Wanaume Hupitia Mengi (Long Read)

There’s this time I was dating this girl I thought I was Let’s call her ‘Miss’ (name preserved to sooth my ego) We had met somewhere at a house party and we fell in love on sight. For the time we were together, it was epic and we knew we were going to get married. and start a family. and raise our kids together. and be the lovers that everyone talked about. and age together. and hopefully die toothless together. *again I speak for myself

There’s this day my roommate sent me to exile at 9pm. It was on a Friday and I had no plans, in fact I was the latest version of broke at the time. We had a rule that every night exile had to be accompanied by some ksh 200 and there I was with an extra 40 bob. I called ‘Miss’ my angel and informed her that I was headed to her place for a sleep over and I was bringing some booze. I passed by some rooms in the hostel where I lived and hustled enough to buy a soda and kamzinga ya kibao.

I got to her place and found her dressed up like she was going out but she hadn’t mentioned it. So I assumed that she wanted to look good for me. I never really understood why she liked me though, maybe it was the little things I did and God was rewarding me. You know those little things like giving money to the homeless -that 3 bob that remains after withdrawing every cent from mpesa or because I was born on Christmas and God somehow favoured me.

I kissed Miss and before I even engaged my buttocks to ‘our’ seats and changed to some shorts I kept there to allow easy movement of shuma and free myself from the borrowed jeans that was in protest with my already slim body, she announced that we were going out. I tried to send signals that my financial situation could not allow us to go out but she insisted that we were and that she would take care of things. I thanked God for sending Miss my way, I wouldn’t have asked for more.

Some minutes past 11, a cab picked us up and we headed to Westie with only 50bob in my pockets buto I was not afraid for I was not alone. Got to changes and at first the bouncers did not like me and I had to talk myself in for about 15 minutes. Once inside I resulted to a hunt that led me to where she was with some 3 guys and another 2 chics. I bet they were waiting for one more chic for us to be all couples that’s why they hadn’t ordered any drinks yet. I looked at the guys, one by one, from head to toe and I felt naked. Guys looked like they were straight from the TV. I felt out of place but I had my girl. she wanted me to be there.

This was one of those moments where love literally takes you to places. We talked for some minutes then my girl sent me to her some airtime from the counter and she gave me some 100 bob. Like a little boy, I obliged and took me some minutes to get past the crowd of people and I came back with the airtime to find an empty table. I tried waving my hands with a smile so that they could spot me but it seemed everyone was now dancing. I looked everywhere for them, from table to table and even asked around but no one seemed to have seen my Miss or her friends. Her phone was off but I understood since we were out together.

After I was sure that I had somehow lost them and all faces now looked familiar from the countless rounds I made, I went out. I had 55 bob and a 100 airtime card ya YU. the gods must have been angry with me on that day since I couldn’t go back to my place, I couldn’t find my ‘wife’ and no money to even buy me something to pass the night. I decided to go back to her place which was in the opposite direction from my hostel since I knew where we had hid the keys to her house. I walked for about an hour since I couldn’t get a cab and there were no mats at that time of the night. I repented every sin I had to my name, prayed for everyone I owed money and all my Ex girlfriends mentioning each by name

Got to her apartment and pleaded with the caretaker to let me in since I assumed he was my friend because I always smiled when I passed him. It took some time then he allowed me on condition that he was to make sure that I had the key and I couldn’t leave before she came back. He accompanied me to her door where I searched for the key which we had hid a few hours ago but it wasn’t there. I even asked him to help me break ‘our’ door but he instead kicked me out. He seemed to know more about our house that’s why he didn’t hesitate to kick me out. “Hapa lazima tuhame kesho” I threatened. “si kwako ata” I cursed and insulted as I left. Back into the darkness again, tired and fed up. Miss’s phone was still off so I decided to go back to my hostel room. At least there I had a bed and friends who would laugh but understand.

Another hour of walking and I was back in Westie, it was almost morning now and I decided to check one last time before I headed home. just in case I had missed them, or people had gone home and it would be easier to locate them. I did two rounds and checked every table and counter. No sight of them. It now dawned on me that nimecheswo! How and why I couldn’t understand. My walk back to the hostel was a silent one, I had exhausted all prayers. I reflected on our life with Miss and what I may have done wrong but all answers seemed to be with her. I bought some mandazi from some woman who had opened early selling to some honda guys. Pleaded with a few honda guys to take the 100 bob airtime and the 20 bob that remained after I had had enough mandazi but they all refused. I couldn’t even afford a honda, tired and angry.

By the time I got to my room, it was already morning. I could see people going to hustle and some like myself headed back home after a long night, partying. Found my roommate and his girl leaving and I thanked God and said a short prayer. They asked me to fikisha them stage and I refused since I was even limping. Told them that ‘nimeumia kwa taxi tulikuwa tumefinyana sana’ and off they left.

Alone in the house, I said the Lords prayer 5 times, 10 Hail Mary’s and recited a few beatitudes and promised myself that no situation was permanent. All this would come to pass, and in His right time God would deliver ‘Miss’ in my arms either to take to the alter or to offer her as a burnt sacrifice for my revenge. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t, the room was too hot, I even showered twice in one hour.
At around 9am her phone went through, I was confused on how to react. I felt guilty for not finding her. Maybe she thought I had ran away with her 100 bob. She picked and asked “unataka?” then she clicked and hung up. I remembered the unopened kibao and soda I took to her place and shed a tear and headed back to the bathroom for another shower.:(:(:(:(:frowning:

I have also shed a tear…from too much laughter. God must have gotten tired of you kesha prayers. What happened to Miss?

That mbish… .hekaya on point

:D:D:D:D:D:Dnapenda sana!

:D:D:D:D DUMBASS

Alienda tu ivo akiendaga

Pole davidee 2.0

Nice hekaya.
Man I feel for you. I have gone through similar experience but yako ni mbaya x 10.
Kuna mtu hapa lost 600K at least wewe umetoka na airtime. Enyewe mwanaume ni kuvumilia.

@karl marx Kuja usome hii

Hekaya on point VE. I only mourn the lost kibao

Wooooiii. Iza.
As for me hua i dont date when i’m broke,to avoid machungu kama haya. And when i’m well off i make sure i’m dating someone humble just a incase financial crisis hits in,she’ll understand its just temporary. I’m usually the one walking away coz mimi huboeka haraka.

Kwanza huyo wa 600 ni jinga in chief. Eti someone you have known for a month only.

woooi pole sana …sasa kwa barabara ulikua unaomba ile ngoma ya “baaaabaaa naomba nitembee nawe milelee”

:D:D:D

Poor @Nostradumbass!  :D:D
As my Father would say, “ivio ndivo unakua mwanamme!” haha hauko pekeako. After campus it should be the other way round… Tomba tuRachet sasawa kama unatema

Hehehehe… Wooiii alitoka mpaka Na kibao… :D:D:D:D… Ningekuwa wewe hio kibao ningechapa flash before nitoke hio nyumba, juu ata club ulikunywa YU ya Mia pekee:D:D:D:D hapo hukushinda Dame… Ulishinda NJAA!!!

Waaa… Hekaya on point…

:D:D I thought you were an atheist? Ama ukitokwa maombi husaidia kupunguza machungu?

Ever seen her again? How is she doing?

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:Do_O

:D:D:D:eek: