TRIBULATIONS OF DEEZY

#1
Besides God,always respect and fear Women....Yes,always RESPECT & FEAR women.And when i say women,i specifically refer to these Cambodian women from Nyeri or Kabete.And whenever i hear my mates discuss yellow yellows from these two hoods,i always throw Saliva away and look at them with "Manyiraa"...I end up assuming they don't know or have never heard of my sweet Muthoni;known to many as Kamsoo.
For the ones who do not her,Kamsoo is a cross breed of Kabete and Nyeri.From their family historical background,Muthoni's father great grandfather's father of the great grandfather hailed from Nyeri..Whereas that of Muthoni's mother hailed from Kabete.So you can guess who Muthoni is in terms of Character...Oooh..i almost forgot to tell you that Muthoni has a blackbelt in Martial art and she is a very prayerful woman.Though i have doubt there is hypocrisy in the latter.An incidence happened today that left with another thought of her.It made me believe that she is a Witch.Anyway let me narrate what happened,may be you will side with me.
So today i was supposed to meet a client in Nakuru.Besides meeting the client,i had some other plans and through connections,i had a set of biuriful yellows yellows set aside for yours truly to spend the weekend in the streets of Nakuru.So yesterday muthoni had prepared some maharagwe mixed with different types of whatever she knows where she got them from.The best definition that could fit this mixture is mashakura.Yesterday i got home late and as it is my norm...whenever i go home late,i eat from town and the next morning i'd take what was prepared.And if i'd fail to take the food,muthoni moves to the bedroom and changes to some spiderman clothing and whenever she does that,i always end up a victim of her Karate trainings.And don't forget she does that while screaming and everyone within the plot believes that i always beat my wife and they wonder what kind of a man iam.Besides,who would believe a huge bearded man like me could ever end up a victim of being beaten by her wife.Haki na vile watu wamenitambua.Whenever neighbours ask why iam beating my wife,i always look them badly and tell them "Hawa wanawake wa siku hizi usipowanyorosha watabaki kukukalia".. They would just look at me with that face of " Okay,nîwe mûgîî"
Anyway,back to the story.
So today i took the mashakura and left for Nakuru.I arrived safely and after the business i called my connections for my set of yellow yellows...Deep inside my heart i knew it's now or never...Thiga must be circumcised. So after organising on where to pick her....the worst happened....Have you ever had an urgent urge to pee and the force inside tells you that if you don't do something,then you'll defiantly shit on your pants?That was me after organising with the Yeng.There was a public toilet just next to where i was but wamadogogio ni nani....Vile hii economy inanikimbisha nilipe 10 bob juu ya kudispose waste from my body...nefaaa nefaa...Your's trurly can't. So i had to think Quickly....and i opted to drop pale kingdom Seekers.After all it is a church and they won't ask me relieving myself.I did it and went and locked myself inside.Iam this kind of a guy who get's to the washrooms,removes my phone,rolls down my pants,sits on the on toilet bowl and concentrates on my phone as i relieve myself and takes almost 20 minutes before iam through....The best feeling ever.
So pale Kingdom Seekers i concentrated on my phone as i relieved myself.I did not even hear someone lock the toilet from inside.And it was after a series of missed calls and texts from the yellow yellow waiting for me pale 7D....I was caught by shock on after unlocking the door from inside and realized it was locked from outside...I tried banging the door and shouting atleast someone get's to hear me but all was in vain.
I swear nimekaa hapa hadi 7.00p.m nikingoja mtu anaeza kuja kunifungulia...All this time i was thinking of how i lied to muthoni yesterday that iam off for a three days job and will be back on monday morning...And that's when i started of doubting her of being a witch.
Anyway,to cut the story short,leo kulikuwa na kesha pale kingdom seekers and one of the washirikas who was much pressed has come to my rescue....I have canceled all my plans...hata niko hapa FreeArea narudi Nairobi.Kama tulikuwa na mipango any na wewe tafasarii chukua gari unifuate Nairobi....
Halafu nimekaa hapa mbele kwa Dereva na Dame inakaa kuitwa brathee...Inashika tu jabbah na ka Energy mdogo mdogo...Kindly someone tell my sweet Muthoni iam coming home...I don't want her to rogaa me more.
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I remain yours truly ;
Deezy Wamadogogio.
 

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