MY NEIGHBOUR HAS FINISHED ME
When I saw a call from my neighbor today, I hesitated receiving because I thought he wanted to complain about me putting on loud music. The idiot has been complaining incessantly that my obsession with loud music is irritating him. He even reported me to the landlord who then summoned me to a meeting graced by all watu Wa ploti including wamama wa moshene. I attended the meeting drunk.
But I got support from nearly all the neighbors present. The landlord, a bespectacled old doodling bully, dismissed the case due to lack of sufficient evidence. I was particularly humbled by the defense mounted by wamama Wa ploti who described me as a humble gentleman who can’t hurt a fly. They just stood there for me.
But this particular call was different. When I finally received, he told me that he needed help from me. I quickly concluded that perhaps he needed some money from this nigga. But alas! It wasn’t about money. He informed me that his sister was travelling from the village and he wanted me to accommodate her for the one week she would be in the city.
I stood up from the chair and started walking around the room swirling the pen in my hand like a car owner swirling his car key. I then asked, “when is she coming”? She told me she was on her way. I said that’s ok. A bright smile covering my face. I thought of a whole one week with a damsel in my house. What a friend we have in Jesus! I thought of a book authored by John Githongo, MY TURN TO EAT (title corrupted).
I then rushed home to receive the visitor. By the time I arrived, she had not landed. So I kept on waiting, all this time trying to put things in order in a house where things are always scattered. You can sometimes find salt and dirty plates in the bedroom and you would be lucky not to find a dirty spoon on on your way to the bathroom. I don’t wanna talk about socks because they’re stuffs you can meet everywhere within the house.
I waited. Constantly passing by the neighbour’s door to confirm if she has arrived. You remember that anxiety you have when you take your lady to test for pregnancy? Well by around 7.30pm, he called and announced the arrival of her sister.
She said they will take supper together then bring her over. Ok, as I make this post, the lady I was waiting for has been brought to my house. She is a thirty something years old breastfeeding mama from the village and she tagged along her other two kids, a boy and a girl.
The kids are calling me uncle Tisa, I don’t know why, and asking me annoying questions. I don’t understand why i agreed to this request. I feel betrayed by my neighbor. Is there anyone who can accommodate me for the next one week? I don’t want to come back to this house until they leave.
The most annoying part is that they’re so happy here.