How i Nearly Died Because of a Somali Pussy in Garissa.

[Antonio_Mascaro]

@Tommy Lee Sparta

mombasa pia this indians and arabs chics huwa hot na wanajipa sana lakini their cousins ama brothers wakijuwa unadungwa visu
hii upuzi sijui walitoa wapi na wao hukamua mizoga zetu na hatusumbui

If its cousins, then besides the superiority complex they have, bado unawapiga compe hehehehe. coz bado wao hunyanduana macuzo kwa macuzo. Kwanza waswahili pale old town hawanaga mila.

[big_man]

@Shegaj

Long hekaya alert, Msijali its my first,
It was years ago under Kibaki’s reign , I had just finished High school and one had to wait nearly a year for University placement by the govt.
I had just finished doing computer packages when my flashy young uncle working for the UN came to visit, he convinced my parents he would hook me up with a job as I waited for uni placement. He convinced them Garissa was safe for the UN staff , the insecurity was only near Daadab and Ifo refugee camps near the border.

Anyway, since I would be based in Garissa town , I readily packed my things. I wanted the adventure .We left the next morning in a UN registered Land cruiser.
I loved the trip , Garissa is a 5 hour trip from Nrb, the road is tarmacked ,not what I had initially expected.The only problem was the sweltering heat.

My uncle worked in Daadab and sometimes at their offices in Garissa or Nairobi, he was constantly on the move.
He had rented 2 bungalows, one in Garissa’s bulla South c and another in Madogo on the other side of Tana River in case Garissa erupts.

I had keys to both houses and an old Prado to use as my uncle told me to wait for kitu 2 weeks as he took care of my job application.

Kizungu kando, wacha ni wapee hekaya , Uncle akaniwarn Garissa iko under some sort of Sharia law, nisihanye Somalis ni wa avoid coz il get stabbed or get shot . Nikitaka fun afadhali nitafute wakamba, hehehe, yeah hao ndio Malaya wengi pia Garissa.
Kuna a 4 star hotel inaitwa Almond Resort, ilikua imefunguliwa iyo time , iko na a swimming pool na well manicured lawns, na top notch staff from Utalii College, I mean top class service.
I would spend the whole day huko nikiangalia madem ,adolescent raging hormones bado hazikua zimeisha…

Sasa one weekend hapo Almond a light skin Somali lady with the sexiest figure na ass imewekwa kwa buibui came and sat next table, she looked ako kitu early 20’s…lust at first sight…she had the most beautiful face I’d ever seen…I said hi and nikaulizia jina, HALIMA, had a deep UK accent, we clicked. She had just come from London , aliletwa Garissa ajue ki Somali na pia kufunzwa dini yao…she hated the place .
She was funny , the accent tuu ilikua inafanya ni kue na a hard on.She had come with her family walikua next kwa pool, nikachukua number na aka promise ata come the next day.

tukachat the whole night, kitu ikakubali atahepa the family wakiswim twende kwetu , ilikua kitu 5mins away. Prado ilikua tinted , akavalia ninja ,off we went kwa nyumba.

Our Caretaker Ali, an old Somali mzee hakuwa,alikua ameenda nyumbani off coz nilikua around… compound ilikua empty, we didn’t waste time.
Halima had mad dck sucking skills , mad skills anafaa apewe nobel prize, she had natural hair karibu ifike kwa haga, thanked my ancestors for the cleanest shaved Tight pu**y. Unajua Somalis hata wakinyamba wanaosha matako vizuri na Maji.Threshold lazima nilifikisha,ngozi yake ilikua so smooth na laini nilikua naona my dck would rupture her uko ndani … Yaani Toto ilikua kuku ya grade sio hizi 40 year lanyes Ktalkers wamezoea.

We would bang every afternoon for kitu a week, the problem ilikua one afternoon in our usual escapades, our Somali caretaker Ali alirudi bila kunishow…
Nilikua Kitchen natafta juice mrembo alikua balcony akipunga upepo, wacha niskie commotion , caretaker Ali akitoa ma war cry upstairs …f**k, hiyo siku ndio nilijua wasomali wote ni Kama huwarelated… swines ,cousins intermarry.

Caretaker Ali aliweka Halima slaps na kutoka nje mbio akipiga nduru …Apparently mama ya Halima alikuwa sijui cousin ya sister ya cousin yake sijui clan moja , ata sikuelewa…walipata kwa kina Halima , wanajuana…
Wacha ma watchmen na taxi drivers sijui walitokea wapi…
Halima , alikua ashavaa , analia akinishow atauliwa na parents wake…
tulitoka mbio hadi kwa Gari, My wallet intact…
Wacha the small crowd iingie kwa compound , about kitu 15 skinnies , naskia UA! UA!UA! KAFIRI!!
Kioo ya upande yangu ya Driver ikajam, i was reversing speedily out of the compound, niliamua sitakufa pekee yangu…
sijui vile I got stabbed kwa my arm . …Kumbe Somalis hukua na Visu kwa Magari zao…but niligonga waria mmoja kidogo kwa mguu I guess alivunjika.

