The devil called diarrhea

[The_Virus]

He he. I rarely get diarrhea or even stomach upsets na vile mimi hukula takataka mingi za street si mei, si mutura si mandizi choma

[Yollo]

@gashwin

mid 90s. saturday out in isebania. guiness kubwa ni kama zinaisha with a types of nyamas from matumbo choma, fry, nyama choma, fry boilo and a digestive aid popular with kisiis called obosontoto…needless to say at one time i realized i was too drunk to drive back to kehancha, my friends drove the company pickup to the police station, gave me a lift…
sunday morning we woke up a bit late, girlfriend ndiye huyo ati there is milk there you can take…this is thick zebu cow milk. i remember where i left car. quick shower, a mug of cold milk, out by the roadside, a pickup face-me matatu to migori. just before migori i feel the first churururururu in the stomach. alight pickup in migori and nissan for isebania. just before it leaves something tells me i should alight and seek toilet first but i’ve already paid; and i think i can brave the ten to 15 min journey…
just after matatu starts moving i feel hapaaana. a ka-thin sweat is trickling off my face and down my spine…reaching subakuria market i tell dereva wacha nishuke. dash from shop to shop…hakuna tissue. finally i say kama mbaya mbaya. i dash into a pub and head straight to the backyard for the toilet…the toilet is there, alright, but locked with chain and padlock…
mad dash back to counter for key…another padlock. bartender ametoka. dash back to loo, kick door reggae squad style…first liquid spurts…door flies off its hinges…oooooh there is the gloryhole…i splashed. enough said. the ngotha simply had to go, as my two hangkies…

in short guiness and lactose intolerance si mchezo…

Y z the door always locked when umekazwa:D:D

[bjurmann]

@gashwin

mid 90s. saturday out in isebania. guiness kubwa ni kama zinaisha with a types of nyamas from matumbo choma, fry, nyama choma, fry boilo and a digestive aid popular with kisiis called obosontoto…needless to say at one time i realized i was too drunk to drive back to kehancha, my friends drove the company pickup to the police station, gave me a lift…
sunday morning we woke up a bit late, girlfriend ndiye huyo ati there is milk there you can take…this is thick zebu cow milk. i remember where i left car. quick shower, a mug of cold milk, out by the roadside, a pickup face-me matatu to migori. just before migori i feel the first churururururu in the stomach. alight pickup in migori and nissan for isebania. just before it leaves something tells me i should alight and seek toilet first but i’ve already paid; and i think i can brave the ten to 15 min journey…
just after matatu starts moving i feel hapaaana. a ka-thin sweat is trickling off my face and down my spine…reaching subakuria market i tell dereva wacha nishuke. dash from shop to shop…hakuna tissue. finally i say kama mbaya mbaya. i dash into a pub and head straight to the backyard for the toilet…the toilet is there, alright, but locked with chain and padlock…
mad dash back to counter for key…another padlock. bartender ametoka. dash back to loo, kick door reggae squad style…first liquid spurts…door flies off its hinges…oooooh there is the gloryhole…i splashed. enough said. the ngotha simply had to go, as my two hangkies…

in short guiness and lactose intolerance si mchezo…

He he he…

[vuja_de]

@Yollo

Y z the door always locked when umekazwa:D:D

Mavi’s Law

[bluetooth]

During kcpe mtu ulikuwa inapikiwa chakula hukulangi kila siku.so that day we were doing the maths paper,the previous supper nilikuwa nimejibonda chapo na beans ,morning nika sunda more chapatis,wacha tupewe paper ,tumbo ilianza ,nika, ignore,15 minutes later,sikuweza vumilia nika inua mkono,that mama aka nishow nivumilie,nikaamka mbio mpaka kwa mlango,haifunguki nikarudi mbio kwa dirisha ,kumbe nizile za grills,tena mbio now holding my ass na mkono moja zisimwagike,mlango bado inakataa,the class ikapasua ndo one of my fellow pupil akani okolea,nilikimbia mbio hadi loo na nizile primo loo ziko like 5miles away,sikuwa na tishu,so I used my innerwear, after finishing,kurudi class,I was greeted with more laughter.they didn’t laugh when the results zilitokea

[Jirani]

@The_Virus

He he. I rarely get diarrhea or even stomach upsets na vile mimi hukula takataka mingi za street si mei, si mutura si mandizi choma

Hata mm. Not that sipatangi bt hizo road side diarrhoea sijawai Pata. Ati ile umekula kitu one hour or less ago unapata mharo…ah ah not me. Hawa wenye upata ni watu wakiwa watoi wazazi wao hawakuwa wanawapatia balanced diet. Walikuwa watoto ma kwashiorkor hivi.

