After a lot of rural home pussy during long holiday(siunajua kama you had the privilege of going to uni sometimes back pussy was all yours) I had to go back to school. So after two months of dry spell one semester, I got infatuated with one girl, a classmate. she was a known not to entertain kukatiwa. I had known how to make money then so some spiderman confidence there. nikamkatia siku kadhaa and she was as difficult as hell man. I tried everything including using her friend to get her drunk on spirits so I could get her loose and hear what she had to say about my approach. It turned out she wasnt used to drink so she went crazy.
So I worked out a killer plan. I would get her flowers that was the only plan left. So I got my flowers and a card with some sweet words written on it. Nika-time saa ile tu wako na msichana mmoja friend of hers only and I delivered. Wacha msichana akuwe embarrassed and shy. wacha aingie kwa mablanketi. Wacha Ingia asweat. Ingia ameshindwa kuongea sasa. Ingia ameshindwa kutoka na maua yake. Ingia amekuwa statue. Sa rafiki yake amekuja to rescue amemwambia aache ujinga achukue maua. So Ingia is saved maua imechukuliwa na msichana amerudi kujificha. I was secretly grateful to her friend by the way. Imagine kurudi na hiyo maua? Ingia amerudi kwake kureflect on hiyo embarrassment. Wacha Ingia apite hapo inje baadaye. Wasichana wengine hapo maclassmates wanakagua vitu nilimletea msichana na hata wanasoma card yangu wakicheka.
I hadnt fuckin read what was written on the card and was focused on flowers(the card was attached). It was some stupid dumb shit written there. I slept my ass off till evening and into the night and the next day we went with my friends to drink. So I come back fucked up and go to her room, talk some shit while drinking some beer I had carried and I ask for my flowers and card back. I wanted to undo what I had done. She declined returning them. She wasnt talking since I was in rage and cursing and I eventually left pissed off after pouring the beer(you know how alcohol can precipitate anger). I come some two days later to ask for my flowers and card again this time sober. They are in a corner of her table. she tells me she aint got any flowers for me so I give up and leave.
I dont know what had told me that of all people who had tried I was the one who would make it. So because she is classmate akiniona anafura aje because of the diss i nilimpatia when drunk. Baadaye akiniongelesha nice I usually retorted because I knew she wanted me to start behaving like a child again. The whole incident is the funniest I had with a woman, not the worst though.
Mi niko na hekaya ingine hapo vile jamaa mmoja ended up sleeping in a Pesa Point ATM booth, akasema acha azime lights alale. Kumbe hiyo “light switch” ni emergency button ya kuita G4S …
Similar story
On a certain staff party i had too much to drink.partners and directors were present.Kuna this ka chic i have been eyeing but yeye yuko senior position and same department so i have been hesitating making my advances coz i dont how i will work in that office akinikataa…sema kuhepa mkojo na kukanyaga mavi…
So that day pombe ilinipanda mbaya.in my head i thought that was the perfect moment to unleash the fisi in me.so went straight to her where she was talking to some managers(i didnt care about the title at this moment.nikaanza kuflow(unajua ile sauti ya mlevi) how i love her and commented about her dressing the way unibamba.Within a minute nilikua nime attract a crowd,all laughing at me and my vibes.hio haikuni discourage,so i went on kumwaga lyrics…I had to be pulled back by my friend who said nilikua najiabisha.
Long story short,i called in sick the for two days as i could not just show my face.
I dont know how it faded but i was really embarrased.
Kuna enzi while in school nilikua mtu wa Cheki maneno. So one day nikakunywa keg when it was still new until sijielewi, I left my pals briefly going out of the pub to light up, nikaona bike kama yangu exact hapo nje. Bhangi zangu zikanishow bike nilikam nayo and i need to go home lest i blackout and lose it… Salaalaa! Worst mistake ever. I ran into a maize cob vendors jiko after meandering for about 20mtrs. Wacha mwenye bike askie commotion akam mbio hehehe… Were it not for my friends who came to my aid and coughed 3k singekua hapa… Thats the closest I’ve ever come close to death