An upbeat and jovial, Mzee kemboi woke up that friday morning earlier than usual. His 60 year old frame suddenly feeling younger and full of life."
Leo ni leo!! He kept murmuring as he took his early morning bath. On flexing his muscles as he showered he managed a sheepish laugh. “Hehehehe!!” He felt like a teenager again his weathered body barely feeling the cold and misty rift valley morning weather.
" A farmers routine is usually monotonous, but there’s a particular day, all year round all farmers look forward to.
As he sat at his usual special seat “yaani kiti ya mzee,” his mind revolved around the endless things could do with the amount of money he was to receive.
Repair tractor, school fees, savings, mama watoto and finally his SALARY. “Hehehee! Sasa hapo kwa salary ndio iko maneno!!”. The possibilities were endless, he found himself smiling on that thought.
Kaunda suit from his favourite taylor in Eldoret. Brand new Sagem phone with polyphonic ringtones that was always advertised on Chamge fm “by a midget reporter who only a few years later would be bundled to the Hague.”
Hehehe Saitan!! Mzee didn’t know what polyphonic meant but it sounded catchy and sophisticated. But then again, once he bought his dream phone he would learn along the way. Lastly and most important, entertainment; nyama choma and tuskers with friends…yaani the list was endless.
After five months of waiting the Narc government had finally paid maize farmers their dues through the scandal plagued parastatal NCPB.
“Mama Yego!! Leta chai haraka nitachelewa bank!”
“Hehehe…Hii serikali haieleweki naskia Kibaki wamekosana na Raila. Ati siku hizi rais anaongelesha Raila akiwa nyuma ya curtain hehehe…hii serikali inaweza kuamua pesa yetu wakulima irudishwe nairobi tena nikichelewa.”
Being a former long distance truck driver kwa @mishty Lochab he had done well for himself. He currently owned a seven acre piece of land. and although he missed the fun in his former life, travelling, alcohol and women he was content on not having wasted his youth.
He quickly downed his breakfast, “tea and boiled maize” and embarked on the walk to Burnt forest so as to board a matatu to Eldoret.
On reaching his branch KCB Eldoret, true to the fact 325,000 had been deposited into his account. He withdrew 40,000 and the rest was to be used at a later date. All day was used in a very important shopping spree and upon completion, he begun his journey back to Burnt forest late in the evening.
He entered Milele bar and on downing his first beer he made the first call on his new phone.
" Hallo…Mama Yego!! tuma kijana hapa town akuje achukue mizigo nimenunua na nyama kilo mbili." The last born son came less an hour later, Kemboi handed over the goods and excess money with clear instructions of “pelekea mama” and he was left with 5,000 more than enough for a small roadside town.
Now it was time to make merry!
The revellers were a mixture of truckers, diesel siphoning thieves and farmers.
All the bartender women were beautiful, especially the young lady at the counter. Muthoni was her name, well endowed lady with round voluptuous bottom. From his experiences on the road he knew what he considers beautiful, every tom, d*ck and harry with a pecker between his legs goes for the same. Anyway as they say “kujaribu sio mbaya”
“Muthoni si ujiuzie bia mbili kwani iko nini! Na ukuje ukae hapa!”
Sawa mzee nitakuja wacha niuzie customer kwanza.
As the night progressed Kemboi downed beers patiently waiting for Muthoni who had now taken his four beers while while barely making an appearance at Mzee Kemboi’s table.
It was time for plan b. “Hata simba akikosa nyama, anakula matumbo” Kwani iko nini?
Watchman kuja hapa…room hapa ni pesa ngapi? Oohhh mia nne…twende unionyeshe.
A drunk mzee walked out with the watchman towards the guest rooms.
Sasa utafanya hivi…nitafutie kaschana kazuri hapo nnje uniletee hapa kwa room. Huyo Muthoni wa counter ni uwongo tu. Haoni tumezeeka hatutaki uwongo ya vijana…Shika hii mia ununue packet mbili ya condom nitakuongeza yako ya mfuko ukileta ka mtu.
Haaaiiii!! Erooo!! packet mbili wewe mzee namaliza??
Kijana usinidharau… Hehehe Hii kipara sio uzee…ile nguvu niko nayo, hata wewe kijana hauna.
Sawa mzee wacha nikuje.
And Kemboi sat on the bed patiently waiting…the mere thought of riding a young girl made his loins vibrate.
Knock! Knock! Knock! “Fungua Mzee nimeleta kitu safi!!”
As he opened the door what he saw was a sight from hell itself. He stood at the door mouth wide agape, bloodshot eyes, his mouth now drooling…he then muttered…
“Mungu wangu!!!..” and fainted.
Kumbe the lady of the night was his one and only daughter Chebet who he always thought was a saloonist in Nakuru.