I remember this day like yesterday. We were attending a funeral of a work mate(Ken) who had lost his dad.
It was me and 2 of my workmates. One named Abdalla and the other named Ochieng.
After the funeral, Ken akasema we can sleep at his village mabati house badala ya kurudi Nairobi.
That evening he chinjad for us kuku . We ate with ile ugali ya brown plus mrenda. During supper ile story story tuu then Ken tells us ati for the past few nights amekuwa akisumbuliwa na a night runner who normally tokelezeas kitu 2.00am. He rushas stones kwa roof ya mabati as he runs around the house making funny noises.
Abdalla said si tumwinde. We set up a plan. 1am kufika hivi..Abdalla akapanda juu ya roof as the rest of us tukajificha in strategic positions around the compound.
Abdalla akaflash torch..that was a signal that the mnight runner had arrived and we should karadar. .mnight runner started running around the house making monkey noises akiwa ndethe manze. Abdalla jumped on him from the roof but aka miss.. Mnight runner anaanza kuhepa. Ochieng tried to grab him but mchawi aka duck. He was now running towards my direction. I gave him a career ending sliding tackle akaanguka hapo chini.
Ken and the others apprehended him. He was naked alafu amejipakapaka marangi kwa uso.
Ken told us as per Luhya customs..we will tie the mchawi on a tree akae hapo hadi asubuhi so that aonekane na other villagers ajulikane na pia apigwe fine. So we tied him on a mango tree. Ile his face is facing tree .
Tukarudi kulala...kidogo kidogo Abdalla says ati anaenda msalani which was outside (si mnajua choo za ocha huwa nje)
Sisi tukaemdelea kulala. Kidogo kidogo tunaksia manduru huko nje. Was Abdalla bn attacked? We all went out to find out what was happening.
Wueh , it was the night runner screaming. Abdalla was busy chunisharing sukuma manze. We were all shocked banaa. Ken said hi ni laana so we had to ask Abdalla to stop..he did tukarudi kejani but no one wanted to sleep bcoz of Abdalla. We were all now scared of him even more than the mchawi.
FFWD. Morning came. Villagers had surrounded the tree and viewing the night runner while talking in low tones. Ati kumbe huyu night runner ni wakutoka familia ya akina Wesonga. Village elders anakuja and said punishment ni 2 goats and 5 chicken from the Wesongas. Plus mchawiste apewe 5 lashes of the cane. He was given the 5 lashes and released. He started running juu bado ako ndethe. Kidogo kidogo we see Abdalla giving chase. We call out Abdalla awache ujinga but he ignored us.
Mchawi looked behind and saw Abdalla coming. He increased speed..Abdalla also increased speed.
Mchawiste ran into a maize plantation hapo...wrong move mchawiste wrong move. We also started giving chase tukiwa with other villagers.
Abdalla had caught up with the Mnight runner apo katikati ya maize plantation..he had pinned him on the ground and was chunisharing sukuma round 2 banaa.
Mchawi anawika and Abdalla yuko tamu sana tamu kama nyama ya bata. We pulled him out. Mchawi aliamuka kama ameenda kwenda.
Back in work, we never looked at Abdalla the same again. Meanwhile we later learned the mchawiste aliokoka and became a pastor pale Ocha.
I dont care if Panyaste is gay or shit, I know he writes for entertainment and he's doing hella good job at that, f**k I even love the phrase chunisha skuma. Panyaste wewe mzito and keep doing that though matimes uko na ujinga kwa akili.