Nairobi Ni Shamba La Mawe Na Wanjanja, Jihadhari Na Conmen Wa Nairobi

[Kumbaffu]

Last time I was conned, I was in highschool. Ile tu unanunua simu fake imejazwa matope ndani.

Since then, I’m usually very skeptical. Nowadays, I see a con from a mile away.

[Blckrogue]

@younginvestor

Yangu ilihappen when i was in campus. the early days of olx. i was looking for a new place to impress my new catch! i found a nice sq unit at sore drive in south b. it was going for 12k. i quickly called the number, a nice sounding middle aged woman. she advised me to pay for the house immediately because some somali guy had interest in it too. the naive me quickly raised 24k (rent+deposit) and headed there to get the key. Long story short, at 6pm, i realized that i had been finessed! my cash-strapped self wanted the earth to swallow me alive

Hahaha house number? I grew up there on sore drive

[Ben_Dover]

@Chumamoto

I said I can’t be conned in Nairobi. I have a way of picking out cons from a mile. Mimi labda you snatch a valuable from me.

Hawa guys ni noma. Ukipatana na the legends, utaoshwa

[Ben_Dover]

@Blckrogue

Hahaha house number? I grew up there on sore drive

Used to Katia some chick hapo Sore, by then I was staying hapo kenya-re estate, Plainsview rd.

[Chumamoto]

@Ben Dover

Hawa guys ni noma. Ukipatana na the legends, utaoshwa

You have to be naive and gullible to be conned. For me you will have to steal from me not dupe me. You are right though if you let your guard down one day utapatikana.

[Bazuka]

Tamaa ndio ufanya mtu kugongwa.

[Gamblah]

@Ndindu

Kuna mzee aliconiwa ama tuseme kunyang’anywa doh hapo karibu Mathare Hospital.

Here is how it went down.

An aged man from upcountry came to town in the early 2000s. Those days hakukuwa na Mpesa so people ferrired around huge sums of cash. So it happened that this old man was being spied up by some youths. He went into a bank akatoa doh mingi akasunda kwa koti yake akatoka akaboard mat hapo Tom Mboya ya kuelekea sides za Thika Road. Wale mavijana pia wakaingia kwa hiyo matatu wakajiseti. Ilipofika Muthaiga mmoja wa vijanaa akasema wanataka washukishe baba yao hapo Mathare Hosital coz anarukaga kichwa na sometimes huwa violent. So gari ilipofika hapo stage ya Hosi ika stop mzee na wanawe washuke. Mzee akaanza kuleta fujo eti hataki kwenda hosi, so hata conductor akasaidia vijana kumtoa. Huyo mzae iliporwa 400K na hao majamaa

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha wuuiiii!!!

[Gamblah]

@shingo upande

Mine happened early this year.
I was going to kamua some singomatha huko namba nane past gachie when I noticed a young girl in a full school in uniform crying kwa stage tao.
The uniform was of a school from my subcounty and my uncle is the principal.mimi na kiherehere yangu I approached the girl to inquire what’s the matter.
The girl claimed she is waiting for her mother.aliniomba simu and dialed a number, called but no one picked.
She said her name was Mary.The number she dialed came up as “mama Mary” in true caller app. I gave her 100 for fare.
I boarded a matatu hapo eastmatt tom mboya St…mat kufika ngara,mzee mzito shouted loudly at the makanga “Zima mziki,mwizi ameniibia tenje”
It happened so fast…all I remember is the mzee was given some phone by some passenger to dial “his” number.
My phone rang,it was taken,two hot slaps, kicked out of a moving bus,simu na wallet kwisha enda…

 My half bro who works for latema Sacco tracked the thief plus makanga and served them some beatings.

My 3 years old tecno ilienda tuu.

I actually laughed out loud at this. Waah. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[Hesabu]

All who believe in free money will be surprised to learn a very painful but old lesson that all sane and experienced men know: “Hakuna Cha bure” reject free money, it’s a trap, money that has worth is worth working for and risking for, money that comes freely could cost you your very life… Kwa wenye walirambwa, karibuni Jiji, msife moyo na usilete vendetta na hawo ma charlatans, siku ya 40 ya mwizi hufika Kila siku, Yao itafika tu, ni Kama kifo. Nairobi ni shamba la mawe ya ukweli, kaa chonjo na ishi fiti, Chini ya wabas

[Gamblah]

Mimi niliconiwa 6k nikiambiwa ati ntawekewa DSTV for life.

