Societal pressure

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Mkufuu

Village Elder
#1
Yesterday as I was taking an evening break when some colleague frantically waved me down from far and quickly came over barely catching her breath. "Hi Mkufuu, I have been looking for you, sorry I don't have your number I could have called. I am having a wedding in three months' time and want to invite you to our wedding committee." Obviously I congratulated her then asked who's the lucky man. "I'ts another guy from Nakuru" So I immediately challenged her why she would call her SO "Another guy". Anyway gave her my number and in no time she forwarded a lengthy text inviting me to a wedding committee meeting that will be held somewhere in town.

My question is why do people have to organize for weddings that are beyond their financial capacity? My take is if you don't have the money, just organize for something you can afford or do away with it completely. Marriage is a private affair and although weddings are ceremonies there is absolutely no need to succumb to societal pressure and hold one that is beyond you. Now that my colleague is getting married to "another guy" why is it that she has to drag all of us into her situation yet we wont be party to it? If you want to hold a wedding just call close friends and family no need calling people that you will never consult for guidance if and when you marriage goes tits up. This one doesn't even have my number. It takes time sitting in wedding committees and guys will keep updating you with unnecessary developments as if they want you to up your contributions it's like a pity party. As human beings we are endowed with mental capacity that enables us be free thinking beings. There is absolutely no need to succumb to peer, social or societal pressure especially if it gives you mental stress and undue tension. Kaa huru usijibane. As for marriage, that's another story which for me is well summarized by Mwana FA in the video below.

 

Ice_Cube

Village Chief
#2
I agree with you. I wonder where people get the guts to go begging other people to fund their dream wedding? Its so annoying and I say this because I know I will never do that kama sina resources as yet dada utangoja ama we do a very simple ceremony for starters. I wont go humiliating myself pestering people to fund the wedding. Na kuna a new crop that is also asking people to help fund their dowry or bride price
 
O

Okiya

Guest
#3
If the wedding is in Nairobi, tell that couple to hire tents from me na wewe ukule 10%. I got 4 brand new 6x6 pagoda tents and 7 new hexagon tents. Can comfortably fit 600 guests seated restaurant style. Zinakaa kama hizi but mine have church windows

pagoda-tent.jpg
 

Mathaais

Village Chief
#4
It's perfectly within your rights to decline to be part of that wedding committee. Why did you accept to give her your number then come to whine here?
 

gashwin

Village Chief
#7
This message has been swamping my phone every Sunday and Monday afternoons. I am quoting verbatim but certain details have been redacted for obvious reasons:
"The organizing committee and the family of ......humbly reminds you to join us today 31st Aug at ....Hotel boardroom at 6.00 pm for our committee meeting of the preparation of the ceremony of annointing Mr. & Mrs ......into Apostleship. The ceremony will be held on the coming Saturday 5th Sep at our home in....RSVP 07......, 07........."
Their first of the messages was rather surprising because this is a couple who were my neighbours previously but are the type who will not even say hi when you meet on the corridor or car park. One night I had a migrainous headache and couldn't trace any painkillers in my house and when I knocked on their door the only thing the husband did was ask me "unataka nini?" through the door glass panes although he could clearly see it was me. I had not even known they had my number; perhaps they got it from the caretaker...
 
D

Deorro

Guest
#8
i talked about this in the tribalism post na some member akaniambia eti am young and immature
 

Purr_27

Village Elder
#9
This message has been swamping my phone every Sunday and Monday afternoons. I am quoting verbatim but certain details have been redacted for obvious reasons:
"The organizing committee and the family of ......humbly reminds you to join us today 31st Aug at ....Hotel boardroom at 6.00 pm for our committee meeting of the preparation of the ceremony of annointing Mr. & Mrs ......into Apostleship. The ceremony will be held on the coming Saturday 5th Sep at our home in....RSVP 07......, 07........."
Their first of the messages was rather surprising because this is a couple who were my neighbours previously but are the type who will not even say hi when you meet on the corridor or car park. One night I had a migrainous headache and couldn't trace any painkillers in my house and when I knocked on their door the only thing the husband did was ask me "unataka nini?" through the door glass panes although he could clearly see it was me. I had not even known they had my number; perhaps they got it from the caretaker...
:confused::confused::confused:NKT
 
B

Bhangi Iwe Huru

Guest
#10
If you want to hold a wedding just call close friends and family no need calling people that you will never consult for guidance if and when you marriage goes tits up.
Do you remember last week when @msalame grace was on about family being consulted when choosing a husband? That's why you can't have a small wedding. His family and he family will scrutinize the guest list and make insinuations about kukaliwa or our family being hated. So you give in and choose have a big wedding. You can't feed them bread and juice because every time you go to visit them they'll be talking about how they came to your wedding to eat bread. So you have to have pilau, chicken and tents and a good venue etc etc. Family that is supposed to be supportive will even make noise over who got the better cake. Then what is supposed to be a great day for you and your mate turns out to be stress and debt that will follow you for along time.

