Haha…thank you Jesus
:p:D
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Did you dry fry an elderly citizen?
We normally appreciate summaries lakini hizi zako hapana!
All these are worthy of a thread on their own bana.
Kwanza number 5,6 and 9 do the needful :D:D:D:D
I once dry fried a cripple, one leg was shorter, she kept coming to my house after that. She was so sweet tho. No regrets. She dint have demands.
Kuchota Dem kwa club then meeting her rowdy classmates at the club’s gate. Niggaz caused a ruckus saying there’s nowhere a stranger is taking there comrade…
I am unfazed by the niggaz and stand my ground. One of them decides to escort us to my destination while on a motorcycle. That was mistake #1 he did.
Somewhere along the way, on a steep incline, the motorcycles couldn’t proceed due to excess passengers (the girl and I on one, rowdy classmate with his girl on the other bike)
We decide to let the bikes proceed with one passenger only. As fate, would have it, I was left with the guy’s girl at the foothill. Mistake #2.
Let’s just say after all was said and done, my first threesome was achieved.
- Kuibiwa documents, i lost most of my documents passport, title deeds na highschool certs after kuwekewa mchele na malaya nilibeba
- Kuenda home na chips funga sura mbaya sana my friends alwas laugh to this day but that pussy was the tightest i ever had.
Some dude once told me the sweetest pudenda he ever got was from a kiwete.
I nearly lost my life along Kiambu Rd., saa saba mchana. Nimeboard taxi pale outside Gill House just after withdrawing some cash from an MPESA agent nearby. Some thick young’n had texted me to visit her pale karibu na Kiambu. Hopped in, it was a pretty new pearl white NZE and since I had some small mzigos, I decided to sit at the back.
Sisi hao tumeshika Tom Mboya, globe, Thika Rd., branched off at CID HQ. Just past Karura forest, I decide to pull out my phone and holla at this girl to let her know I’ll be there in 10 mins max. Alas! Yuko mteja. At that very instant as i’m looking around wondering what to do next, my eyes lock with the cab driver’s in the rearview mirror. I can see that he’s damn suspicious. And panicky.
Next thing I hear is the crazy screeching of the wheels, and G forces pushing me against the back door as the jamaa makes a 180 degree turn back in the direction we came from. He also activates the central locking system, as he dramatically increases speed.
My heart is beating its way out of my chest. My mind flashes back to the mullah I withdrew shrortly before boarding the cab, can’t recall how much it was but certainly a few grands, and I’m convinced this guy saw me and this is definitely a hijacking. Still panicky, he mumbles something about having seen me ‘use my phone to organize with my comrades in the bush, about how we will relieve him of the car’. Unable to convince him otherwise and still gripped by terror, I swing the back door open with the vehicle still in motion but now slowing down to about 60Kph because of the traffic piling up ahead. I miraculously leap out even as he pulls some zig zag maneuvers in an attempt to either crush me with the back wheels or deter me from getting out.
Now safely out of the ‘hijacker’s’ grasp, I start my long trek towards Thika Rd., patting myself on the back for the daring move I’d just pulled in full view of other motorists and pedestrians using the road.
But little did I know that the drama was just getting started.
The nightmare continues, as I see the same car speeding in my direction, but now with two AK wielding policemen among its occupants. They spot me and corner me alongside the bushes of Kiambu Rd. Karauz disembark and loudly cock their AKs, taking aim and demanding I kneel down and raise my hands.
Kamsee kumbe kalienda CID headquarters, now DCI, and reported that a car jacker had just tried to relieve him of his car.
Realizing that my life is slowly beginning to slip away I comply. They close in on me and cuff me. I am then quickly bundled in the back seat sandwiched between the two mofos, and driven to DCI.
They ransack my mzigos, finding nothing. Obviously. But ultimately what saves me is that I was working for a multinational at the time, and the head of security at that organization was at one time one of the most senior policemen in Nairobi. I made some calls and nearly had those guys fired. Left the cab guy akijitetea huko DCI.
The lale now starts calling and texting, wondering why I was taking so long :D…little did she know how things had taken a drastic turn for the worse since we last spoke! We never met.
That Saturday evening, when I got home I realized just how brief life in this world can be. Yenyewe the saying live each day as if it is your last really sunk in that day.
He he he, toanga sadaka
some consolation:)
kuma haina sura,kama sio mental case, hakuna kitu ya kuwa ashamed about
On my way home after drinking spree I gave a buddy and two gels a ride. I was to drop them along the way. I dropped them along the way(so I thought) and drove home.
Morning the PM screams vile siku hizi hata naleta lanye kwa Nyumba…kumbe one on the ladies seated back seat alibreak nakulala so while others were alighting she was left behind…the pm found her sleeping in the morning kwa gari…it was a long Sunday
five green emojis
Ni venye tu haezi admit alichunishwa skuma
Hii ni uwongo
Keep them coming ,Mungu anapenda watu wake that is all i can say
Hehe buda nakujua…kumbe unakuanga hizi streets? Shit im going to be very careful with my hekayas from now onwards.
I don’t think so…I only knw one talker here who knows me in person but he doesn’t know namtabua
Hehe sawasawa