Kuna msee alinipee namba flani. Kuipiga, the person on the other side akanishoo nikifika home niwashe decorder. Manze hiyo siku hadi nilihepa waks na ata karibu nipande uber nikifikiri vile ntawatch premier league all the days of my life bila kulipia. Kufika home, nikawasha decorder in a record 5 seconds nikampigia. Aliniambia ati before tuanze nimtumie 3k juu kuna wasee walikuwa wamemcon earlier that day na anataka kumake sure sio con game. Meanwhile, akanishoo niwashe decoder na within 10 minutes kila kitu itakuwa fine. Na excitement yangu nikamtumia 3050 (plus ya kutoa) na nikangoja. Nakushow that 10 minutes was the longest in my life. Me staring at my blank TV screen nikingoja icon ya Supersport 3 to appear…For life…after 15 minutes nikampigia but phone yake ilikuwa off. With my naivety, I thought that maybe imeisha charge so nkasema ntamngoja tu…it was 10:45pm…nilijipata at 6:35am nimelala kwa kiti na TV ilijizima like 50 years ago. Kuiwasha, the same ugly blue screen met my eyes. Nikasema hamna noma nikaenda waks.

At around 11am, the guy calls again akaapologise for not setting me up with my DSTV for life the previous day. Akaniambia ati software ilicrash na hakuwa na credo ya kunipigia. (My stupidity even made me forget nimetumia mtu 3050 na anasema hana credo!!!). Akaniambia tena ati nikifika home niwashe decoder tena na this time round he promised to complete the process juu he had acquired new software… Nilifika home nikawasha decoder in 4 seconds, breaking my earlier record nikampigia. After like 10 minutes aliniambia round hii kila kitu iko sawa na from his end, the process is 70% done…then 80%…then 95%…(All this time, on my end, it was just a stupid, ugly blue screen, nothing was going on…alinishow ati on my side sifai kuona anything juu he’s the one doing the operation). I believed him. Vile ilifika “99%”, alinishow ati nitume 3k ingine ndo amalizie juu hanitrust, ati akimaliza stamtumia dooh. I stupidly obliged nikamtumia 3049 this time round, ati juu nilikuwa nimejamu so nikamnyima hiyo bob(HA!!)…Unlike the previous day,nikasema immediately nimtumie ntampigia. Stangoja ati sijui 5 minutes…Waah!! Kupiga hiyo number kwanza dial tone ikasound ni kama mtu ata hayuko africa…then ikaenda voice mail then ikazimwa. I dialled that number over 70 times that night lakini wapi? Ilibidi tu nizime TV, niweke simu yangu icharge (juu nilipiga hadi ikaisha charge) na nipeleke my conned makende to bed.

[Hesabu]

@Gamblah

Mimi niliconiwa 6k nikiambiwa ati ntawekewa DSTV for life.

Kuna msee alinipee namba flani. Kuipiga, the person on the other side akanishoo nikifika home niwashe decorder. Manze hiyo siku hadi nilihepa waks na ata karibu nipande uber nikifikiri vile ntawatch premier league all the days of my life bila kulipia. Kufika home, nikawasha decorder in a record 5 seconds nikampigia. Aliniambia ati before tuanze nimtumie 3k juu kuna wasee walikuwa wamemcon earlier that day na anataka kumake sure sio con game. Meanwhile, akanishoo niwashe decoder na within 10 minutes kila kitu itakuwa fine. Na excitement yangu nikamtumia 3050 (plus ya kutoa) na nikangoja. Nakushow that 10 minutes was the longest in my life. Me staring at my blank TV screen nikingoja icon ya Supersport 3 to appear…For life…after 15 minutes nikampigia but phone yake ilikuwa off. With my naivety, I thought that maybe imeisha charge so nkasema ntamngoja tu…it was 10:45pm…nilijipata at 6:35am nimelala kwa kiti na TV ilijizima like 50 years ago. Kuiwasha, the same ugly blue screen met my eyes. Nikasema hamna noma nikaenda waks.

At around 11am, the guy calls again akaapologise for not setting me up with my DSTV for life the previous day. Akaniambia ati software ilicrash na hakuwa na credo ya kunipigia. (My stupidity even made me forget nimetumia mtu 3050 na anasema hana credo!!!). Akaniambia tena ati nikifika home niwashe decoder tena na this time round he promised to complete the process juu he had acquired new software… Nilifika home nikawasha decoder in 4 seconds, breaking my earlier record nikampigia. After like 10 minutes aliniambia round hii kila kitu iko sawa na from his end, the process is 70% done…then 80%…then 95%…(All this time, on my end, it was just a stupid, ugly blue screen, nothing was going on…alinishow ati on my side sifai kuona anything juu he’s the one doing the operation). I believed him. Vile ilifika “99%”, alinishow ati nitume 3k ingine ndo amalizie juu hanitrust, ati akimaliza stamtumia dooh. I stupidly obliged nikamtumia 3049 this time round, ati juu nilikuwa nimejamu so nikamnyima hiyo bob(HA!!)…Unlike the previous day,nikasema immediately nimtumie ntampigia. Stangoja ati sijui 5 minutes…Waah!! Kupiga hiyo number kwanza dial tone ikasound ni kama mtu ata hayuko africa…then ikaenda voice mail then ikazimwa. I dialled that number over 70 times that night lakini wapi? Ilibidi tu nizime TV, niweke simu yangu icharge (juu nilipiga hadi ikaisha charge) na nipeleke my conned makende to bed.

