I had a bag with me….hizi leather bags za kuvaa by one side. The contents of the bag ni some drug samples…(I work with a pharmaceutical company), chupa ya maji na my two phones (smartphone na kabambe). The guy was literally frog marching me across the road, from where he had gone to pick the radio. I had thrown it across the road due to anger and hunger. Jamaa alikuwa mzito hivi, kitambi kama mtungi ya lita mia moja hivi. Ndevu hazina mbolea …zile zinamea kama bangi za kupandwa ukambani kwenye hakuna mvua. Akanirudisha kwa duka ya fundi….still amenishikilia juu juu. ‘bro usinishike ivo tafadhali, sisi ni watu wazima tuelewane.;
‘Kwanini unatupa redio yangu kumba’……pwa! slaps me on the left cheek. That was a very huge mistake.
Iyo kofi ilifanya nikaona my late grand father akiimba choir mbinguni. (and that’s how I know he’s in heaven.) nikaona nyota kadhaa….hadi falling star. Kuona falling star nikamake wish….”I wish not to fall”
I staggered for kindu 30 second, trying to regain balance. I couldn’t imagine na ii body yangu….(I do exercise so I have an admirable body btw) kuanguka kama cockroach imegongwa na slippers kwa ukuta.
Senses came back ….’bro usifanye ivo ten…he brings another slap to the other cheek but I was aware of my surroundings now.nikaihepa. I held him by the neck and pushed him over the wall. Nafikiria nianze kuchapa na wapi cz I’m spoilt for choice with that vast body. Chapa mashavu…apana imenona sana, huenda the adepose tissue ika absorb uchungu. Chapa makende…apana mtu mnono kama huyu hata labda hana….ama kama iko its well protected na hizo nyama so ata huenda nisifikie. Then in that scuffle vitati za shati yake zikatokana, exposing his kitambi. I took that as a sign from above.
I rained blows on that tank hadi nikaskia kiu….went for my bag nikatoa maji nikasip. All this time crowd imegather si mchezo. I was expecting him to fall kama zile building za riparian land lakini wapi. He walked towards me ….but macho yake ilikuwa imeangaliana. With all the blows nimempa na still ananikujia na pia mimi nimechoka, si ataniua sasa? I thought of executing the final plan, nitoke mbio na niishi kupigana siku ingine….just before I instructed my leg jamaa akaanguka ile design ya Kane wa wrestling akishapigwa na Ray Mysterio iyo style ya kupitia katikati ya Kamba za ring…….how did we get here villagers, let me take you atop.
There’s this ka amplifier kenye huwa natumia nikisip machozi ya simba nyuma ya nyumba. You know hizi zinakaa radio ya gari. I don’t drink from bars, I’d rather enjoy the tranquility of the mind from the abode. Huwa naenda tu bar kuona game. But being a Man u fan, I’ve limited the visits due to the continuous heartbreaks I receive from the red devils. Sometimes friends join me tukiskiza Lingala. So this day hii kitu ilianza kutoa sauti zingine ni kama iko possessed. Unajua hizo sauti za speaker za msikiti watu wakiitwa kusali? Hizoo!! Nikaichapa makofi kadhaa…wapi. Nikairarua teke na ikazima kabisa. So I had no choice but kupeleka kwa fundi.
Hii ni ic imechapa hii…acha kujia kesho itakuwa poa.
Fundi lakini usikuwe kama wenzako….ata heri uniambie nikuje next month na nipate iko sawa kuliko uniambe kesho na nipate hujaunda.
Kijanangu mii najua mbona nakwambia keso. Apana waswas. Mimi nimeokoka na ii umri yangu mbona nidanganye wewe. He was a mid 50s man from the lake side region.
Pesa ngapi? Mia tano ….sawa.
Went back the following day, true to his word alikuwa ameishuglikia. Gave him 400 ….hiyo mia acha pia mimi nikule quarter bana. Tukacheka. Kufika kwa nyumba redio inalia kama ndama inaona mamake akienda slaughter house. Took it back….pole kujia kesho.
Went back next day fundi hayuko, Napata jamaa wa mkono tu. Called him. Kuja keso niko nyali na sai hakuna magari. The Matiang’i effect had taken toll on Mombasa’s transport sector so I understood.
Next day hayuko…called him again….keso kijanangu ic sikupata.
