There was a time when some members thought they made Kenyatalk great when in actual sense it was our esteemed village that made them. The first was one Deorro. We give him all credit for creating this kijiji, though we must also acknowledge that he was incredibly lucky. He happened to have a ready alternative when our sweet old *** disappeared without warning. Us orphans flocked to this place seeking reassuarance that everything would be alright. We thought we’d only spend a few days/weeks here before Klist came back online, but alas, it wasn’t to be.
Heneway, once Ktalk became successful, ujaluo caught up with Deorro. The boy became arrogant, was always PMSing, and picking petty fights with other talkers. I don’t know how @Purple convinced him to sell the kijiji to her, must have been a sweet deal he couldn’t turn down. Maybe he convinced himuselefu that he would take the money, then use a fraction of it to open a rival, better version and keep receiving those adsense dollars. I think it’s safe to say that the other village is a total flop. A dusty remote trading centre where old men meet to relive their youth and convince themselves they’re still useful to society.
Over the 5 or so years we’ve been here, other talkers have appeared who thought the sun shined out of their asscracks, only to find out later on than nobody actually gives a shiet. They include:
[ol]
[li]@Meria Mata : This guy used to regale us with his exploits as a truck driver. He somehow also had the time to do regular cheki maneno, install FTA, and post breaking news. I never understood how one person could do all those things, but he did. He coined terms such as msedes and endeared himself to talkers especially with hilarious stories from his hustler days. Nowadays he’s a master of kujiongelesha.[/li][li]@Introvert : A talker who joined as a quiet member (hence the choice of handle), then started commenting once in a while. His big break came when he started drawing cartoons, which were loaded with humorous narrations. He became an instant celeb. His threads would receive hundreds of likes, especially the popular “gunia wiki hii” series. It wasn’t unusual for other talkers to urge him to “weka hii kwa gunia” when they came across a funny thread, comment, or outright sweep. At some point, the power must have gotten to his head. He must have likened his pencils to the pied piper’s magic flute. All he had to do was hold them aloft, which would make all of us “children” immediately abandon our kenyatalk accounts and sign up in the next kijiji. Lakini waaaapi?[/li][li]@FieldMarshal CouchP : His self-given title of most intelligent talker (MIT) tells you all you need to know. Our dear guka craves attention. That’s why he enjoys exploring “controversial” topics that elicit emotional reactions, such as African stupidity, unsustainable population growth, atheism, and general bonoboism. Give him credit, fellow talkers, for coining the word “bonobo” as used in the Kenyatalk context. Anyway, over the past few weeks, the need for attention got so bad that he had to start posting here again.[/li][li]@gashwin : No matter their race, creed, colour, gender, sexual orientation, and education level, all members unanimously agree that Gashwin was the idlest taker. Other than taking offence at any criticism of the Jubilee administration, he’d contribute to tens of threads per day. One day he made the mistake of posting his lunch, some rice and boiled cabbages without any hint of meat. @T.Vercetti predictably seized the opportunity to launch a vicious and sustained attack. He would post that photo on every single thread. Finally, the harassment caused our mwalimu to log out of kenyatalk, allegedly for good. He claimed he’ll never come back, but we all know he chungulias the kijiji.[/li][/ol]
There it is folks, my list of talkers who once thought they were the shit and the urine, but who currently occupy the dustbin of history. This is a cautionary tale to current members. You’re only as relevant as your last thread/comment/post. Usijione bazu saaanaaa. In the grand scheme of things, you’re a nobody. Mushienzi.