:p:pI have never laughed this hard this early. Pole boss, these things happen every day, no shame unless you it happens twice

[Jefe]

@Ndindu

wanataka washukishe baba yao hapo Mathare Hosital coz anarukaga kichwa na sometimes huwa violent. So gari ilipofika hapo stage ya Hosi ika stop mzee na wanawe washuke. Mzee akaanza kuleta fujo eti hataki kwenda hosi, so hata conductor akasaidia vijana kumtoa. Huyo mzae iliporwa 400K na hao majamaa

[ATTACH=full]312884[/ATTACH]

[solosantos]

@Starscream

By @fishmonger

Kuna mzee ashawai nicon OLX and i felt stupid kabisa.

I was selling a Huawei phone, so i posted on OLX. The mzee called and told me he wants to buy it. We agree to meet hapo commercial Nairobi. I get there and mzee tells me yuko hapo Accra hotel. I go there but I don’t find him. He calls and tells me yuko hapo nje karibu na choo za kanjo. I step out and finally meet him. He tells me tuingie a hotel/pub iko hapo next to the hotel. We go in and the first thing the mzee does is to remove his coat and hang it kwa kiti before sitting down. I gave him the phone, he looked at it and told me he wants to buy for his daughter. He asked if the charger is working, and I tell him yes, the phone is new. He told me he wants to test the charger and he moved towards the counter, which was away from the door.
I relaxed, waiting for the mzee to come back. Since his coat iko kwa hapo and the exit is next to me, I was not worried. But after 30 mins, the mzee was nowhere to be seen na simu yako. I tried calling his number and it was off. I moved towards the counter and asedk the cashier if the mzee left the phone charging, akaniambia hakuna mzee amewacha simu. I asked if there is another counter and she told me no. I walked around to the washroom and realized there is another exit. Nikajua nimeoshwa na muosho moja. I went back and checked the coat. It was still there, hanging. I checked the pocket and found a wallet filled with papers and a fifty shillings note covering the neatly arranged papers made to look like notes.I went home with the coat feeling very stupid

boss i cant stop laughing .

[system]

The best way to escape conning is avoiding people entirely. In Kenya you must learn to live like a hermit coz watu wako na hadithi 1000 and all of them end up with losing money. Lazima uwe na roho ya chuma.

@Starscream, pole sana.

[JMMohaa]

@Hesabu

:p:pI have never laughed this hard this early. Pole boss, these things happen every day, no shame unless you it happens twice

You must be a naive and village boy na sio kwa ubaya who is highly vulnerable to being conned, I have been conned as well but lazima nitoke na Final Product. I was sold a fake LQ Tv set back 2015.

My old man taught me two things which have remained useful to date

1. There is nothing for free- Everyone including an Angel Gabriel who mentions free thing, Put him/her off by saying- Situmii vitu za free! you will have escaped 98% of con games in Nairobi.

2. When a deal is two good think three times, and if you cant figure out who is incurring the loss automatically know its you, Reject.

3. Whatsoever the encounter in life you meet always refer to 1 and 2, “101”% you will have evaded all the traps

Take this to the bank I have given you a comprehensive life insurance on survival tactics

[shingo_upande]

@JMMohaa

You must be a naive and village boy na sio kwa ubaya who is highly vulnerable to being conned, I have been conned as well but lazima nitoke na Final Product. I was sold a fake LQ Tv set back 2015.

My old man taught me two things which have remained useful to date

1. There is nothing for free- Everyone including an Angel Gabriel who mentions free thing, Put him/her off by saying- Situmii vitu za free! you will have escaped 98% of con games in Nairobi.

2. When a deal is two good think three times, and if you cant figure out who is incurring the loss automatically know its you, Reject.

