Waking up in unfamiliar places

#1
three things in life make men go through a lot of shit, na hyo ni pombe, pesa na pu**y. my love for these three is unequaled. kwa watu wanapenda pombe i can bet there are times you wake up from a night of drinking, unajipata place, ata haujui uko wapi, na kama unajua uko wapi kuna vile haukumbuki ulifika aje hii place. take this one time in campus nilitoka kwa club at a time i cant remember, then the next thing naamshwa na makanga nilipe gari kable tutoke stage, apparently niliingia matatu za kuenda western nikalala wakafikiria mimi ni passenger nangoja gari ijae. fare ni mia saba, na kwa mfuko niko na pesa haiwezi fika mia, plus i know no one in western, na ni saa kumi na mbili asubuhi.

sasa there is this one time i woke up in an unfamiliar place and i almost got a heart attack. i had travelled to some new town, biashara kiasi, halafu bahati nzuri i had a friend from campus who used to live kwa hyo town. so i talk to the guy, tell him am in town for some small business, na we can catch up for some drinks later since it was on a friday. the guy tells me nisijisumbue kulipa room, i can crash at his place, then we hit the club na pesa nilikuwa nilipie room. after mashughuli, nikashika mzinga ya gilbeys, got directions and then dropped at this guys place. kukula early supper tukaanze kuteremsha hyo mzinga, by 9 ile mzinga ime run out, na sisi bado tuko sober tunashidwa form ni gani. the guys decides to return hand, akatuma msee wa boda mzinga ingine ya gilbeys. by 12 am pombe sasa imepanda, story tu niku reminisce the many girls tulikuwa tumekula in campus,

siko sure kama mzinga iliisha, but the guy suggests that we hit the club now, halafu pia i concur, juu already tulikuwa maji ile mbaya, so pia bill ingekuwa less. sasa mimi ni ule msee huwa siskii pombe kama inanilewesha until its too late na nimekunywa too much, kufika club tukadecide tutumie brown bottles atleast alcohol percentage iko chini. kwa hyo club kitu nakumbuka ni only drinking guiness nne ama tano na kununulia dame fulani drinks, with plans za kumchipo. after hapo nikama niliingia auto pilot, hadi time niliamka kesho asubuhi.

sasa time ya kuamka ndio noma ilianza. i woke up kitu 5 am still slightly drunk. kuamka hivi na kufungua macho napatana na kisogo fulani, iko na nywele fupi zimesokotana kiasi, and i am almost sure that this is my friends head. nikaturn haraka i face the other side, juu ni common knowledge if two guys should sleep on the same bed, then ni lazima their backs face each other, deviation from this means your g**. after ku turn is when i almost get a heart attack, on the floor hapo kando ya bed i see my boxer and my trousers. wallai i felt some tears begin to collect in my eyes, sasa roho inapiga mbiombio, and my mind is on overdrive wondering what the hell is going on. halafu more confirmation am in my friends house, ni the fact that i can also see my bag in some corner place niliacha usiku before we went out.

then i hear the person besides me turn, and i can tell ako awake. i hear a hand on my back and i close my eyes and clench my teeth, fighting away the urge to kill somebody. "hi, babe umeamka" ndio kitu niliskia next and i almost jumped with joy juu hyo sauti nayo ilikuwa ya geus, i turn around mbio and the first thing i ask ni mbona hauna nywele. a close look at the girl, ika jolt my memory back, nikakumbuka ni dame nilikuwa na buyia drinks jana kwa klabu. i ask her why i dont have my clothes on, akanishow tulifika nikajichocha nitafikisha threshold but nikalala ata before tumalize kumake out. i tell the girl wasiwasi alikuwa amenipatia, and she cant stop laughing, that when she leaves the bed, akaingia kwa closet and showed me hizi kofia za nywele wanawake huvaa. akaanza kunipea shitty stories vile alinyoa ku signify a new stage in her life, but she still loves how she looks with her hair on, and thats why she wears wigs. acha tuseme after hangover kuisha threshold ilifikishwa, na nikajipromise kupunguza intake yangu ya pombe.
 

Nyadist

Village Elder
#11
Kuna time nilikuwa nimelewa ile ya upuzi nikiwa colle, tukafika k1.. Squad imeaingia mimi bado natafuta place ya kuwasha ka imbidho kabla niingie.. After kublaze mimi huyo nimefika entrace na hisi blackout inakuja.. Sijui nini ilifanyika hapo entrance lakini hao mabouncer watiaji walinirusha kwa ile gari ndogo ya k1 wakanipeleka parklands police station.. Nilikuwa na drift on and off kwa blackout.. Asubui nika amka ndani ya cell..kutoka hio siku niliwacha kuchanganya ombidho na vodka..
 
#20
Nililewa siku moja na demi flani we had an on and off relatioship, saa sita tukaamua kulala kwake pale NYS. Little did we know that her real boyfriend had travelled from Kakamega and was in the house sleeping. Mimi na maulevi nilitangulia kuingia bedroom naona kimwanaume na boxers kwa kitanda. U-turn na kuslide out of that house dem amalise hiyo noma peke yake. Kufika stage ya NYS hakuna magari ya Mwiki. No. 44 ikatokea nikasema niingie nitajisort nikifika Roysambu. Jama walinipora, wakapiga U- turn pale Survey kurudi tao na wakaniacha stage ya NYS the other side, sina busfare sina simu. Nilikaa na wanafunzi wa NYS hapo gate one hour nikasema kama mbaya mbaya?

Called the lady and told her what had happened, nikaenda nikalala kwa sofa till morning, sema mwanaume kukunja mukia?
 

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