Women need to learn to love themselves the way men love themselves

You would think that this is common sense but to most women it’s not thanks to societal brainwashing with the fairytale stories since childhood about prince charming and beauty and the beast and frogs turning into princes after kisses.

Having a man in your life as a woman is alot of work. ALOT. If you are not getting what you want out of the relationship, you need to stop putting in so much work or just get rid of the liability altogether. The man isn’t doing you any favors. You are putting in ALOT of work, way more than him, so there should be irreducible minimums you get out of that relationship otherwise if you are the only one who is giving, you have a pet, not a man. What you have is a ceremonial husband or boyfriend. Majority of women are in these types of relationshits where it’s always them giving and getting very little in return. Relationships are a two way street, give and take. If he gives less. You also give less. You are not running a red cross operation. You also need to benefit from the relationship.

A man isn’t doing you any favors by being with you, same way your employer isn’t doing you any favors hiring you. They didn’t hire you because they felt sorry that you had no job in this economy. They hired you because you have something that will benefit the company, so they have to pay you for the work you do for them. I don’t know any employer who doesn’t pay their employees then tells them, do you know how scarce jobs are? So you should be grateful that I gave you this job and so I won’t pay you a salary. Lack of jobs notwithstanding nobody will stay at any job where they are not being paid. Even if they don’t have options. Just to tell people oh but you know I have a job but you go to work every day, spend time and energy, incur costs on the commute then get nothing out of it. People would be like this is a nutcase. Yet this is the life of so many women. You are married you are paying rent, fees, all the bills in the house, your husband takes his money to a real woman who knows her worth aka MWK. Like am tired of these stories of exploited women. Why are women so desperate to be in relationshits that add no value to their lives? Can’t they do bad all by themselves? Women give men too much power. It needs to stop. If he’s not bringing anything to the table, you are not his mom, if you want a dependent you can adopt a child or but a pet. It’d be less work. Have you ever seen a man stay in a relationship where he’s cheated on, beaten, abused and the woman won’t do a darn thing for him? I have never. No matter how much they’re in love they won’t put up with being disrespected, used and abused. A man will never marry a woman beneath his class. I have never seen any, yet women marry jobless men, men who can’t provide, abusive men from lower class families with lots of dependents, men with kids. A man won’t marry a single mother even if he himself is a baby daddy. That’s how much men love themselves, they won’t even marry a woman who is like them they want to upgrade and if it’s not possible they don’t saddle themselves with a woman who is a burden, they leave it alone, unless and until they can get what they want in a woman. Why is it always women making all the compromise. Why don’t we hear how a wealthy 20 year old son of a billionaire falls in love with a broke 55 year old woman with 5 kids from different men? Who will say that’s love? Nobody.Everyone will think he’s bewitched and insane. Nobody will be like fawning all over social media, like look how happy he looked. Yet Tecra and Ali Lali or whatever his name was what true love looks like. Can you see how brainwashed women are to accept any garbage in the name of true love and happiness.

End of rant.

Mambo ya watu wawili ngumu huezi ingilia. Take a look at Macron, France president. Dude met his Mrs way back when he was 15 as his teacher. Sina figures za his pocket muscle but he must be well off considering how France handles out West African countries to ground.

I have learned something v disturbing during this lockdown. A lot of our women do not know that their men are supposed to be at home and so were confused about their presence in the house. Both hia and in Kenya. I heard so many different versions but bottom line message was the same…these men are never at home and if they are, they are online or watching something and not really engaging with the family unit. Wale wanawake wamekaliwa could not even talk to us on the phone…ooooobaba Ian e guku reke njarie nake will call you back and you can pick up kawoga kubwa sana in her voice. Kwani ni Karuri Police Station yawa?
Mtu anakuingiza baridi, you can even get HBP…anyway don’t comments on KT teach us vile hawa wanaume treat their wives…like torn rugs…

The other lot we need to keep ahead of are the divorcee dads who are full of entitlement. As you rightfully pointed, they want you to fit it with their kids…I dated a few in my singleton days…some cool dudes. Lakini saa zile atapigiwa simu na baby mama that Jahim is not feeling well, please rest assured your date is cancelled ASAP. If the kids don’t take to you wewe nje nje nje…na hauna watoto wako. Men are selfish by nature hata si kupenda kwao especially the African man. It is ingrained in their DNA.

The onus is on us the women to refuse to be treated like trash. The only we can achieve this is by kusoma sana na kupata your own cash. That way a man knows hata mkiwachana you won’t struggle and he will respect you kiasi.
Else I repeat again marriage is good with the right person. This person is not your blood rela but you get to create children and share much more than that.

How many times have I heard this from my married friends? Ati I had to cancel everything at a moment’s notice because I was told if I go to a, b, c, d or don’t go to a, b, c, d nisirudi kwa hii nyumba.

Like can you imagine it’s a regular thing, a man can make cancel your important plans with no notice by threatening you ati if you go usirudi kwa hii nyumba. Some of these marriages. Ama toka uende hakuna kitu yako iko kwa hii nyumba. You have been married for 20 years. Men can be tyrants. You will find a woman older than you asking for permission to do the simplest things. You can’t even sort out an accident without first calling your husband. Ngoja nipigie Mzee. You are like what will a Mzee who is far do? Women are the ones who make men become like godzilla in the house, even the kids are scared bcz of being too submissive. You are in your house, you should feel free. You should feel at home.

