Sunday Hekaya: Pastor Thagichu

Thagichu

Village Elder
#1
The few talkers who know me can testify that that I come from a very peasantry background. What nobody knows are the kind of hustles I have had to go through all in the name of escaping peasantry.

I happened to be a bright kid throughout my schooling. Am a straight A of1996, pale classified school in Nyahururu. And so, 1997 saw me get an admission letter for Moi University pale eld to study Civil and Structural engineering. Two problems arose. One, high school nilikua nalipiwa na bursary ya church, and it didn't cover beyond form 4. Two, Chacha Nyaingoti Chacha felt that my parents are too reach (sic) for me to qualify for HELB. In high school, I was used to walking to school (@Kasighau, tell them talkers the distance from Leshau Pondo to Nyahururu). There's no way I could walk to Eldoret. By some miracle, I got the first semester fees and fare, and joined university.

Me and Jesus have something in common- our fathers were carpenters. Only that my father specialized in coffins. So in university, whenever dad sent me some pocket money via telegram, I would write a letter back inquiring who has died. It always turned out to be a neighbour.

To survive in university, people had adopted to things like cooking in the rooms, girls pirating with their boyfriends, doing odd businesses, prostitution, etc. I would have loved to cook, ni vile nilikosa pesa ya kununua coil. I also loved business, lakini nilikosa capital. So, I adopted to taking one meal a day- a heavy lunch. And immersed myself into CU where I encouraged fasting. Then we went on strike over some shiet I can't recall, and the university was closed indefinitely which turned out to be 4 months. I went home.

Then a neighbour died. The guy was among the who-is-who in Leshau and environs. And he was a kafiri. Dad got the tender for supply and delivery of a coffin. And he did a good job coz three days to the funeral, the box was ready. But there was a problem. Nilisema jamaa alikua kafiri? Yes, so no pastor had been identified to conduct the service. One day during the macakaya, the issue was raised. The problem seemed to compound the grief, until I shone my eyes. I told the committee that besides studying engineering at university, I had enrolled for pastoral studies and was in fact set to graduate in a few months time. It was there and then agreed that am as good as a pastor and thus I would conduct the service. I did my research and compiled the readings, chantings and whatever else accompanies a funeral service. The local tailor also made a "collar" for me at a cost of 280 bob.

So, on the D-day, I was there and conducted the funeral service for the late mheshimiwa. Fortunately, I hated the fellow and thus no tears from me. I had earlier informed the family of the need for annoiting oil for the late, and they had happily given me some 1130 Bob for its purchase. I had a perfume bottle filled with water and this served equally well.

So, the function went very well, with elaborate readings from my handwritten notes and closely resembled a Mormon funeral. I made the final prayer after laying the wreaths then got into the house (VIP) for lunch. Then I was given an envelop with some 6,500.

And that is what motivated me to take a "career" as a pastor, a route that saw me conduct some 26 funeral services pale Langata cemetry, each paying between 3-9.8k.

I retired when I got a job in 2003.
 
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LINANI

Village Elder
#15
The few talkers who know me can testify that that I come from a very peasantry background. What nobody knows are the kind of hustles I have had to go through all in the name of escaping peasantry.

I happened to be a bright kid throughout my schooling. Am a straight A of1996, pale classified school in Nyahururu. And so, 1997 saw me get an admission letter for Moi University pale eld to study Civil and Structural engineering. Two problems arose. One, high school nilikua nalipiwa na bursary ya church, and it didn't cover beyond form 4. Two, Chacha Nyaingoti Chacha felt that my parents are too reach (sic) for me to qualify for HELB. In high school, I was used to walking to school (@Kasighau, tell them talkers the distance from Leshau Pondo to Nyahururu). There's no way I could walk to Eldoret. By some miracle, I got the first semester fees and fare, and joined university.

Me and Jesus have something in common- our fathers were carpenters. Only that my father specialized in coffins. So in university, whenever dad sent me some pocket money via telegram, I would write a letter back inquiring who has died. It always turned out to be a neighbour.

To survive in university, people had adopted to things like cooking in the rooms, girls pirating with their boyfriends, doing odd businesses, prostitution, etc. I would have loved to cook, ni vile nilikosa pesa ya kununua coil. I also loved business, lakini nilikosa capital. So, I adopted to taking one meal a day- a heavy lunch. And immersed myself into CU where I encouraged fasting. Then we went on strike over some shiet I can't recall, and the university was closed indefinitely which turned out to be 4 months. I went home.

Then a neighbour died. The guy was among the who-is-who in Leshau and environs. And he was a kafiri. Dad got the tender for supply and delivery of a coffin. And he did a good job coz three days to the funeral, the box was ready. But there was a problem. Nilisema jamaa alikua kafiri? Yes, so no pastor had been identified to conduct the service. One day during the macakaya, the issue was raised. The problem seemed to compound the grief, until I shone my eyes. I told the committee that besides studying engineering at university, I had enrolled for pastoral studies and was in fact set to graduate in a few months time. It was there and then agreed that am as good as a pastor and thus I would conduct the service. I did my research and compiled the readings, chantings and whatever else accompanies a funeral service. The local tailor also made a "collar" for me at a cost of 280 bob.

So, on the D-day, I was there and conducted the funeral service for the late mheshimiwa. Fortunately, I hated the fellow and thus no tears from me. I had earlier informed the family of the need for annoiting oil for the late, and they had happily given me some 1130 Bob for its purchase. I had a perfume bottle filled with water and this served equally well.

So, the function went very well, with elaborate readings from my handwritten notes and closely resembled a Mormon funeral. I made the final prayer after laying the wreaths then got into the house (VIP) for lunch. Then I was given an envelop with some 6,500.

And that is what motivated me to take a "career" as a pastor, a route that saw me conduct some 26 funeral services pale Langata cemetry, each paying between 3-9.8k.

I retired when I got a job in 2003.
After you left Moi,
Wanjala went to Tz for 4yrs
Shitote was demoted to a normal lecturer
M'Ndegwa replaced Wanjala's high handedness.
The trek between Ngeria and MTL became very dangerous at night, the C.U. chairman was raped on that street....
 

Thagichu

Village Elder
#16
After you left Moi,
Wanjala went to Tz for 4yrs
Shitote was demoted to a normal lecturer
M'Ndegwa replaced Wanjala's high handedness.
The trek between Ngeria and MTL became very dangerous at night, the C.U. chairman was raped on that street....
Wanjala gave me sleepless nights.
What happened to Egau?
 
#17
That's a good hekaya umetoka mbali from leshau to nyahururu is quite a distance. At that time I was in primary school and our headteacher would walk from L Pondo to kahutha and he would get to class by 7 before us lakini ile vita tulikuwa tunapata wacha tu
 

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