafuta yako, I once had a friend who could not talk talk to girls so to boost his confidence and persuasion tactics he talked street baggers into giving him small donations(najua ni mbaya but it worked for him, anyway he usually gave them 3 times the amount he was able to convince them) wacha niseme tu, pussy now to him now is like running water.

ungeweka pia link

I agree with you hapo kwa people like to talk about themselves. The only difficult part is knowing how to ask that question that makes them talk. Sometimes it is hard to find the best question, ukikosea utabaki tu ukiuliza closed end questions.

seriously! if you train yourself on how to have conversation with women, it’s a recipe for failure, conversations go with a man’s character

This is the best piece of advice on this subject.

You could always try the red pill way, be a jackass and see how that works out for yah hehehe!

A woman’s character matters more. Its like a tennis match, if you serve and she hits back lightly, you won’t enjoy the game. As men focus on the logic of things, women add feelings and emotions to it! It’s good to learn sth generic!