A Somali friend of mine was on her 3rd trimester then her husband took advantage of the situation to tell her that she should quit her job and go to Sijui Madera to look after his family business there. After seeing her fellow Somali friends do that and then be abandoned for other women, she refused. The guy was bullying over small things like they had a family meeting in Mandera, so he told her she must go with him by road, she was like No because she had lost her previous pregnancy and did not want to take chances. The guy beat her up and told her akirudi apate ameresign job. So she came to me she was so emotional she’s like she wants to quit job aende kwa mamake Garissa. I told her to first forget about the quitting and moving until she gives birth. Of course after she gave birth, she came back to her senses and didn’t quit. I advised her to go for Masters, she did and finished, she was sponsored for a very good course and now has a very well paying job, imagine if she had folded and gone to huko boondocks ati Sijui to look after his family businesses?

Wacha nikwambie a man with small kids siwesmek. Unless the kids are grown. There’s one I knew the man had 6 kids stairs with different women. Fine he had the money for it but just imagine the role of the woman who gets married to him, dealing with 6 kids from different baby mommas. Baby momma drama, sibling rivalry. Meanwhile you only get one child with the guy but it’s you to take care of all those 6 kids plus deal with their moms. The man as usual will dump everything on you coz you are the woman, the home maker.

Kenyan men super de duper ENTITLED and when you reflect back to them what they are by emulating them they say that you are selfish, like it’s a bad thing to be selfish. Yes I am very selfish when it’s in my best self interest. Proudly so but they know the weak ones. To exploit. They pick up the vibe that you are weak, very fast and exploit it to the fullest.

Lemme tell you a funny story about date cancelation. So I had a date and the guy called me and told me his eldest bro like the dad has told him he needs to see him immediately, so since I was ready to go out I called my male cousin asked him if he’s free, he told me yep just bored in the house, so we went to watch a movie, afterwards we went to get a bite, so the guy was there with his male friend. So because I wanted to piss him off, I didn’t go to his table, we went upstairs and sat and ordered. The guy wanted to start a fight but he was held by the guy he was with. I didn’t tell him that the guy was my cuz, niliacha kwanza achemkee apoe. Then he was like why didn’t you tell me earlier and I was like si you were the one who canceled, so why get mad if I was ready to go out and found someone to go out with. Even if it was a male friend what’s wrong with that. Believe you me he never again canceled a date even if he’s got s1 in hospital . These men what they understand is when you are selfish and always put yourself and your happiness first. The moment you put them first its downhill from there. Treat them the way they treat you.

Tusome jameni tusome as far as we can push it, that is the only way forward. The world does not favour women. Let no-one lie to us. My women Directors and Deputy Directors in my line of work had to put in such hard work. They still have to prove themselves over the white men counterparts. So kujilimit and marry at 18 like my Mum did ni kurudi nyuma sana. Because the calibre of men like my late dad is no more. We have a new ball game of men who want you to treat them with soft gloves and walk on egg shells around them in your own home. Yawaaaaa…see my dad enabled Mum to go back to school as he had the money and understood the importance of her studying, he was way older than her. But what do I read here? never educate a woman that is not your daughter.

One other thing women need to learn is that if a man is paying all the bills then save your salary, well most of it. Coz you might need it years down the road. He could fall on bad times and it would be down to you to… to okolea hiyo school fees and food…

Kenyan men expect either you go 50 50 or even the woman to pay for all the bills, so that you have nothing of your own, since even properties you pay for are under his name, so basically huna mbele wala nyuma you are trapped and can’t go anywhere no matter how badly he treats you. It’s a strategy to keep the woman totally dependent even if she has money. You have never heard that women used to hand over their whole salary to men?

They did hand over cash coz it was marriage for better or for worse…my older sistas did but again this was another genre of men that they got married to and the SQs were not this vicious…the ones in my time lazima tukondoe macho kiasi…
You know a woman of today should make sure all the kids’ needs are taken care of.

I don’t think I can have this much faith in another human being.

Wahi kuwa jobless for 2 plus years - ile kuchapa utachapa you’ll know your employer is doing you a favour by hiring you.

What difference does it make if he won’t pay you? The whole point of the job is to get paid. If you go to work and you never get paid, the entire time, you wear their branded merchandise, you have the staff badge, you use your own money going there, maybe as a rookie you can say that you are learning so the benefit is the experience like internship but if not the person tarmac king is better off than you because they’re not tying themselves down to a cult de sac. You have to get something from all your relationships not just male female otherwise you are just being used as a stepping stone to the next best thing and you’ve seen people spend years, have children, invest together where the woman gives money but everything is in the man’s name after milking the woman completely they go start over with someone who has nothing to offer them, no money, no nothing. At least it’s easier on the woman’s ego if it’s an upgrade like he went to a woman with more money than you but no he takes the mbotch or someone straight out of school with no money. If you took her or him overseas soon as they’re on their feet they marry mzungu. How many such cases have you seen? It’s almost the norm.

The modern man has been despised heavily, the modern woman hasn’t because she is innocent and very good to the core. Men complain that some ladies wakiwasomesha they leave them afterwards for other men hence them not wanting to do that. About sharing expenses, current economic trends have pushed couples to share bills. Should it be 100:0, 50:50,…? That’s for them to agree themselves. Rules can’t exactly be made for marriages to appease a certain group. There’s a strong whiff of hate currently towards men. Of course some men treat women badly, but the reverse is also true. Women aren’t innocent. We live in a chaotic society where both men and women have a bad attitude towards each other and there’s a huge misunderstanding of the family structure. What values should change? Is it men or women who need to change? Do we change some roles selectively and insist that some traditional gender roles remain, selectively? Kila mwamba ngoma anaivuta kwake and I don’t see this stopping soon. The conflict isn’t really solving anything. It’s creating hate and bile.