MIMI HUA SIKUNYWI POMBE! lol.But unless you are looking for a wife, it is cheaper to date a lady who swallows arkohorr than a sober one.
Tupige hesabu. When a beer swallower drinks one mzinga of Smirnoff, several hawkerable smokies and kuku-chips porno, she gets her day easily made and you nyandua her nyandunyandu the whole WEEKEND! Total Budget plus CDs is less than 3k. Amen?
Sasa dem sober will come at lunch hour, na ju halewi, you decide to treat her in an expensive hotel that serves you with cutlery more than your braincells. Lunch alone for two, approximates to 3K minimum, then because you are a comrade of Ole at kibandaskyi, yu cry in a warrathis accent the whole day!
Harafu you go to the cinema for mamoviemovie ivi. In your small mind, you calculate the entry, popcorn na delmonte plus izi nonsense zingine for two movies is kedo 4k in total, for 2. My friend, you have already spend kedo 7k and it is not yet 6pm! You can’t ask for a sober Cannan(as Dagitari calls it) at 6pm, even Moses didn’t see it, who are you! Who are you? Who are you to see Canaan that early? So, you are forced to go for supper and eat it polepoleee to push time. You know darkness makes women more romantic n horny, so, as you eat, you pray to see her sober horns growing but ng’ooooo, she still looks like a calf. After eating at a momo’s walking speed, it is not yet night enough, it is only 8. The hyena in you concludes it is better to take her out for Rhumba night to block her from the “matatu za kwetu zitaisha” excuses. Entry for rhumba night is 2 drinks per head. Coz you agreed on no alcohol, you are forced to pay for 4 religious Delmontes! FOUR! And those rhumba caves sell delmonte like land or Brookhouse school fees. One goes for 800, so you mathematically get castrasted of 3200(enough for 3 mizingas, soda, miraa, big G and a tip for yelloyello waiters). You are forced to sip on the delmonte with anger and a grudge for whoever introduced soft drinks in clubs. You wonder if they will go to heaven and if they go, how will they explain this to Simon Peter! You silently pray that they rot in hell with Trump and Red Devil fans! Ghasias!
At 10pm, she is already crying she needs to go home. She remembers she is SDA and it is two hours to Sabbath. You cry. You bleed inside. Your pity your salary. You mourn at the thought of the extra hours you spend at work to earn that money. But still the fisi in you convinces the small brain between your legs that it won’t go to the drain, sink, pant or Vaseline. You therefore spend 20 minutes convincing her to sleep at your place.
She agrees, but because she doesnt want to look malayamalaya like random MKU gals, she calls a taxi. You smile like a size 8 porcupine but inside you are on your knees talking to God directly, “Mungu wa Yeremaiyah! I know i didnt pay my tithes, are you taking them this way?” You consult the math teacher in you and the taxi thing adds 2000 on your wailing wallet. The total is now 12,200ksh. Mai mai mai, si that is enough for dowry for ladies who cant cook chapati jamaneni?
Finally you arrive in your cave of a bedsitter. “kwani you don’t have an extra room for visitors or an extra bed?” You employ lugha za wahenga to Convince her to share a bed. Thats when she decides to sleep with 5 stockings and a helmet over her head, a life saver over her chest, bloomer and 7 panties around her waist n covers them with overall ya mijengomijengo ivi.
You suffer the whole night coz your chabichabi is alert like KDF saluting, its veins are out waving, every ounce of blood has migrated from the head to the chabichabi, all your brains have moved from the skull to the balls. You try to touch her kidogo n she slaps you kaKofi inarestore factory settings. Mungu tuonekanie. You persevere for 20 minutes till she start snoring, then polepolee you start inserting your chabichabi past the mjengo overall, 7 pantis, bloomer n tracksuit. When you are almost seeing Canaan, like Moses, she slaps you, restoring your factory settings again. It is 5 minutes to sabbath now remember? So, you say kama mbaya mbaya and enter by all means. Before you know it, you are a rapist at kamiti eating githeri and texting people random “Am Kristie from Canada” messages and avoiding the face of Satan the chief kipiii but Satan won after all, and he is showing you his middle finger with a Mugabe smile. You crucify yourself with rat n rat and die, then meet Satan again who burn you up like horny saitanii!
MORAL: UNLESS YOU WANT TO MARRY THEM AVOID SOBER WOMEN LIKE PLAGUE. they don’t deserve to be treated, just take them to church instead and buy them soda ya matiapa! Nice lunch!
Please acknowledge source, ama uketi pale
Hakuna cha ama. Hana choice. Mwizi. Pragializt. Copycat…mefi
Ole Weru keti pale -------------------->
Rudi huko umesanya ii hekaya ulete zingine nne ama ukule ndengu NV
http://www.wazua.co.ke/Images/Emoticons/eusa_clap.gifhttp://www.wazua.co.ke/Images/Emoticons/eusa_clap.gifhttp://www.wazua.co.ke/Images/Emoticons/eusa_clap.gif… letaa hekaya yakoo priss… hii http://www.wazua.co.ke/Images/Emoticons/eusa_naughty.gifhttp://www.wazua.co.ke/Images/Emoticons/eusa_naughty.gifhttp://www.wazua.co.ke/Images/Emoticons/eusa_naughty.gifhttp://www.wazua.co.ke/Images/Emoticons/eusa_naughty.gif yako
vire umeambiwo hapo juu
woiii…shule zimefungwa…we are in trouble
Idiots just.Hawajui tumeona na tukaskia yote.
This is a stolen story. Kindly repent before we call in Kumi Bora squad, with hd cameras to boot.
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All in one day, go back to the basics
KALI. Acknowledge source lake ni
it’s gonna be a loooong two months