[system]

@Jirani

Kuna mungiki moja ilipatikana pale cemetery in mombasa akishonde. Aliambiwa ashikilie hio meffi na mkono while shining his eyes.…nilicheka yangu yote after watching that vid.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[bjurmann]

Mimi Kuna time ndani ya Coast Bus nilianza kuchukua Tu matter core kando na kuachilia mishuto ya gas from Mazeras all the way mpaka pahali tumbo iliacha kuvimba. Wahindi nilikuwa naskia wakisema…“again?” Nami najiambia Ki moyo moyo “…imbeni Tu lakini hii gas lazma iishe” After kindu ten minutes naanza kulegeza clutch pole pole.

[Grundy]

@gashwin

mid 90s. saturday out in isebania. guiness kubwa ni kama zinaisha with a types of nyamas from matumbo choma, fry, nyama choma, fry boilo and a digestive aid popular with kisiis called obosontoto…needless to say at one time i realized i was too drunk to drive back to kehancha, my friends drove the company pickup to the police station, gave me a lift…
sunday morning we woke up a bit late, girlfriend ndiye huyo ati there is milk there you can take…this is thick zebu cow milk. i remember where i left car. quick shower, a mug of cold milk, out by the roadside, a pickup face-me matatu to migori. just before migori i feel the first churururururu in the stomach. alight pickup in migori and nissan for isebania. just before it leaves something tells me i should alight and seek toilet first but i’ve already paid; and i think i can brave the ten to 15 min journey…
just after matatu starts moving i feel hapaaana. a ka-thin sweat is trickling off my face and down my spine…reaching subakuria market i tell dereva wacha nishuke. dash from shop to shop…hakuna tissue. finally i say kama mbaya mbaya. i dash into a pub and head straight to the backyard for the toilet…the toilet is there, alright, but locked with chain and padlock…
mad dash back to counter for key…another padlock. bartender ametoka. dash back to loo, kick door reggae squad style…first liquid spurts…door flies off its hinges…oooooh there is the gloryhole…i splashed. enough said. the ngotha simply had to go, as my two hangkies…

in short guiness and lactose intolerance si mchezo…

[ATTACH=full]26921[/ATTACH]

[nairobilay]

@bluetooth

During kcpe mtu ulikuwa inapikiwa chakula hukulangi kila siku.so that day we were doing the maths paper,the previous supper nilikuwa nimejibonda chapo na beans ,morning nika sunda more chapatis,wacha tupewe paper ,tumbo ilianza ,nika, ignore,15 minutes later,sikuweza vumilia nika inua mkono,that mama aka nishow nivumilie,nikaamka mbio mpaka kwa mlango,haifunguki nikarudi mbio kwa dirisha ,kumbe nizile za grills,tena mbio now holding my ass na mkono moja zisimwagike,mlango bado inakataa,the class ikapasua ndo one of my fellow pupil akani okolea,nilikimbia mbio hadi loo na nizile primo loo ziko like 5miles away,sikuwa na tishu,so I used my innerwear, after finishing,kurudi class,I was greeted with more laughter.they didn’t laugh when the results zilitokea

Inakaa hiyo ngotha ilikuwa mwakenya. Halafu ukadestroy evidence

[Dodi]

[QUOTE=" i went behind a bush and dropped a deuce that would have let any animal know that there is a new king of the savannah.[/QUOTE]

[ATTACH=full]26922[/ATTACH]

[Ice_Cube]

hahaha nacheka tu na mimi tumbo at the moment imechokorwa kabisa

[Dodi]

@gashwin

in short guiness and lactose intolerance si mchezo…

Hii kali!

[Chiefkiumbe]

@bjurmann

Tu matter core

:D:D

[Mathaais]

@The_Virus

He he. I rarely get diarrhea or even stomach upsets na vile mimi hukula takataka mingi za street si mei, si mutura si mandizi choma

Hapo niko kama wewe, by the time I get a stomach upset I will have eaten some really bad stuff.

[Stick-Up_Kid]

The rule while traveling is you should avoid taking yogurt sold along Naivasha - Nakuru highway. Those guys making it want to profit so they rarely let the culture mix well with the milk to produce yogurt. So this day I am on my way to Eldoret and decide to buy a packet of yogurt, extra thick. Along the way, I am reminded that I never really eat in public transport vehicles, but my hunger gets stronger and I choose to make this one time the exception. So I chapilia my double straws in the thing and pull at it like crazy. I am done in seven minutes and belch kiasi to annoy the demons of hunger. Kumbe they had their issues and had selected me to settle them on. It doesn’t take long and I hear my stomach rumbling. It must’ve been the devil himsel coz I thought I had taken enough yogurt to cater even for the minyoo in my tummy. Maybe they were the ones cheering in happiness. Wapi. Minutes later, my face is drenched in sweat. I can’t even breath properly. The rumble in the tummy has by now developed into a full painful session where I feel like some of the minyoo are sticking a big ass knife into my stomach wall. Eh, the chic to my right can tell something is wrong, and asks, “Uko poa?” I just manage a cool “yeps” and keep staring ahead so she doesn’t suspect a thing.
Eh, the next seven minutes seem like one and a half hours, and a brother cannot even catch a break. My butt cheeks appear to be held together only by hope that we get to the next stop soon enough. They can barely hold each other together but are still doing a good job since I cannot break wind juu I will kill the image I have already developed with my cool spray and composed demeanor. Mharo haina respect. Marashi na demeanor ya watu wa kwenyu. Time and again, I keep opening the window so the wind can sooth my now hot and sweaty face. My palms appear to have gotten watery along the way too. They never sweat. Not even when they should. Hee, the mzee seated behind me touches my shoulders and asks, “Ulikunwa yogurt pale nyuma?”. I wonder how he knew. I just nod in the affirmative and the next thing I hear is, “Dereva, saidia huyu nduku yetu anaumia hapa”. The driver eases on the accelerator and pulls over. I jump out of the shuttle and hop into the first available shrubbery, however thin. Reachign huko, my butt cheeks must be happy and they let out all the stuff they were holding. Kumbe it is just wind. All this while I felt like the grandma of all mharos was waiting for me, kumbe it was just a lot of air… baada ya dakika kama tano hivi, I come back more comfortable and composed. I cannot believe that the acid in one’s tummy can make them so uncomfortable. Ndio that mzee explains my misery. He appears very knowledgeable and I later gather that he is a lecturer somewhere in LD. Couldn’t look at the chic hapo to my right for the remaining part of the journey. I could already see her smiling in my head, so I avoided eye contact mpaka tukafika.
NKT.

