Anyone who has been a JAB fresher-man knows in your first year for those seeking accommodation provided by the academic institution – you have no control over who becomes you roommate since allocations are made haphazardly.
So the year was 2007. We reported to KU and I was lucky enough to get a room at the time which was charged 27/= per day or rather 2700/= per sem pale Nakumatt (Watu wa KU will understand). So mimi huyo hadi my new room looking forward to the campus life and all the freedom that comes with it not forgetting all the amazing girls. I get to my room, I see my roommate’s luggage around and the first thing that I notice is red soil on his shoes. Nikajijazia huyu lazima ametoka kabazi, Subukia ama Kisii land (Those are the key areas that have that red soil that lingered in my mind at the time). The room was well painted and well lit as well – I liked.
During the two years before I joined campus, I had really saved quite a lot and if you can recall, being a nyapara pale kwa ranch – kuna watu nilikata mshahara and kept. In short I had quite a fat bank account by students standards. As soon as I unpacked my stuff, the next thing was to head to some joint I had spotted on my way to the hostels. Mimi huyo, nikashika Naps, and started imbibing as I watched people flock the place. Since I was really new and wasn’t well conversant with the place, I opted to leave before 10pm so that I could have ample time to trace my way back to the hostel.
A week passed before my roommate showed up. I made friends with the guys next door because we were both religious imbibers and we were from the same hometown, nax. One evening, as I was heading back to the rooms after matriculation, I met my new friend in the corridors drunk as eff with a very nice looking lady on his left. On seeing me, he quickly raised his voice and asked,
“leo unamdiniyia wapi?”
I chuckled and went straight to my room with little idea on what was in store for me. On opening the door, I realize the rooms lighting was different and on a second look, I realized my roommate had stuck newspapers all over the room’s wall, like a villager would. The fella was cooking and on turning around the look in his face changed on realizing I wasn’t impressed. The idiot went ahead and said-
“Si inakaa vizuri?” - I kept mum and didn’t respond.
There and then I realized this wasn’t going to work. I climbed onto my bed and started going through my newly acquired Motorolla L7i. It was the in thing at the time
The guy introduced himself as Nyambane. I wasn’t interested with the conversation but just introduced myself as well to avoid being rude.
For a while, I crashed at my pal’s place playing FIFA and listening to his ampex 2.1. One day after lectures, I happened to bring a long my friend to my place. On opening the door, he exclaimed, “maze wacheni ushamba” as he laughed his lungs out. He lifted one of the papers only for us to realize the guy had used flour to stick the effin papers. I couldn’t believe what was happening and decided to pull them down. The look was just annoying. As if that was not enough, the guy had also brought with him a debe of maize in some small sack, Omena and lots of vegetables both exotic and traditional and placed them in my half of the closet because I hadn’t unpacked my stuff.
The fella returned in the evening and found my friend and I busy cleaning up the walls removing the sticky flour things. I swear that’s the darkest-wrinkled face I had ever seen. The guys cursed in Gusii saying Omoisioyo blab la bla saying he will kill someone. He approached my friend and shoved him asking him why he was doing what he did. I kept my cool and only waited for the chance to teach the guy a lesson. Thinking he’d start a fight, he said he will have to report to the authorities. I was okay with that. A couple of days later I got summoned by the house keeper and accommodation officers on the grounds of harassing my roommate. I explained myself and they saw the sense in that – but I was issued a warning as they argued that I should have reported instead of taking matters into my own hands. I wasn’t impressed and knew at the back of my mind this moron would pay for this some day.
We coexisted with the fella without much fuss but there were some odd days when I was angered by the guy. One scenario being day alipata jaba (mogoka) yangu nimetoa ruiru kwa bed nilikuwa nazisanif, but had gone to the washrooms. The guys threw them out ati ni uchafu. Hiyo day nilimpiga headi hadi akatii. On a different occasion, I came with a lady and she opted to seat on the lower decker bed. I rashed to buy some snacks and left the lady behind. On returning, naskia yule jama akikemea yule dem atoke kwa bed. Kuingia nishauliza yule boy shida yake ni nini na adrenaline ilikuwa ishapanda – akatulia na kudai kila mtu atulie kwa bed yake. The lady wasn’t happy and left.
