Some time back nkiwa bado pale Ungwaro, my one and only uncle came to stay with me if only to get nearer to the job market. One day natoka kwa muindi majioni napata mujamaa ameangukia works. For once we would be splitting the bills and also save a few coins za anasa apa n pale. This called for a major celebration. Tukaenda kwa mama pima kupewa na katika harakati za ulevi Thio ended up shagging the kunguru daughter wa huyo madha and refused to pay, inviting the ire of the big assed ‘matam’. While still arguing akasafishwa maslaps kathaa na kuwa blacklisted kwa hako kajoint. I came back later to sort out the issues akawa forgiven.
Works alipata ilikuwa ni ya ‘military’ kwa gate na kufanya usafi kwa flats fulani sio far sana na base. After being on the job for some time akanisho ameangukia kamtotoo and would be introducing her to me v soon. Day ikafika akanipatia directions. After shawa nkadunga poa na kufika huko ma afte in time for the much hyped lunch.
Kufika nkagonga kwa gate na mwenyewe akafungua. Akanipigisha lap ndani ya ploti, introduced me to some mboches and finally came back to his kasmall ‘office’ hapo kando ya gate. On enquiring where msupa wake yuko, ikawa ameenda soko anakam. Mwishowe maragoli wake akafika na kiondo wakagoteana na bila kuni introduce wakapelekana. Alikuwa ni mboch wa keja fulani hapo first floor facing the gate. Kumfikisha kwa mlango akakulishwa hug, akarudi kwa gate akijisifu. Raundi hii nayo aliangukia kitu ya maana but with a very heavy baluya accent kama ya Didmus Parasa ama ile khasia @uwesmake
Tuko apo kwa ka ofisi akinipatia tu hekaya, tumboch tuwili he had earlier introduced me to tukakam tukaanza story, maudaku za ploti za kawaida. Found out Thio anapenda hizo sana. After time kiasi mlango ikafunguliwa akaitwa, akapanda. Mujamaa akavua njumu na kuingia ndani. Nmebaki hapo down kwa gate na hao mamboch wawili najaribu kuingiza ule ataingiana box. After some time akafungua mlango na kuniita. Nkapanda teketeke but was not allowed into the house instead nlipewa ka plate ka sembe juu ya mboga na tumatumbo alaf ka juice kakuteremshia nkaambiwa nkakulie huko chini kwa ofisi ndo ata nmchekie gate.
Kurudi na msosi, nkadai wajipatie shughuli warudi badae. Wakaenda kukaa hapo kando kwa kabench within my eye-reach na kuendelea na muhahe zao. Kamoja kaliamua kukaa kama kamejipanua sijui ndo nione nini na sahio kamevaa khamisi ya light green inakaa kiocha ocha hivi. Yenyewe wakambodia wakona maneno.
Now, nlisosi sembe alaf kausingizi kakanikwachu only to be woken by hard knocks kwa gate. Kufungua nakuta ni mmadha moja mnono ako hapo, akaingia na mizigo na kuuliza wapi Thiong’o? Nkamseti ako huko nyuma anafyeka nyasi. Kuuliza na mimi ni nani, nkamsho ni soja wa hio ploti ingine, rafiki yake. After mumbling to herself akadai nmsaidie kupeleka hizo burungo huko juu house namba 10. Shiet, huko ndo uncle Thio alikuwa na msupa wake and most probably akitembeza mucakwe as per schedule. How was I to alert him kumekujwo. Alaf wale mamboch wawili bado wameng’ethia pale wakaanza kugiggle kama tu silly girls prolly aware of the mayhem that was about to unfold. Naskia kengine kakisema yeye hujiskia sana leo atakipata.
There was only one chance ya kuokoa situation. Nkasho mdhama atangulie nifunge gate poa then nmfollow. To get to the first floor one had to take the stairs at the furthest end of the building. Map was akifika kwa stairs ntumie Thio signal ajitoe. Kumvutia waya, tenje ikalilia hapo kando yangu. Nkachukua kamawe ndo nigongee mlango akitoka nmsho ni kundiambo ajipe shughuli. I ended up breaking the window pane.
It was too late, mdhama alikuwa ashafika juu kwa corridor with a full view of her door. No escape for my poor uncle. Nkashout ku capture attention ya mmadha azubae, akasema nlete mizigo juu, ati “ubaya ya watu wanono ni kuwa lazy” hehe … yenyewe nyani haoni kundule. Ile napanda stairs nabidii nkatrip na shopping za wenyewe, mafuta ya kupika ikamwagika, kwenda kuamka nka slide kama mujamaa wa skates adi chini. Mmadha aliona tu shopping zake zikiroll uko down. Nkatulia kwanza kauchungu kaishe.
Thio naye huyo akatokelezea na ngotha na kavest. Amesweat ka khasia shouting unprintable words, cursing whoever had broken the glass only to find mwenye nyumba hapo kwa mlango. Akaturn kunicheki pale kwa gate, mmadha akafollow gaze yake na kuunganisha one plus one. Bila warning mboches naye akatokelezea, amejifunga leso nkama anaenda shawa. They both didn’t expect mdosi kufika home that early. Hapo kando, wale mamboch wawili nao wamebambika yote yao adi wana high five and all this ni after mimi kujisifu kwao vile naweza, but sana sana ilikuwa juu ya Thio kupatikana.
Situation sasa ikakuwa serious saidi, nguo zake ziko ndani ya keja na hawesrudi kuzikwachu as he was busy planning his escape. Huyo madha, a bully by nature akashika kamujamaa na kumlock adi mboyz akapiga nduru, but being a small guy akaji wriggle out of the grip and in the process akaacha huyo mmama na vest kwa mkono. Akachomoka kijiko akiwa juu ya ngotha na kifua tupu sahio ameisha adi ribs zimejichora. Kuteremka stairs mbio akakula same fate ka mimi. Kuslide na kuswaga down. Huyo ninja akaamka as if nothing had happened na kuchomoka kama faras imechizi. Mama akaanza kuwika mwizi shika huyo, mi sikungoja, huyo nyuma yake teke. Hivo tu ndo uncle Thio alihata kuangusha hio shot and with enough knocks to nurse for a whole week, mujamaa alijirudisha Mucatha polepole. Adi wa leo hatakagi kukumbushwa that eventful day.