Next day…hayuko….called him nikamsho ambia tu kijana yako anipee niende nayo. Gave him the phone wakaongea. Jamaa akanipea…but pesa yangu? Iyo sina. Nipe tu 300 basi iyo mia ukule. Sina yaani ni mia tatu unanipigia simu hivo? That’s when I started boiling. Nlikuwa naplan tu nimsumbue na nimwachie but that statement changed my mind. Sawa fundi mimi nitangoja hapa hadi urudi na duka haitafungwa kama hujakuja. Then kijana wa mkono stepped in…duka nayo nitafunga, huezi nizuia, tumeona wangapi ka wewe!.. Sasa uyu ametokea wapi…
With my amplifier on the counter I took it and another ka radio that alikuwa anaunda akaacha. The boy wa mkono kuona hivyo, he grabbed me and started shouting mwizii. People were just looking at him cz they had been seeing what was transpiring. Niache ama nitupe hii redio tuende wote asara. Tupa uone. As a man with my ego, who hates being dared, I threw the radio across the road ikapasukia uko. That’s when the heavy man came in claiming radio ni yake alikuwa amepea fundi amuundie….i went for the radio with him na after kuichukua akanishika longi na kuanza kuni frog match back to the fundis shop……All caught up now??..lets continue…
My grandfather, in his last breathe advised me to always finish my enemies completely. So venye nliona huyu jamaa ameanguka, I followed him down and grabbed his throat…hitting his head against the cemented floor. Akaanza kurusha mateke hadi akapiga kioo ya counter ikapasuka. Then I felt a hit kwa kisogo yangu na nikaona giza …but just for a moment. Huyu anakuja kuchokozea mtu kwao….kijana unakuja kutuchapia mtu wetu kwetu? Surrounding me were youths in a group of almost 10, most of them wamevaa uniform za makanga….later came to learn uyo jamaa tulikuwa tunapigana naye was a matatu driver. Those guys rained blows on me….thought I was going to die. One person akakuja na kuwatuliza and asked me to explain what was going on….ata kabla niongee Kane akakuja kunishika koo….he had woken up, bleeding everywhere.
I knew I couldn’t wrestle him now because ako na jeshi…alianza kuniswing swing na madharau as if he had won. I just swang to his directions cz I knew nisiponyenyekea nitamalizwa. He dared to throw a blow but he was too weak nikaihepa na akaanguka. That angered his jeshi even more.
He stood up, took my bag and poured everything down…akachukua simu zangu na kunipa redio yake…demanding a new one ndo nichukue simu zangu. Basi nipe iyo simu ndogo niende nitoe mpesa nikununulie….the crowd agreed. My kabambe is my most important thing. Smartphone ni whatsapp tu na kukujia huku kusafisha macho, so I knew I could live without it. They gave me my bag and released me, saying if I don’t go with another radio the next day, angeuza. I knew that phone hakuna mtu anaeza nunua in the first place, Ober primo phones are way too complicated. There was no way I was going to buy that ka radio. It was on Thursday.
On Friday, I dint leave the house, was writing a script on how to get my phone back without violence. And I found the perfect one. On Saturday, I called the fundi. Fundi mimi ni uyo kijana wa amp, wakubwa wangu wanauliza mbona simu yangu inaonekana kwa mtu mwingine? Wakubwa gani? Mimi ni polisi, department ya madawa( I had to mention dawa cz they had seen the samples in my bag). Kazi yetu ni kushika watu wa madawa fake. Ata iyo dawa nilikuuwa nayo ilikuwa exhibit. Sasa iyo simu ni yangu ya kazi, nilipewa na serikali….sasa kama sitakuwa nayo by jioni itabidi niandike APB, nipeleke kwa TFT alafu waiekee LPG…ata sijui nilikuwa nasema nini but I sensed it was working. In a trembling voice fundi akajaribu kunipima wazimu…Kijana kwenda uko mimi najua wakora ka nyinyi. Apo sasa nikajua nimeuma nje but I had to keep trying….without sounding desperate. Sawa mzee kama unaona mimi ni mkora sawa…lakini ujue leo ikipita si mimi nitakujia iyo simu…na usiseme sikujaribu kukusaidia. I disconnected the phone.
5 minutes later he calls…uko wapi? Usijali penye niko mzee hiyo si ya maana….kuja uchukue simu yako. Mzee mimi sikujii simu…wewe nitafte. Kijana yangu apana kuwa ivo…aya niletee apa ABC police station. I couldn’t have sounded more serious. Station tena kijana yangu? Si ukuje tukutane basi….he was pleading hadi nikamhurumia. Sawa…dakika kumi kuja kwa petrol station ya XYZ. Sawa.
He brought me the phone na a thousand apologies and I took it without talking. Nilijua nimemtoa adabu so juzi kuna speaker ingine imespoil nikampelekea….kufika apo vijana wananiita afande. He had spread my cv like bushfire. Hiyo speaker niliambiwa ningoje iundwe niende nayo……
PS: I did not indicate the exact location of the happenings because I feared a talker may have been among the crowd.