[Purr_27]

@bjurmann

Mimi Kuna time ndani ya Coast Bus nilianza kuchukua Tu matter core kando na kuachilia mishuto ya gas from Mazeras all the way mpaka pahali tumbo iliacha kuvimba. Wahindi nilikuwa naskia wakisema…“again?” Nami najiambia Ki moyo moyo “…imbeni Tu lakini hii gas lazma iishe” After kindu ten minutes naanza kulegeza clutch pole pole.

Ha ha ha ha…

[Mboco]

Heheeee, imagine ukipatwa na hiyo shida siku ya harusi? A quote from a ktalker, sijui kama ni @meriamata ama ni @Wakanyama

[nairobilay]

[quote=“Dodi, post:31, topic:71908”]

@" i went behind a bush and dropped a deuce that would have let any animal know that there is a new king of the savannah.[/QUOTE

[ATTACH=full]26922[/ATTACH]

Y-front tena? Boxer manze!

[Grundy]

@Stick-Up Kid

The rule while traveling is you should avoid taking yogurt sold along Naivasha - Nakuru highway. Those guys making it want to profit so they rarely let the culture mix well with the milk to produce yogurt. So this day I am on my way to Eldoret and decide to buy a packet of yogurt, extra thick. Along the way, I am reminded that I never really eat in public transport vehicles, but my hunger gets stronger and I choose to make this one time the exception. So I chapilia my double straws in the thing and pull at it like crazy. I am done in seven minutes and belch kiasi to annoy the demons of hunger. Kumbe they had their issues and had selected me to settle them on. It doesn’t take long and I hear my stomach rumbling. It must’ve been the devil himsel coz I thought I had taken enough yogurt to cater even for the minyoo in my tummy. Maybe they were the ones cheering in happiness. Wapi. Minutes later, my face is drenched in sweat. I can’t even breath properly. The rumble in the tummy has by now developed into a full painful session where I feel like some of the minyoo are sticking a big ass knife into my stomach wall. Eh, the chic to my right can tell something is wrong, and asks, “Uko poa?” I just manage a cool “yeps” and keep staring ahead so she doesn’t suspect a thing.
Eh, the next seven minutes seem like one and a half hours, and a brother cannot even catch a break. My butt cheeks appear to be held together only by hope that we get to the next stop soon enough. They can barely hold each other together but are still doing a good job since I cannot break wind juu I will kill the image I have already developed with my cool spray and composed demeanor. Mharo haina respect. Marashi na demeanor ya watu wa kwenyu. Time and again, I keep opening the window so the wind can sooth my now hot and sweaty face. My palms appear to have gotten watery along the way too. They never sweat. Not even when they should. Hee, the mzee seated behind me touches my shoulders and asks, “Ulikunwa yogurt pale nyuma?”. I wonder how he knew. I just nod in the affirmative and the next thing I hear is, “Dereva, saidia huyu nduku yetu anaumia hapa”. The driver eases on the accelerator and pulls over. I jump out of the shuttle and hop into the first available shrubbery, however thin. Reachign huko, my butt cheeks must be happy and they let out all the stuff they were holding. Kumbe it is just wind. All this while I felt like the grandma of all mharos was waiting for me, kumbe it was just a lot of air… baada ya dakika kama tano hivi, I come back more comfortable and composed. I cannot believe that the acid in one’s tummy can make them so uncomfortable. Ndio that mzee explains my misery. He appears very knowledgeable and I later gather that he is a lecturer somewhere in LD. Couldn’t look at the chic hapo to my right for the remaining part of the journey. I could already see her smiling in my head, so I avoided eye contact mpaka tukafika.
NKT.

Nice hekaya but kama haukuhara it doesn’t count