Help your friend out and attend the committee. Contribute whatever amount you can. I think there are many couples who simply have to have big weddings because they have no other option. Especially if they are city born and their relative in ocha think money flows on the streets like sewage water.
 

kermit

Village Elder
#12
This message has been swamping my phone every Sunday and Monday afternoons. I am quoting verbatim but certain details have been redacted for obvious reasons:
"The organizing committee and the family of ......humbly reminds you to join us today 31st Aug at ....Hotel boardroom at 6.00 pm for our committee meeting of the preparation of the ceremony of annointing Mr. & Mrs ......into Apostleship. The ceremony will be held on the coming Saturday 5th Sep at our home in....RSVP 07......, 07........."
Their first of the messages was rather surprising because this is a couple who were my neighbours previously but are the type who will not even say hi when you meet on the corridor or car park. One night I had a migrainous headache and couldn't trace any painkillers in my house and when I knocked on their door the only thing the husband did was ask me "unataka nini?" through the door glass panes although he could clearly see it was me. I had not even known they had my number; perhaps they got it from the caretaker...
These ones you just ignore. Uncouth people.
Yesterday as I was taking an evening break when some colleague frantically waved me down from far and quickly came over barely catching her breath. "Hi Mkufuu, I have been looking for you, sorry I don't have your number I could have called. I am having a wedding in three months' time and want to invite you to our wedding committee." Obviously I congratulated her then asked who's the lucky man. "I'ts another guy from Nakuru" So I immediately challenged her why she would call her SO "Another guy". Anyway gave her my number and in no time she forwarded a lengthy text inviting me to a wedding committee meeting that will be held somewhere in town.

My question is why do people have to organize for weddings that are beyond their financial capacity? My take is if you don't have the money, just organize for something you can afford or do away with it completely. Marriage is a private affair and although weddings are ceremonies there is absolutely no need to succumb to societal pressure and hold one that is beyond you. Now that my colleague is getting married to "another guy" why is it that she has to drag all of us into her situation yet we wont be party to it? If you want to hold a wedding just call close friends and family no need calling people that you will never consult for guidance if and when you marriage goes tits up. This one doesn't even have my number. It takes time sitting in wedding committees and guys will keep updating you with unnecessary developments as if they want you to up your contributions it's like a pity party. As human beings we are endowed with mental capacity that enables us be free thinking beings. There is absolutely no need to succumb to peer, social or societal pressure especially if it gives you mental stress and undue tension. Kaa huru usijibane. As for marriage, that's another story which for me is well summarized by Mwana FA in the video below.

sometimes people just make you antiscocial. hii ni upus gani? alafu wadivorce after wasting your money
 

bjurmann

Village Elder
#14
This is what I do.......I encourage the couple as if I care. Look concerned. But deep inside I don't give a chit. Whatsapp group nauliza mpaka directions Na kuuliza time iwe clarified ndio watu wa keep time. Morning message ya ukumbusho iki come nasema....guys lets keep time...see you then.

Then naenda missing. No one bothers me again.
 
D

Deorro

Guest
#20
Do you remember last week when @msalame grace was on about family being consulted when choosing a husband? That's why you can't have a small wedding. His family and he family will scrutinize the guest list and make insinuations about kukaliwa or our family being hated. So you give in and choose have a big wedding. You can't feed them bread and juice because every time you go to visit them they'll be talking about how they came to your wedding to eat bread. So you have to have pilau, chicken and tents and a good venue etc etc. Family that is supposed to be supportive will even make noise over who got the better cake. Then what is supposed to be a great day for you and your mate turns out to be stress and debt that will follow you for along time.

Help your friend out and attend the committee. Contribute whatever amount you can. I think there are many couples who simply have to have big weddings because they have no other option. Especially if they are city born and their relative in ocha think money flows on the streets like sewage water.
@Deorro , cheki comment ya @Bhangi Iwe Huru ndio uelewe haya mambo.
i think we speak the same language na @Bhangi Iwe Huru . hakuna kitu cha kuelewa hapa. if you cant afford it dont do it. go for cheaper options like Ag's chambers. at the end of the day si nyote mtapata certificate. what matters is how you and your spouse will live after the wedding
 
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