Yakufanyikia haya,jua wewe ni peasant

Born Tao

Village Elder
1. Instead of a home theatre, you have a Sayona or Ampex or some Chinese-made woofer, or your TV has been hissing with ‘mvua mvua’ since the government switched analogue transmission.
2. You ever carried fried maize flour to school for lack of a better alternative. This semi processed busaa was to be soaked in water and drank as other students enjoyed juice. Now you know why some of us successfully failed...we were simply drunk in class!
3. At some point in your life you sliced
ugali then roasted into make-believe bread since you couldn’t afford a real loaf.
4. None of your neighbours invites you for a harambee (because you never have any cash to contribute), graduation party (because you look like no one from your clan has ever graduated), weddings (because your children don’t look like they will ever marry) etc.
You also never get invited because gorge yourself with food and eat as if in a competition, in addition to bringing your entire family to the party, who clear anything edible in a matter of seconds like a locust invasion.
5. When you have a headache, instead of buying a painkiller, you opt for chai
mandazi because the headache will take care of itself.
6. You have used more wild twigs, leaves, maize cobs and stones than tissue paper to wipe your behind after a long drop.
7. You never had underwear in high school!
8. You fried sugar sugar into a toffee in the absence of tea leaves.
9. You love reggae music. The well-off in society prefer rock and jazz.
10. Lunch was a rumour every time you came back from school and you were forced to raid the guava tree to keep the hunger pangs at bay.
11. There are more pigs than any other livestock or pets in your neighbourhood. Pigs signify poverty, unlike geese that can only survive with the moneyed.
12. You are always the first to be suspected whenever something disappears!
13. Your relatives have been accused of practising witchcraft.
14. You are already approaching retirement even before getting a job!