So one day, nikakam na the same chik magizani and decided to use the upper decker. I winked to the guy and hinted to him ajipe shughli kiasi pale common room since I had met the lady impromptu and we needed a few minutes. The guys had none of that. Mimi huyo nishaanza pecks here and there na kutuma salamu (fingering) in slow motion only to hear the guy complaining huko chini. The lady wasn’t comfortable and we had to stop. On a good number of occasions the guy refused to ‘exile’ and in most cases the ladies were shy to let me climb them akiwa. The catch was madem kule Lukenya waliishi wanne so it was difficult on that front and I couldn’t afford lodgings pale kahawa. Hii story iliniuma sana and I had to teach the guy a lesson.
So day moja mimi huyo hadi pale kahawa wendani – there’s some brothel that existed hapo. I met some lanye anaitwa Liz, nikamsuka akakubali twende naye KU. Kufika hostel, akadai kuingia loo kiasi so nikamchapia akam door xyz and I left her behind. Kufika kejani napate yule boy ashaanza kusinzia but vile aliniskia akawa alert kiasi. Nikamchapia zile za, nina dem anakam but asiworry leo nimejipanga. Kidogo Liz ashafika na tukaruka decker ya juu. She was humongous so ile gari lazima ningeipiga kick start kabla iwe ready son nikadandia boobs kiasi na kushika queen Ifrica – kidogo ako zile za ingia sasa.
Mimi nani – nikashuka na kufungua closet. I had stocked a whole box of condoms when I was planning for this day. Mimi huyo nikawasha phone light na kuondoa kila kitu kwa study table. I opened the box of sure CDs and spread them all over the table – ule boys alikuwa amekodoa macho ni kama @Tommy Lee Sparta akiwa matire .
My mshugudi pia ilikuwa tisti kama boriti waiting for the careful execution of the mission. Nikaruka bed na condole moja and started slow thrusts. Liz was up for it, alikuwa zile za “gonga kitu aaiseh”. I needed no further psyche up and asked her ashuke bed. Kushuka nikamchapia zile za shikila study table na window. So amekaaa angle theta strategically since nilidai ule boys lazima anitambue.
I popped in the mjuls hadi Liz akakunjua mgongo, mimi nani – I pressed her back downwards to a useful doggie position whilst stealing glances at the poor Kisii fella. Whenever I found him staring at us I banged her even harder – Liz naye zake zilikuwa tu kuzusha kwani ni vita. I took breaks switched CDs na positions. Yule jamaa alikuwa anajipindua tu kwa bed pale – akiwsitch to the side we were nawekelea Liz mjuls even harder. Liz akadai amechoka kuinama nikamchapia atulie kiasi. Nikavuta ile mato yango na kuisunda chini. Nikaweka Liz in an oystered missionary position hapo tu kando ya kichwa ya boychild. I swear zile quiffs and farts ule dem alikuwa anwachilia nearlysuffocated the fella. Anajaribu kuingia ndani ya blanket lakini wapi – anatoa kichwa juu anaskia tu mirindimo ya deki pale ikipipepeta vinoma. Liz finally tapped out after numerous orgasms. Mimi naye nilikuwa tu chonjoo thanks to some kiombitho and jaba.
I asked Liz to let me also cum since I was close. So mechi ikwawa ni zile dakika za lala salama when it’s all attack attack attach…. Yule boy child couldn’t take it any more na kidogo nacheki mtu ametoka teke njee. I smiled and knew ameenda kkugurumisha nduthi kwa ubaya. I safely arrived. We cleaned up and woke up at 5 am to hit it because Liz had to leave early asilete aibu.
That happened to be my last night hostels za KU. Yule boys aliniseti kwa accomodation management nikatimuliwa on grounds of breaking the 10 to 10 rule and causing disturbance. The fella is now an MCA, though a retarded one.