This is my life.

Please let me start by saying am not looking for any sympathy.Mnitusi mkitaka. I truly won’t mind. Might be a long read for some. Just a slim hope that someone more knowledgeable than me might offer some sort of direction to take.

For a long time now I have run away from things in life. If I feel things are slightly even getting complicated I will build a shell and just go M. I. A. That’s just how I am. I believe I suffer from multiple personality disorder. For the longest part I dismissed this as total white people bullshit but today I nearly lost it. So I have looked at things that point to this and I found a few. To start with I have multiple accounts here. 2 are full blown Elders and I contribute regularly. I have realised I act very differently when am on these accounts. I display different emotions and beliefs on the separate accounts. This account is sort of my safe space and I feel naeza fungua roho. I thought by creating different accounts and letting my alter egos out i would feel better but this has achieved the exact opposite. Everytime I logged into one account I would just expose myself into very distinct shock wave of emotions. I have never felt so broken and self destructive in my life. It was a bad idea.

I have anxiety attacks. I get anxious about the smallest things in life. Do I have my wallet with me? Did I lock my house before leaving?I obcess over such issues even when I have confirmed these questions in the affirmative. This has gotten so bad that recently that in most occasions I find myself coming back from the main gate just to check if I have locked my flat. It has become so often that I now pretend to have forgotten something lest my neighbours think am going mad.

I get depressed and nobody will know about it. I just want it all to end. I don’t really want to kill myself but I want the world to open up and swallow everything in it. I know am a bit of a sadist. Okay maybe more than a bit.

I have trust issues. I just can’t bring myself to trust anybody for some reason. Some of you might say am just insecure in light of my previous posts but honestly am pretty secure of myself for the most part. We all have our own little insecurities but mine is a trust issue. I just feel trusting someone is a burden and constantly look for excuses to escape this burden. If I break up with my girl right now a small part of me will feel sad but a BIG part of me will feel relieved that am not with the burden of trusting her.

I have anger issues on occasions although It’s getting better by the years. I am much calmer now as compared to when I was in High school.

So is this all normal? Am I just a pussy? Do I have genuine issues that I have ignored over my life? I want to help myself but if I can’t I guess this is God’s little gift to me. To be in a state of constant confusion.

no one cares. Piss off

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It actually helps to know no one cares about me but myself. Asanteni

MAn UP banar. Story zingine huwezi saidika hapa. Man UP!

Cunt wewe.

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Just be.

@Quanstrom Sema msee.

Oh hh sharrapp !!

Pole sana goodfella depression is such a big issue n most pple drown it with crazy stuff like addictions ,alcohol etc just to feel better. It’s allowed to hve some different personalities from others. But dnt push away pple who care for you …using flimsy excuses

Get professional help if gets bad …and try Jesus he always works for me.:slight_smile: sometimes he is the only one who can exorcise demons one has fought for years

You need a mental health evaluation. Your behaviour seems to be having a negative impact on your life. Seriously do this.

:D:D I knew that ferker was deranged.

msee

hehehe

You are just a pussy mate. Visit your nearest bar. Drown your sorrows. Wake up a new man.

So sad. Heri ungelenga uende thread zingine.

:eek:o_O:(

There is nothing wrong with you, you are just human like everybody else. Nobody has a problem free life.

You need to see a counselor. That’s all I can say.

you even talkn to yourself in public now?:eek::eek::eek:…piga hii no. ndugu 0712345678-Kiogo Mathare HSptl

Pole sana man Bingwa is also going through the same…unmarried at 45 years,he must be having trust issues too.