As you guys have been seeing, I have complained and complained about ktalk having issues with videos so when I got a inbox from @Deorro to have a look at my phone due to “bugs” that could be on my browser. Knowing how Nairobi works and how talkers have ended up in dire situations, I contacted another admin who vouched for the guy and so my Saturday morning I was occupied. Better than sitting home waiting for the evening, plus I could pick the guys brain on statistical analysis topic and interests in horology. The guy flashed me around 10am and I called and said we could meet around prestige plaza since its just around number 8 and he said he would be coming from sides of karen, he said I won’t miss the Cayenne, he will flash me when he’s close. Around 10am, I get a phone call, I’m usually a stickler for time and good thing this guy was on time. I spotted the Cayenne and waylaid him and hopped in. A lady was driving the vehicle with another guy in front and @Deorro was seated in the back seat. Not wanting to pry, I kept mum after intros and they dropped us off around Upper hill where he was going to see another client who I learned later was @shoti_mzito.
Knowing I was curious about the vehicle situation, he rushed to explain that his sisters Mercedes was at the mechanic and he had lent her the vehicle for the day as he just had a few errands to run within CBD.
We got to the building at Upper and went to the 5th floor at a certain swanky new building with a very designed lobby and expensive furnishing. The receptionist showed us the way to a burly man’s office. Guy weighs like 120kgs and probably around 5’ 6"…(explains a lot). De took his laptop and did his thing as I waited. It didn’t take too long he then took my phone, plugged it in to his laptop and run a few tests and showed me what the problem was. it was all a bunch of mambbo jamboo to me, so i would have had to try out when I got home. Tell you the truth the bloody video links still ain’t working. They asked me to wait at the reception as deorro looked into a few more computers at the office. No sooner had i sat down, than I heard the lady behind the desk curse that the server was down…only for the technician to show up and ask if everything was working okay…the lady just smirked. To be honest I was there for a while and a few other technicians had to be called in, I recon it was either @Electronics4u or @snapdragon. Systems were then up and running and the techs left in a huff. By the time De came back it was almost lunch time and I suggested that I needed to grab something to eat but Mzito said he had a buddy who had just landed from Majuu after a long time and he was meeting him for lunch downtown. Who says no to a free lunch…Kufika downstairs lo and behold, the infamous VAnguard pulled up and we were off to tao. Being a lawyer I reconned the guy doesn’t like dealing with Nairobi criminals…the car was filled with rivets I tell you.
Downtown, we on Kimathi street then our mans hooks a right onto Moi Av. He gets parking right outside Sanford Fish and Chips. From the car I could see a guy inside dressed like a picture of the rapper Killa Cam in the 2000s…[ATTACH=full]201090[/ATTACH] and i couldn’t help but laugh kindanindani…
Then it hit me we were going to have lunch at this establishment. I hadn’t been here in ages, but as I said, I don’t say no to free lunch. Everyone intoduced themselves and the mzito said we could order anything as lunch was on him. The guy was none other than @Swansea straight from Arkansas, Massachussets or Connecticut or some other place like that I always find hard to pronounce. I Got to hand it to the guy, I could tell his accent was legit. Other patrons could definitely tell this guy must have come from outside countries no doubt…also probably because he was a bit too loud and obnoxious.
I excused myself to go to the washroom and I must have entered the wrong door as I bumped into a guy holding a jerrican of Peptang and whirling it similar to how I see guys when I go to soup joints. In my head I wondered why does he have to mix ketchup, isn’t ready to use straight from the manufacturer…probably a thing about buying in bulk. He directed me loudly…“Kijana choo ni huko, kwani huoni huku ni kazi tunafanya” he retorted…
sure the video problem is real…i have been reduced to reading comments to try n figure out what the video is all about @idi admin amekataa kusaidia kabisa
Since the food was free, I decided to indulge in 1/4 chicken and bhajia…I decided to ignore the tomato sauce on account of what I had seen in the back office. a pinch of salt, hands were clean. Mans from Arkansas decided to ask for a fork which landed on deaf ears. he opted for a toothpick as he complained about how Nairobi has not changed since he left with some mumblings about Kidero and Miguna that I didn’t put together as I was locked with the mass of people outside. See, I rarely come this sides of town, unless I really have to. Advantages of working from location not within the CBD. People watching is interesting, you can try and describe the people as they walk by by looking at their shoes. There’s a song…Uliza Kiatu, I can hear it in the background and I swear there is some truth to it.
Lots of people walk by, some with high heels they are struggling to keep a stable gait in, then since it’s the weekend, there are those wearing their best sneakers, clean and fresh from exhibition, then there are the ones who wear sandals since it’s saturday. Now sandals are very revealing, probably because they expose the feet and toes. You can tell feet that wore shoes first time right after independence…I held this thought briefly when a old, beat up BMW e30 pulls right beside the Vanguard. You can tell that in its prime, this vehicle was a beast and the owner has probably had it since relatively new. He clings on to it, probably the same way he clings on to his dear life. He still refers to it to the unassuming crowd as my BMW…probably with an air, most unoblivious of the fact that the BMW is a shell of what it used to be, a symbol of his previous potency, now but a rumor. The shoes, the feet and you can add the car to the list of things that speak volumes about the owner.