3. Whatsoever the encounter in life you meet always refer to 1 and 2, “101”% you will have evaded all the traps

Take this to the bank I have given you a comprehensive life insurance on survival tactics

We never learn.these thugs make us part with our money as the fools we are.
Like yesterday some group of very very very beautiful ladies in matching branded clothes started giving and installing for everyone FREE phone glass screen protectors in the alley we drink in town.
There was a catch though…we had to scratch some raffle tickets…if you win anything, you pay 200 bob (transport for the fiiiiiiine ladies).
A pal won a shaving machine…alipewa box kubwa, kufungua ndani alipata Bick razor ya 30 bob…mwingine akashinda nail clipper,pegs, tooth pick,and some other cheap stuff…
We basically bought the screen protectors + cheap stuff for 200 .
I got a number of one of them beauties…tume chat sana,anadai nitume fare wadau…

[CD_Za_Mutambaruka]

@shingo upande

We never learn.these thugs make us part with our money as the fools we are.
Like yesterday some group of very very very beautiful ladies in matching branded clothes started giving and installing for everyone FREE phone glass screen protectors in the alley we drink in town.
There was a catch though…we had to scratch some raffle tickets…if you win anything, you pay 200 bob (transport for the fiiiiiiine ladies).
A pal won a shaving machine…alipewa box kubwa, kufungua ndani alipata Bick razor ya 30 bob…mwingine akashinda nail clipper,pegs, tooth pick,and some other cheap stuff…
We basically bought the screen protectors + cheap stuff for 200 .
I got a number of one of them beauties…tume chat sana,anadai nitume fare wadau…

:D:D And finally the winner of the con game show.

[kryptony]

@Ndindu

Coat kwa kiti was meant to win your trust. That part is VERY crucial in every deal that these cons undertake.

Hahaha iza bro, it happens to the best of us but hekaya mufti kabisa.

Yeah that part of hanging coat completely disarmed you but even that taking you in circles first then you finally meet won your trust mdogo mdogo. Eish you have to have smarts to thrive in that mad jungle

[Brayo44ki]

[COLOR=rgb(40, 50, 78)]Io ya bahasha ya not fake niliwahi jaribiwa hapo fig tree, as I went for the bahasha a guy materialized picked it up and told me tunaeza gawana. It was 10 in the morning and the guy had a slight smell of cheap spirits when he talked, that alone made me pat him on the back na kumwambia aende atoe lock na io do

[Ben_Dover]

@Gamblah

Mimi niliconiwa 6k nikiambiwa ati ntawekewa DSTV for life.

Kuna msee alinipee namba flani. Kuipiga, the person on the other side akanishoo nikifika home niwashe decorder. Manze hiyo siku hadi nilihepa waks na ata karibu nipande uber nikifikiri vile ntawatch premier league all the days of my life bila kulipia. Kufika home, nikawasha decorder in a record 5 seconds nikampigia. Aliniambia ati before tuanze nimtumie 3k juu kuna wasee walikuwa wamemcon earlier that day na anataka kumake sure sio con game. Meanwhile, akanishoo niwashe decoder na within 10 minutes kila kitu itakuwa fine. Na excitement yangu nikamtumia 3050 (plus ya kutoa) na nikangoja. Nakushow that 10 minutes was the longest in my life. Me staring at my blank TV screen nikingoja icon ya Supersport 3 to appear…For life…after 15 minutes nikampigia but phone yake ilikuwa off. With my naivety, I thought that maybe imeisha charge so nkasema ntamngoja tu…it was 10:45pm…nilijipata at 6:35am nimelala kwa kiti na TV ilijizima like 50 years ago. Kuiwasha, the same ugly blue screen met my eyes. Nikasema hamna noma nikaenda waks.

At around 11am, the guy calls again akaapologise for not setting me up with my DSTV for life the previous day. Akaniambia ati software ilicrash na hakuwa na credo ya kunipigia. (My stupidity even made me forget nimetumia mtu 3050 na anasema hana credo!!!). Akaniambia tena ati nikifika home niwashe decoder tena na this time round he promised to complete the process juu he had acquired new software… Nilifika home nikawasha decoder in 4 seconds, breaking my earlier record nikampigia. After like 10 minutes aliniambia round hii kila kitu iko sawa na from his end, the process is 70% done…then 80%…then 95%…(All this time, on my end, it was just a stupid, ugly blue screen, nothing was going on…alinishow ati on my side sifai kuona anything juu he’s the one doing the operation). I believed him. Vile ilifika “99%”, alinishow ati nitume 3k ingine ndo amalizie juu hanitrust, ati akimaliza stamtumia dooh. I stupidly obliged nikamtumia 3049 this time round, ati juu nilikuwa nimejamu so nikamnyima hiyo bob(HA!!)…Unlike the previous day,nikasema immediately nimtumie ntampigia. Stangoja ati sijui 5 minutes…Waah!! Kupiga hiyo number kwanza dial tone ikasound ni kama mtu ata hayuko africa…then ikaenda voice mail then ikazimwa. I dialled that number over 70 times that night lakini wapi? Ilibidi tu nizime TV, niweke simu yangu icharge (juu nilipiga hadi ikaisha charge) na nipeleke my conned makende to bed.

@Gamblah story narration yako huwa juu, keep the hekayas coming. Hii nimecheka noma :D:D