My very good friend, a young man with a wife and two kids decided to fall in love with a single mother living directly opposite his door, in the same plot. Mistake number one.
He had the guts to sneak into this very house whenever the wife wasn’t around, fuck the hoe and go back to his house, without raising an eye brow. He did this for quite some time.
One fine Sunday morning, the guy decided he wanted a morning glory from the single mother, I don’t know who to blame for such expensive stunts but he did. The wife and the kids were fast asleep, of course it was very cold in Nairobi.
Kwa hiyo plot yao, the toilets were built at the far end, directly opposite the gate. So jamaa akaamka kitu four hivi akijifanya anaumwa na tumbo and pretended to go to the loo, that was the plan if in case the wife noticed him. Kumbe they had set this date beforehand with the hoe na wakaelewana awachiwe mlango wazi ndio akija, aingie tu.
So he stealthily walks to that door, gently pushes it open and goes straight to fuck.
That hoe was a Kamba and the way my guy was describing her superiority in bed, I couldn’t help but pray it wasn’t kamote or something.
They romped, two straight rounds then took a rest. When he looked at the watch, it was almost five in the morning so they agreed to do one more before he went back to his wife. Blunder.
Walisema wapumzike kiasi wakifanya build up to that last round. The idiots fell asleep!
It was very chilly and there was light drizzle, combined with the work they had done already, sleeping was inevitable. They woke up when somebody loudly banged the gate, it was quarter past six.
Being a chilly morning and a Sunday, most people were still asleep. So the hoe went to the door to inspect the situation before the guy could come out. No more sex, he had to go back to his house. There was nobody in sight so she beckoned him to move.
Meanwhile, the wife had noticed the hubby had gone for too long and decided to peep through the door, maybe something was amiss outside. Seeing nothing, she decided to open the door and look around.
So both doors swung open at the same time, na bibi na bwana wakabaki wanaangaliana from opposite doors, both in shock. The hoe was standing right behind the guy, I don’t know what was going through her mind. They stood there for almost thirty seconds, nobody spoke.
Then all of a sudden, jamaa akachomoka mbio and ran straight to my house, panting. He banged my door so loudly so nikaamka nikamfungulia, I was a bachelor by then. I knew something was very wrong. Alikuwa amevaa short na vest, he was basically naked.
Huko nyuma, a full blown war was going down with all the craziest insults you can imagine of.
Hearing this noise and the little explanation he could muster, I connected the dots. I gave him clothes and some cash to vanish until things cooled down. Sikutaka kuinvolve kwa hii issue by hiding him in my crib.
If you’re told not to fuck your next door neighbour, please, heed the advice, worse have happened undocumented.
The war ended with two p3 forms, kila mtu na yake and the dude was left a bachelor after a very serious dent on his pockets.