Quite interestingly, my thoughts were confirmed as the old man struggled and straddled out of the vehicle. His snapback cap weathered by numerous Saturdays falls as he’s getting out of the car revealing a gruesome scar on his head. He’s wearing grandfather sandals and walking with a gout filled walking style. He gets to the counter and asks for the “kawaida”, the tomato sauce guy I’d bumped into earlier walks behind the counter and spots the old muzee and shouts in vernacular…“Ah!! Guka, uga! Utanakua?”…only for the old man to respond in numerous expletives as he walks back to his vehicle…bag of chips kavu, with no tomato sauce, seems I’m not the only one who noticed the swamp ketchup.
Considering the crowd of friend I was with, I decided to keep politics out of my mouth. All I kept saying was, i hope that harambee stars kick those nywele soft in the nuts for what it’s worth. Especially since all naysayers in Kenya compare us to those who live in an autocracy. Deorro the tech guy, had not talked for quite some time, he had ordered a double serving of chips and half chicken. He said he was expecting a coworker so he was preordering. From the count of bones on his “sahani ya sanford”, I could tell most of the chicken was gone, the fries…gone. Guy from Arkansas was not comfortable and kept on suggesting that we should have linked up elsewhere, probably the Stanley where he said he was putting up for the night before he caught a flight to the lakeside the next morning.
Shoti was in no rush, he had no plans to go home that day since his sideDish was hosting a babyshower at their home in Lavi. He had just ordered a soda for himself.
I was winding up and trying to figure out my plans for the afternoon on my phone when a guy in white overalls walked in with a load on a wheelbarrow. He headed straight to the back with his merchandise and came out and sat by the counter as he talked to the lady cashier. I’d heard the cashier call him “Thuraku”(antman) to which he responded giggling. Thuraku asked her, “wina muthuri we todu uhana kihiki understanding?” (are you married, because you look like kihiki understanding). “Dagoretti gutire atumia ega, kuumite ma!!” (Dago women are mostly Mungiki, they are not nice and dry spell is killing me)
So will the famously pre-meditated bloody clash between wakanyama and jay baby boy (tomato sauce shaker) finally take place? find out in our next episode…
Tomato sauce guy walked in again to front office and saw Thuraku. “Eh Thuraku!, no kumera, kumera!” and Thuraku responded “no Kumera!”. This caught the attention of our visitor from outside countries and he said something in the lines of “These people…they think they own Kenya”. Thuraku realized the remark was directed at him. He walked towards the guy and asked him, “Kijana unasema ati ki?”. Swansea got up and shoved him, his impecable English words flying past Thuraku…I realized that this was getting out of hand and as I was just about to pull my friend from US away, Thuraku grabbed a wet mop from the corner and hit the guy smack right in his face. The fight was getting out of hand, I could see shoti was already in his vehicle and deorro was packing up his fries and chicken and bolting towards the door. Here I am struggling with two grown men trying to stop the fight. Swansea pulls a few punches and brown tooth, probably loose from years of flourosis, comes flying out. Tomato sauce guy comes from the back to help and grabs Thuraku. As he’s being pulled back, Thuraku grabs a stool and throws it in our direction. Luckily it misses both of us. Swanseas stripes of the american flag are now filled with stripes of blood…his white sneakers muddy from the boots of man from Dagoretti. I realize there is only one way to get this relentless guy away from here and I whisper in his ear and say the guy is Mungiki and he might bring his gang if we stick around. He then realizes that he might have put himself in a bit of a bind so he rushes out and i follow close behind.
I apologize on behalf of our countrymen, as he keeps on mentioning how WE are uncouth and uncivilized. These things wouldn’t happen in the US. “How can he? I could have that place shut down by tomorrow. He’s lucky I can’t follow it up as I have a flight to catch tomorrow on more urgent matters”…I keep on reminding him that Mungiki are known to chop off heads, “Didn’t you see it in CNN?” I asked. By this time, we had got to the Stanley and no one was on our tail. I was now slowing down knowing that the guy was at least at his hotel. I walked him to the hotel lobby and walked back to the street and realized I hadn’t had tea for hours. So I walked back into the Stanley and ordered a cup of tea. As I waited, I see Swansea walk out the way we came in and disappeared into the crowd. What en eventful day it was.
Getting in a matatu back to number8, I unfortunately run into Thuraku. He recognized me right away and I realized I had to apologize on behalf of my friend. I even tried to stammer the little kikuyu I knew for him to realize, tuko pamoja na ushuru. He calm down and explained that the guy at Sanford had refused to pay him for all the chaos he had caused and today being a Saturday, he didn’t have much to show for the weekend. I realized what he was onto and a pulled out the last note that I had, told the conductor, “ya wawili” and got off at my stage and walked the rest of the way coz I told the conductor to give Thuraku the rest of change since he probably needed it more than I did.
On getting home, I tried calling Deorro to see if he was okay…MTEJA wa nambari…I gave up. After a couple of hours, I was now relaxed and logged onto ktalk, happy that at least one thing went well for the day. I will be able to watch videos, with the bug fix fundi Deorro had done. First link I click…nothing, second click…nothing…third click…nothing. That’s when it dawned on me that I had wasted my whole friggin saturday and I’m left to read comments on threads that have videos uploaded. BUGGR!!!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D mimi niokotwe huku baridini. I have a few questions but naa not gonna ask i.e who was the MoD you called? you should have gone on and brought in more characters.
I ‘see’ a lot in your post lakini morning made. Good thread. Actually good read.