I really don’t know which forum to post this. I have a very “plastic” relationship with my dad. The short of it is that dude wasn’t there for us when we were growing up. He is poligamous and my mum is the first wife. He worked in Nairobi all his life and stayed there with the second wife and her kids. They only relocated back to the village when he retired. He concentrated on the second family and they lived a very enviable life while our mum toiled to feed us (okay at least school fees alikuwa anatuma but food, clothing, medication were a big problem).
Fast forward, sisi from the first house tume make it in life and not so for the second house. Mzee alinunua poshomill na tractor up on retirement and they all got grounded within 5 years of retirement. So now he fully depends on us to support him and his second family. I have tried to forgive him niachie mungu but I have not managed. When I go to shags he tries to be close but I can just read through his theatrics, I see all of it as fake since he is only interested in the financial help. He has never really apologised for the neglect and whenever as at a family event we bring up a story ya vile tulikuwa tunasurvive he quickly changes the topic. Anyone else gone through this? I help him a lot but mauchungu ndio zimekataa kuisha.
Saidia familia yako bwana! Hata wewe pesa zako zitaisha siku moja.
Your dad is your dad. Sort the maafaka out. You dont have to be close but do your best.
Aliwasomesha na sasa uko boss. Forgive and move on and hope you don’t rewind his sins.
Shukuru una mzazi ako hai kaka. Kiburi hakitakupeleka mbali. I have seen relatives who have been thru similar circumstances and when they become parents they realise that whatever we do comes full circle. forgiveness is very hard and we naturally as humans always look at the past to hold on to pain and the what ifs in our lives. Pray over this issue and embrace your parent wholly. There is a level of peace you will acquire that most cannot explain but only feel. Where you can assist do wholly without expecting anything back and finally be thankful that you have made it through to where you are whatever the circumstances because it is God who has provided and set it so. Remember on this earth baraka zake ziko miguuni mwa wazazi wetu however imperfect or unaffectionate they were/are…
Enjoy ur weekend.
achana na mzae. labda alipewa dry spell miaka kadhaa akaamua mbaya mbaya. msaidie kiasi aliwasaidia tu. mahali hakukusaidia usimsaidie.
Your help should be commensurate with the one he gave you not a dollar more…we had this discussion some time back wacha nitafute link
Forgive and forget… mambo ya baba na mama saa ingine inakua ngumu sana and you will realize this when you marry… Maybe hata ni mamako alidrive your dad into marrying another wife
I don’t buy this bulshit for a minute. Men are known to squander their primetime years in the city with young twilight girls eating nice and making merry while neglecting their families up country only to return in old age empty handed and sometimes diseases in tow expecting to be welcomed with open hands ! Nigga please I have seen these enough times forgiveness ni yeye na demons zake !
Been married for over a decade.
Unfortunately I am not religious.
I like your angle.
Dryspell naelewa as a man. Sina shida na polygamy at all. I come from Western Kenya where 1 in every 3 men is polygamous, especially those above 60 but Ku neglect watoto wako is my point.
I used to think that Karma was not real until recently when it hit me hard, and I mean really hard. Karma comes full circle and it will bite on the ass soon. The man may not be perfect but your parents ( especially the biological ones ) wield a lot of power over your destiny. If that man decided not to ejaculate that day haungekuwa hai, that alone is enough reason. Who knows the man may decide to bless u in his last breathe uone milango ikifunguka. Personally i have never met any successful person who has a strained r/ship with his parents. Never.
Tafuta kitu kinaitwa Ho’oponopono kwa hii internet and start practicing what you’ll find. You’ll heal.
Closer home, it is easy to blame a parent who wasn’t there especially if you grew up being told sasa mnaona baba yenu hajawafanyia hiki au kile. If there was a strained relationship between your parents you will never know why. understand that and that your father provided some of your needs; some people are completely abandoned you know.
your dad is you dad help him, i discourage hand outs, is there any other avenue or job he can do while at home there that can generate income, so they get sorted on their own
Try to forgive him for your sake because carrying bitterness around is detrimental to your well being. However, you have no obligation towards his second family. Pea mzee wako just enough quid for his food and basic necessities. Sio lazima umsaidie ku revive his failed business ventures. Just do the bare minimum to avoid parental curses the rest ajipange. This experience should teach you first hand the ills of polygamy.
What you are saying doesn’t make sense.
at this moment there is no lesson mzee is being taught yawa, that time expired
Rubeni listen and listen good from my experience;
My mum and dad met while in high school in eldoret. He was kale she was luhya. Mum concieved me and she had to drop out in form 3. She travelled to western and had me. From tales am told my aunt took me as a toddler to his place and they weren’t exactly the welcoming type. I was raised by maternal grandmother and uncles. Mom passed on in 2002 when I had joined high school. She never really talked about him much and my enquries about him would not sit well with ma. I completed high school in 05 joined college and got my first job in 07. This all was courtesy of another family that had taken me in and grandma. In 2007 I finally met the guy in downtown nai. I explained to him that I wasn’t interested in what transpired between him and ma. I was giving him a clean slate on which he could establish a relationship with me. He asked me why I didn’t go to university I told him I missed the jab requirement by a point I couldn’t afford direct entry and had to get a job to ease pressure on those who had seen me this far. The nigga in a typical kale fashion bragged how he is friends with moi chancellor prof mibei at the time and he would get me in no time, remember it’s during the heated 2007 elections campaign. He told me he was married and with three kids and was looking forward to me meeting them and that my grandma her ma had left me some land in soi. After the election the cat and mouse games began. Appointments we’re not honored and phone calls ignored , remember am a young man really in search of identity and sense of belonging. Finally one morning in 08 I composed a long ass sms telling him off and explained to him where I had come from was more tough than where I was going he might as well jump off a cliff. I got a better opportunity that year and soon might head to Europe or somewhere else. I got two kids and as much as I don’t stand their mom I love them to the end of the Earth and back. Am in their lives and want to improve their position by exploiting other better opportunities so they can live better than I did. I will never go back to that purportedly father. I moved on accepted my fate and live with it. So mtu asiku guilt trip into something you just can’t stand. By all means help him but draw the line in sand !