Link to the thread (Msisumbue Chief Archivist): https://www.kenyatalk.com/index.php?threads/lessons-learnt-through-marrying-young.62395/
I will tell you something; the best wisdom comes in unlabeled packages. The points expressed by the gentleman in the above post are a fine-distill of the experiences of many unlucky souls from the past, in the present, and into the future. Now let us delve into some form of analysis of the expressed ideas starting with the first one.
If your partner has habits that pull you down, it is highly unlikely that they will ever change. Look at it this way, before you met them, they were shaped by parents, the society, teachers, friends, and religion. If all these parties could not modify the offending behaviors, your chances of success are extremely thin, thinner kuliko miguu za madame wa Kiambu. It is wise not to subject your soul to torture attempting the unattainable, just walk away in peace. If you choose this path, make sure you depart on friendly terms, especially if you had kids. This approach may sound counter-intuitive but there is tons of wisdom behind it. The last thing you want to experience is a war with a “17-year-old”. When you engage in supremacy contests with such types, you can be assured that there will be several victims, and you will be one of them. By departing in a friendly demeanor, you end up preventing several victims, including the child/ren. In addition, it is not fair to castigate people for who they are because they did not choose to be that way. That partner who is stuck at “17-years” did not choose it. It just happened. You can still show empathy without necessarily paying the cost of their condition.
For those who think being vigilant during the dating phase can prevent unpleasant surprises in the future, I am afraid you could be wrong. You see, humans are adaptive animals. They have the capacity to learn and sway circumstances to suit their interests. After several bouts of unsuccessful dating, people learn to hide those attributes that may have led to the failure of previous relationships. These attributes can remain contained long enough for the relationship to progress to marriage. In my long life, I have seen extremely thick girls wearing glasses to appear smart. And guess who falls for this simple trick; the smartest native in town.
I have also fallen victim to some of these tricks at some point. For example, there is this lady I would tussle with over the newspaper every morning, the same way colleagues compete for the newspaper at the workplace. The same thing happens one Sunday morning but this time I am not ready to part with the paper. After a long struggle she finally tells me, “okay, give me the kids sections.” I gladly gave out the section but this left me with many questions. For instance, why would she fight so hard for this section.
My discoveries later on were nothing less than shocking. For example, I came to find out that she would never bother to read the paper if I simply dropped it on the table and left it there. The lady could not hold the paper for a full 3 minutes. In other words, all this drama was supposed to create the perception that she was an avid newspaper reader hence smart. I had always wondered why she would at times ask extremely dumb questions, the kind that leave you embarrassed. You see, if you read the newspaper everyday, then I would expect you to know the leaders of the major political parties, something she did not. I did not mention the many times she would interrupt my documentaries so that she could “watch” news. Surprisingly, I noted that she would only be interested in news when I was around and not any other time.
In her past experiences, she had probably noted that the females who had displaced her from relationships were reading newspapers and watched news, meaning they were smart. She therefore adapted and learned to feign desirable habits, those that could fool anyone. The meaning here is that you can never guard against such actors, sometimes you just have to accept fate and flow with it the best way you can.
Nimechoka ku-type. I am an old dogs.