The day I messed with my uncle's donkeys.

After clearing high school I was focused on 2 things only, getting laid and getting drunk, nothing else mattered. Hio December kulikuwa na leavers bash ingine nomare pale mtaani Limuru. This gig was legendary, it was the place to get laid multiple times. It was more of an orgy than a leavers bash. Kuna hype man juzi juzi nimeskia akidai wangari mathaai alisema ukipata shimo unapanda mti akanikumbusha vile nilikuwa nazipanda…libido levels zangu zilikuwa off the charts. Now in limuru,punda huko ni part of society. After zimechapa kazi asubuhi huwa zinaenda roundi alafu zinajirudisha jioni. Ni safer kwenda out na punda if you are a heavy drinker, huwa unatoka bar,unapanda kwa cart alafu unaiambia “mucíe”…ukiamka utajipata kwako…PUBER version. Since mimi na crew tulikuwa na plans za kuget wasted, tuka come up na plan ya kuiba punda za uncle yangu. He was a regular drinker “kúria kabe” and cousin yangu kama informant wetu akatupee reliable information kuwa uncle amelipwa bonus ya sacco ya maziwa kwa hivyo atakuwa na punda pale mtaani.

After 2hrs of some covert operations opposite the Kigoco bar & restaurant he finally arrived at exactly 21:00hrs. Vile aliingia na sisi hao na punda hadi bash. Grounds za kuuza punda zilikuwa hapo karibu so takapark punda pale. Ma weed cookies na weed zenyewe ndio zilikuwa staple food huko ndani. Ukisha teremsha na sip kadhaa za safari cane unakuwa m-iron kama ile lion ya zion. Wambui wa mama kiarie ndio alikuwa main puthyy yangu huko,hio kitu nilirarua to satisfaction. Ilifika place sasa hatungeweza kuongezea pombe ingine. Tukatembea na marto na steve hadi kwa parking na tukaingia puber yetu. Vile tu tulipanda nikaiambia mucie tukablackout sisi wote. Punda ikatembea polepole at 4am usiku kama imetubeba. Gate ya uncle ilikuwa zile za kuswing so punda iliingia virahisi na ikajipark nyuma ya nyumba.

Initial plan yetu ilikuwa ku abandon zile punda immediately tumefika but current situation haingeturuhusu. Uncle kawaida yake alikuwa anaendea maji before aingie bed,ata kama amekunywa aje. Kitu 5.00 kama tunangorota pale back seats ya puber, uncle akaingia compound akiwa amewaka moto. Nilikuwa nambiwa alikuwa anasema maadui wake ndio wameiba punda juu wanaona alitajirika. Aunty ndio aliangalia nyuma ya nyumba place punda huwa zinalala, akaona punda ziko but nyuma kuna vitu zinakaa ngunia ama watu. Uncle kuambiwa hivyo akachomoka mbio akitisha vile hatumjui na lazima kifo ifuate mtu. Aunty na yeye akaanza kawaida za wamama wa kijiji, nduru kila mahali. Kwa hio commotion nikajiskia. Noma ilikuwa kuingiza ile environment nilikuwa but kuangalia kando nikaona sign board flani ya bata uncle alikuwa ameiba. Kwa umbali nikamskia anakuja na fujo mingi sana. Kureact mbio nikaingia chini ya ile cart alafu nilikuwa na zile tshirt za fubu zilikuwa zinashine hadi kwa giza ikabidi nimeitoa. Sijui kama mshawai skia sauti ya paka imechomwa mkia ikipita karibu na moto ya kuni? Hio sauti ndio steve alitoa after amewekelewa nyahunyo moja kali sana. Marto kusikia hivyo akaruka mbio mkono ikiwa imekwama kwa mjulubeng juu belt ilikuwa imemshika. Yeye ni wale watu wa kulala kama wanajisugua nyeti. Shamba boy naye alikuwa ameamkia kumilk ngombe akabamba marto akamrusha kwa store ya waru ilikuwa hapo. Steve alionyeshwa ile nyahunyo akajipeleka kwa store kama mbuzi na bado alikuwa anapiga nduru,nikaona wamefungiw nikajua sasa ni noma. After uncle kujishasha kiasi vile yeye ni simba na hakuna mtu anaezana na yeye limuru yote, akadai drum za maji ziwekelewe kwa cart. Shamba boy akazichangamkia mbio mbio na akarudi job zake.

Place alikuwa anachota maji ni karibu na home, ulikuwa unafika kwa hospitali then chuo flani alafu home then place ya maji. so nikaanza kuchora vile nitapata ride nishukie hapo na hakuna vile ningejishikilia hapo chini ki rambo. Bahati poa uncle akaenda kukojoa kwa maua zilikuwa hapo. Mimi huyo hadi kwa drum ndani na nikatulia kabisa. Blunder nilifanya ni kuacha tshirt pale nilikuwa. Idea ilikuwa kuhesabu corner zile tutachapa. Nilikuwa nahitaji corner saba nijue niko home.

One…two…three…four…zile corner nilikuwa nazifeel zote. Kitu nilisahau ni ati ile njia nilidhani atapitia ilikuwa imeharibika. So alichukuwa route ilikuwa inapitia kwa soko alafu kaburi, shule, home then place ya maji. After nimefeel corner ya saba niliruka kutoka ile drum kama mwenda with an acrobatic style flavoured with a supehero landing. Kitu mgongo yangu ilipatana nayo ni thabai (nettle sting).
Ile sauti ya steve niliamplify mara tano. Hakuna uchungu ishawai fikia hio. Picture getting circumcised with an axe,hio ndio uchungu ilinihit. Kuangalia juu naona uncle ametoka mbio yake yote. Nikapanda gari ya punda na nikaziendesha ile mbio ya escorts za uhuru. Nikashukia home nazo zikaendelea na safari. Kitu ya kwanza nilikimbilia kwa keja ni maji ya chumvi na nikaweka dettol nikajimwagilia. Within afew minutes I was good but swollen. Kama nimetulia kwa bed,nikaskia mtu anabang mlango ya main house. Kuchungulia kwa dirisha naona ni uncle. After dakika kiasi,siz akakam kuniita. Kufika pale naambiwa tuombe sisi wote ati uncle amekuja kuombewa na mathee aokoke.

Uncle aliokoka for less than 2hrs vile steve na marto waliniset kwa aunty na tshirt yangu ikaonekana. Plus akaanza kushikanisha. Mathee kuskia hio story alienda akakata piece ya pipe ya maji akapee uncle yangu. Nilinyoroshwa vizuri hadi mwezi mzima sikutoka nyumba na si juu ya kukaziwa, ni ile kichapo umepewa.hadi magoti yenyewe inalia kama kuni zinavunjwa.

Good hekaya

:D:D

Umechangamka hivyo kwa kuona ni hekaya ya digiri?

he he…hekaya poa.

Funny shit. KIU. Keep It Up.

:D:D:D:D:D…hekaya iko on point .

Hekaya tamu kweli kweli!

I always suspected that you climb donkeys!

:D:Dii kali

:D:D
Shait.

:D:D Kumbe uber idea ilikua incubated kwenyu …nice one

:D:D:Dhekaya swaf

Hekaya swafi.
ION, looks like there’s something about donkeys and talkers…

‘mucie’ Hehe

Hekaya of the year award

He he he, matako ya punda alienda wapi?

Wanafaa watulipe hizi rights

Nice hekaya. Very hilarious! Eti marto alikuwa analala akijisungua sehemu nyeti?

:D:D:D:D