My Arm was bleeding , Halima anapiga nduru kwa backseat, sijui vile nilipita na hiyo gate ilikua half open I guess.

Wenye mnajua Garissa iko a petrol station kwa junction ya province hapo karibu bridge…, nilispeed nikaingia hapo , taxi ilikua inanifuata haikuniona wakapita wakaenda tao.

Halima akashuka Mimi nikaenda Madogo, a small center on the other side ya Garissa , nikaenda a health center hapo, Nika call Uncle nikamsimulia Kisanga.

Walinistitch tu ivi Kama nimepanda bus nikarudi Nairobi na bandage kwa arm.
Nikambia My parents it was a small accident tu, Na nilitoroka Garissa coz Somalis are SAVAGES, i hated them and the weather was harsh.
Ladies and Gentlemen, that’s how I had my first and last Somali pu**y…no matter how a cute Somali lady is na amejipa aje ,Mimi hukumbuka vile walinifanya Garissa natema tu Mate!!!

[Burungo]

Hua wrong number. Kuna hi story somebody confirm ati manzi nite ya kwanza na chali huwekewa white bedsheet then mmathe ‘expert’ ako gangare kuconfirm manzi ana zero mileage. So kama dame ana ‘secretive’ mileage lazima ajipange vile effidence itatoka huku dume inadhani ni jogoo.

[inzhener_otmetka]

Pole ndugu…
Moral of the story: Siku za mtombaji ni 40.

[Mediocre]

Halima alifanyiwa nini kama ulidungwa kisu?

[Captain284]

Lucky you survived to tell the escapades.

[Dakan]

Kijana uko na war wounds…You are legend. Pewa like.

[Shegaj]

@Mediocre

Halima alifanyiwa nini kama ulidungwa kisu?

I never found out, her phone was switched off , I replaced my line pia nilipofika Nairobi …I never found out, maybe kuna relative yake hapa atuambie

[MegaKing]

@gashwin

pole man. i understand.

Mzee leta hekaya, understand you said ume wahi kaa Northern kenya

[Bingwa_Scrotum]

I dont know why guys are casual about this hekaya

This was a classic case of bestiality

So sad for the girl

[Mzee_mzima]

@mayekeke I think uko na nywele ngumu sio? Unakubaliwa kumla mtoto wa kisomali?

Lakini hawa watu ni wapuzi, coomer ni ya manzi, ungerudi hapo utupe stew ya nguruwe

[qtip]

[ATTACH=full]162898[/ATTACH][ATTACH=full]162898[/ATTACH]I can only imagine those cousins

[Shegaj]

@qtip

[ATTACH=full]162898[/ATTACH][ATTACH=full]162898[/ATTACH]I can only imagine those cousins

hahaha

[Budspencer]

@Shegaj

I never found out, her phone was switched off , I replaced my line pia nilipofika Nairobi …I never found out, maybe kuna relative yake hapa atuambie

Unabadilisha line? Kwani were ni muoga aje? Hio Almonds naitambua sana but I have bad memories of it. Was once booked in for a week nikiwa job. My room was overlooking the swimmo. One afte baada ya job I spotted a young Somali lady swimming below. It was weird coz usually these women overdress for swimmo owing to their culture of covering themselves. Huyu alikua amevaa tights and her thighs just above the knees zilikua nje. I could also see the outline of her sambusa. Nikavaa cowboy swimming costume/ underwear na kuteremka. Nikadive in and got her attention by doing a length na riverstyle. She was still applying sunscreen. I said hi na akajibu kishingo upande. Nikajiambia hakuna shida niko halo kusafisha macho at the least. Knowing how strict the hotel management were( walirudisha kunguru yangu ingine I had imported from town club at the reception for we didn’t have a marriage cert. Blue balls i tell you), singekaribia that 18yr old looking fine lady. Kumbe mrembo was an expert swimmer. She was there to practice synchronized swimming moves. Got the opportunity to talk to her by praising her moves. Moments later we were chatting and she was my instructor. Alikua anazungusha miguu zangu as I was upsidedown in the water nikikunywa vikombe. Ghafla bin vu the brothers and their buddies wakatokelezea na kunitishia. Niliwaangalia na sura ya kazi wakaona huyu anakaa ni wale wabaya. They hauled her out of the swimmo instead and told her to go dress appropriately. Nilibaki nikikohoa maji tu. Hata number sikupata. Years later we met at South C hapo Halai. She couldn’t remember me nikajua tu kumbe huko garissa alikua akiniangalia na blurred vision tu.

