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I’m seated here at my patio looking outside and trying to add things up on how I got here. I just drowned two shots of some Mexicans gin I randomly picked from the fridge to help me think through but still I can’t. This is how it all started:
My friend has been dating a Kenyan lady from California who comes to visit and then goes back. This has been going on for 2 years till last week Monday she asked my friend that morning “Unapanga aje because tunamangana yet we aren’t planning any future. I need to know where we are headed to” This caught him off-guard and as a man he had to buy time to get a clear answer. But to her his answer wasn’t satisfactory enough and she concluded his answer to be “NO PLAN”
Sorry I forgot to mention that my friend works for Microsoft and blows a good salary. His girlfriend works for an audit company but has no makaratasi. Now, where was I? Back to the story, so last week Monday after he dodged the question, she hatched a plot to finish this promising young man and this is how it was executed …
We drank together, me, him and her till 2am when I decided to leave them. I called Uber for a ride home since I was too stoned to drive. I left them at 2.30am. So as usual they went to bed to have sex. When they were done she got up and started screaming loud "You have raped me, you have raped me "and ran to his roommate’s room and cried to him that Pat had raped her. But he calmly told her “Si you guys have sex all the time, how come he has raped you today?” This didn’t calm her instead it added fuel to the fire. She dialed 911 and police came with an ambulance following shortly.
My friend was picked, handcuffed and taken to Burien detention. The witch then wrote a statement with police got a case number and was taken to nearby hospital to pick DNA sample of his semen to incriminate him with sexual assault/rape. I was called Tuesday 6am by his roommate who witnessed it all as I was nursing my hangover. “Pat is in Jail and he is being held on sexual assault/Rape with that Shiko lady you guys were hanging out with yesterday” This hit me like a truck full of sewer and didn’t know where to start.
On Tuesday morning, he was arraigned in court with orange stripped uniform. I almost broke down and cried when I saw him. On Monday, he was a software engineering supervisor but on Tuesday 9am he is a sex offender and a rapist. What was messed up is that this woman/accuser/Shiko went ahead that morning to immigration department located in Tukwila to file papers using the police and doctor’s report to get a UNISA visa (a visa given to immigrants who have no papers if they have a proof that they have been sexually, physically or emotionally abused with an American citizen or permanent resident this visa enables them to work and live like a permanent resident .) We were thinking of raising the $75,000 to bail him out but luckily his sister used her house as a collateral for the bond
Thursday morning, he was freed on bond and at 12pm he received an email that he has been fired from Microsoft with immediate effect. So here I am seated watching that wooden fence, trying to understand what just happened. I have advised for you young men in diaspora especially America
1 Never ever date a Kenyan lady without papers if you know you have no future with her. You might be used as a ladder to her freedom
2 Every time you think of having sex with these women, make sure you have a saved text messages of all the lewd text messages you guys exchange. You never know when this will be handy. Thank God, he had these messages and will help him fight his case next week. If possible record your conversation during sex
3 If you really must, you’d rather sleep with a prostitute than these Kenyan girls, otherwise abstain till you marry
4 Before you get laid make sure you have condoms or anything to protect yourself with. Don’t go inside unprotected
Ill brief you with what the outcome will be next week after court but let’s pray for this young man