I spend alot of time on my own in my job and half the time i cant help it when my mind wanders along the way and i find myself laughing out aloud or just grinning to myself. Its a lonesome Job driving;but i love being alone! Sometimes i think of all the funny things KTalkers comment about and recently i cant help myself but laugh out loud on my own every time i remember @Electronics4u `s story of how he discovered that his “girlfriend” had been cheating on him with countless other men and that when someone eventually told him,his reaction was that he got a tremendous sudden need to Diarrhoea for 25 minutes even though his tummy was just fine until he heard the sad news!.. Hahahahahahahhahhhhaaa!!..
It reminded me of an ex of mine Kelis.
Kelis was not her real name i just used to call her Kelis because she looked exactly like Kelis the musician.
Njoki (Kelis) was from South C but she had come to Europe to study Medicine although she ended up doing Nursing because she partied too hard and “forgot” to attend Lectures etc. which got her kicked out.
Anyway,she was a year older than me but we hit it off immediately because i was at the prime of “Partying life” when we met at this place where we used to work.
We could go clubbing most days of the week and attend any concert anywhere in the country when we off work on weekends.
We had a Great time me and “kijo”
What i didnt know was that this Bitch was insatiable and she is the kind of woman that must have a Boyfriend and a "shag-mate" at any given time so when a close friend of mine told me that she had been seen snogging some other Kenyan dudes face off at a Bash,i refused to believe it.
Afterall,that was the only weekend that she was off while i was at work!.. “impossible”,i thought!.. “Kelis could Never do that to me!. She is my Girlfriend!..”
This guy went on to describe the car that the other dude had driven off in ,with my Kelis in it that Saturday after the bash. A blue BMW convertible.
I used to pick Njoki up from her place everytime we were on shift together and this Monday was no exception.
It was the Monday after my Best friend the DJ at the Bash had seen Njoki and the new guy leave together in a blue Bima.
I had tried to make contact with Njoki all day Sunday but she wouldnt answer my calls but i was so sure she would need me to pick her up on Monday on my way to work.So no sweat no stress... "she must have a good explanation" I though to myself as i drove on her Street trying to find a good spot to park my car close to her door that Monday Afternoon. As i manourvered my car into a tight spot a few cars from her door, i called her for the last time hoping that she would be ready because it was just 30 minutes before the start of our Shift so she must know that i am outside waiting for her. That is when it Suddenly Hit me that Right outside her door was a Metallic Blue BMW Convertible sitting on some Serious Alloys looking like it had "arrived!"........ "JESO!!!! " I must have screamed quietly to myself". It was True! I dont remember much after that but i remember my body temperature rising - well - it must have rose because my palms were all sweaty and i could hear my heart beating faster and faster… I was not myself and i recall that in my “out of Body” state i went to knock on her door although it seemed like everything was moving in slowmotion; just like in a Hollywood movie!..
A few knocks later and what met me was enough to make me pass out but i gathered myself together quickly although i couldnt stop my Stomach trembling violently as though i was ready to "go"!.... The curtain to the downstairs room which i knew all so well was the sitting room had opened just enough for me to see a Masculine,dreadlocked Mini Giant of a man with a Six-pack peeping through as though i had disturbed him.(i didnt even have a six-pack…)
As i stared at him in shock and awe,the window upstairs opened up and Njoki`s head emerged!
She was wearing her pink Nightdress that i had bought her and all she could tell me was " Sasa!. Niko na transport leo usijali. Tutaonana job!"
Jesus Of Nazareth!!!.. Gai!..
“Who is this woman?”… I asked myself as i held on to the wall of her house just incase i fell down and collapsed!
I finally managed to make my way to my car amidst the “marundu rundu” that seemed to be obscuring my vision on an otherwise bright sunny summer day!
The Comedy of this saga came as i drove to work feeling totally gutted and empty inside.
At one point i wanted to turn my car around and call in sick for the shift but i thought …“fuck it!” i am better than that!
Anyway,Njoki had a bad habit of doing her make up in the car on our way to work and she would annoy me by leaving her comb on the dashboard and it would slide to my side at every corner and destruct me as i drove.
Being the “thoughtful” boyfriend,i would always drop her passenger side mirror (from the sun-shield) and get her comb from the glove compartment everytime just before i picked her up.
I had done the same on this fateful afternoon and as usual, the annoying Comb kept sliding to my side on the dash board everytime i went round a bend.
In the heat of my Bad Tempered Drive on one corner i remember the Comb coming straight at me and the funniest thing that still gives me a chuckle to date is that i Managed to hold it tight,i sniffed on it,rolled down my passenger side window and chucked it straight out of the window!.. i then proceeded to undo the whole sun-shield on the passenger side and chuck it out of the moving car in anger!..
That must have been the longest Shift of my working career as i couldn`t stop the trembling in my tummy.
Hiyo siku ndiyo nilijua Enyewe These Hoes Aint Loyal!..
This is me driving on a Dual Carriage way thinking about @Electronics4u `s Story today…
You have to Laugh…
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