[Bingwa_Scrotum]

@Shegaj

hahaha

you ape slept with our daughter n you coming here to brag

[Bingwa_Scrotum]

@Budspencer

Unabadilisha line? Kwani were ni muoga aje? Hio Almonds naitambua sana but I have bad memories of it. Was once booked in for a week nikiwa job. My room was overlooking the swimmo. One afte baada ya job I spotted a young Somali lady swimming below. It was weird coz usually these women overdress for swimmo owing to their culture of covering themselves. Huyu alikua amevaa tights and her thighs just above the knees zilikua nje. I could also see the outline of her sambusa. Nikavaa cowboy swimming costume/ underwear na kuteremka. Nikadive in and got her attention by doing a length na riverstyle. She was still applying sunscreen. I said hi na akajibu kishingo upande. Nikajiambia hakuna shida niko halo kusafisha macho at the least. Knowing how strict the hotel management were( walirudisha kunguru yangu ingine I had imported from town club at the reception for we didn’t have a marriage cert. Blue balls i tell you), singekaribia that 18yr old looking fine lady. Kumbe mrembo was an expert swimmer. She was there to practice synchronized swimming moves. Got the opportunity to talk to her by praising her moves. Moments later we were chatting and she was my instructor. Alikua anazungusha miguu zangu as I was upsidedown in the water nikikunywa vikombe. Ghafla bin vu the brothers and their buddies wakatokelezea na kunitishia. Niliwaangalia na sura ya kazi wakaona huyu anakaa ni wale wabaya. They hauled her out of the swimmo instead and told her to go dress appropriately. Nilibaki nikikohoa maji tu. Hata number sikupata. Years later we met at South C hapo Halai. She couldn’t remember me nikajua tu kumbe huko garissa alikua akiniangalia na blurred vision tu.

You cannot tell which monkey you saw yesterdau, for instance.

[gashwin]

@MegaKing

Mzee leta hekaya, understand you said ume wahi kaa Northern kenya

:)sina hekaya personal though i witnessed two cases when i stayed in garissa for two and a half years mid 2000s. in one it was a narrow escape for a friend who only escaped with his phone while dressed in shorts and a tshirt. he charged through a mathenge fence. fare tulikuwa tunampelekea madogo following day. in the second case a government officer was jailed for seven years for “rape” after the girlfriend was forced to testify against him…ukivuka tana utafute za kwenu.

[coldpilsner]

@Mzee mzima

@mayekeke I think uko na nywele ngumu sio? Unakubaliwa kumla mtoto wa kisomali?

Lakini hawa watu ni wapuzi, coomer ni ya manzi, ungerudi hapo utupe stew ya nguruwe

Heheheh

[Shegaj]

@Budspencer

Unabadilisha line? Kwani were ni muoga aje? Hio Almonds naitambua sana but I have bad memories of it. Was once booked in for a week nikiwa job. My room was overlooking the swimmo. One afte baada ya job I spotted a young Somali lady swimming below. It was weird coz usually these women overdress for swimmo owing to their culture of covering themselves. Huyu alikua amevaa tights and her thighs just above the knees zilikua nje. I could also see the outline of her sambusa. Nikavaa cowboy swimming costume/ underwear na kuteremka. Nikadive in and got her attention by doing a length na riverstyle. She was still applying sunscreen. I said hi na akajibu kishingo upande. Nikajiambia hakuna shida niko halo kusafisha macho at the least. Knowing how strict the hotel management were( walirudisha kunguru yangu ingine I had imported from town club at the reception for we didn’t have a marriage cert. Blue balls i tell you), singekaribia that 18yr old looking fine lady. Kumbe mrembo was an expert swimmer. She was there to practice synchronized swimming moves. Got the opportunity to talk to her by praising her moves. Moments later we were chatting and she was my instructor. Alikua anazungusha miguu zangu as I was upsidedown in the water nikikunywa vikombe. Ghafla bin vu the brothers and their buddies wakatokelezea na kunitishia. Niliwaangalia na sura ya kazi wakaona huyu anakaa ni wale wabaya. They hauled her out of the swimmo instead and told her to go dress appropriately. Nilibaki nikikohoa maji tu. Hata number sikupata. Years later we met at South C hapo Halai. She couldn’t remember me nikajua tu kumbe huko garissa alikua akiniangalia na blurred vision tu.

Almond ni smart Sana…hiyo yako pia ingekuwa hekaya kivyake wangekuwa wengi

[Shegaj]

@gashwin

:)sina hekaya personal though i witnessed two cases when i stayed in garissa for two and a half years mid 2000s. in one it was a narrow escape for a friend who only escaped with his phone while dressed in shorts and a tshirt. he charged through a mathenge fence fare tulikuwa tunampelekea madogo following day. in the second case a government officer was jailed for seven years for “rape” after the girlfriend was forced to testify against him…ukivuka tana utafute za kwenu.

MATHENGE!!! Huyo ndio akona hekaya Kali basi…
at least I got out alive hawa watu ni wanyama sana