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To help me fix that
bathroom bulb that is way up
there, beyond my reach.
2. I need a man to bring me
that nice herbal tea they serve at
Java when I am battling a serious
bout of flu.
3. To help me zip up my
dress in the morning. It will save
me the comical, time-wasting antics
I do in the morning, as I dress up.
4. I need a man to take my
car for service at the garage. And
to help me figure out what was
that funny noise I heard emerging
from the left front wheel.
5. I need a guy to buy me
flowers and expensive dinners on
my birthdays. Not that my last
birthday was boring, I just need a
constant birthday partner.
6. To surprise me with a spa
treatment after sitting my exams.
7. I need a fun partner for
road trips. Oh, and since I don’t
drink alcohol and can drive
relatively well, I will drive you as
you take your booze. Because with
me, you are assured of a designated
driver.
8. A boyfriend to sing along
with to that soulful Bill Withers’
song Lean on me -and mean every
word, that he can lean on me as I
can lean on him, that I’ll be his
friend, and help him carry on
forth…
9. I need a boyfriend to help
me flip my ugali on the plate. That
hot sufuria always burns my
fingers!
10. I need a boyfriend who my
nieces and nephew will love. I need
company to keep me busy as I take
them swimming.
11. I need a guy to help me tell
if the beef stew is over salted
12. I need a man to confiscate
all the sugary stuff I have hidden
in various corners in my house. Oh,
one to tell me that eating ice cream
in bed at midnight is a bad idea.
13. A boyfriend who will tell
me how nice my bum looks in that
yellow dress. Hahaha.
14. A boyfriend to lend me his
hat in the middle of the night at
the club.
15. A guy who will defend me
on twitter when everybody is
attacking my articles. Must also
defend me at the club when plus
sized girls spot me and walk over
to ask me why I have been telling
them the hard truth.
16. A boyfriend to call when I
have a flat tyre on the
superhighway.
17. A boyfriend to go to church
with and gossip with about the
couple seated next to us
afterwards.
18. A boyfriend to hang out
with on weekends in my house.
Doing absolutely nothing.
19. A boyfriend who will do to
me that thing that I like very much.
You know what I mean? Yes that
one!
20. A boyfriend to annoy me
and cause me to occasionally
consider setting his Italian suits on
fire.
21. A boyfriend to dance with
in the house and learn cool moves
that we will later show off at the
club.
22. A boyfriend to give my
mum hope that one day I will walk
down the aisle. Before 40.
23. A boyfriend that I will
surprise at his workplace with a
cake on his birthday.
24. Finally, a boyfriend to
annoy, infuriate, heap my stress on,
show him lots of drama, threaten to
dump and still call me the next day,
to tell me he is standing outside my
door with vanilla ice cream.
If you are a tall, dark-skinned,
stylish man who smells of designer
cologne, wears nice brown suede
boots and a matching belt, wears
fitting jeans has a nice cap that I
can occasionally borrow, and you
drink fine whiskey and doesn’t
smoke, then I am your girl.
Men on Instagram need not bother
to apply. I don’t date losers