This is Guka - Of Barasa, the Luhya Who Made Elephant History, and Random Egg Stories........

gashwin · July 16, 2019, 3:17am

Ndio huyo mjamaa umewekewa na ngabu hapo juu.

Ken_Sarro · July 16, 2019, 3:51am

gashwin:

Now allow me to put some living, breathing, human beings into this story.
Former Nation Nyahururu correspondent Mugo Njeru was having a beer with some medic friends when one of them told of a patient who had been brought in severely injured by an elephant. The patient, a herdsman called Barasa, had seen a herd of elephants when he decided to see them up close.
He was not lucky though as he was trampled. It is one wag who said that Barasa was trying to milk the elephant which said in Kikuyu simply means he had done a foolish thing. Mugo, though, a Mumbeere from Kiambeere, with a few Tuskers in the head, got inspired and got a lead for his next days story. That is how Barasa ended up on the front page of the Nation.
Mugo was to later become the Nation Bureau Chief and later “retired” from the media house and went into private business.
He was to on the news again when a few years ago he emerged when he came up with a story that he had flown to Mombasa to take Lands Commission Chair Swazuri a one million shillings mbuzi so that Swazuri could give him a favourable compensation for a piece of land affected by SGR. He came out coz apparently Swazuri never kept his side of the bargain despite eating the Mbuzi. Sijui hayo maneno yaliishia wapi.

Mugo Njeri is non other than the old geezer couchp.

LuandaMagere · July 16, 2019, 8:17am

You look like you do coz you have an affinity to maziwa … if we rearrange your name it turns to ‘[SIZE=6]milk[/SIZE][SIZE=5]e[/SIZE]’

[ATTACH=full]248550[/ATTACH]

ChifuMbitika · July 16, 2019, 3:51pm

Mimi nilikamua Simba na sikuambia MTU yeyote!

Giggz · July 17, 2019, 3:10pm

This morning the BBC had a very interesting programme on how human started domesticating plants and animals. Scientists say it started in Asia. I donbilivit, but that’s another story.

It reminded me of a Bukusu called Barasa working in Sentro whose story was reported in the 1990s. Apparently the guy was walking home one day when he came across a female elephant with a nursing calf. Being not too stupid nor too clever, Barasa put two and two together; an elephant is just like a cow, only bigger. Its tits are gigantic. So - Barasa reasoned - it must carry a lot of milk! And lots of milk? Chai pwana, chai mingi!

LIGHT BULB moment!

Barasa took off and came back with a huge green plastic bucket, and then slowly, slooooooooooooooooowly, approached the female elephant from behind. He was going to milk it. Tutei is tutei, he told himself, leo tunakunyweko chai ya maziwa ya ntovu, siyo strungi!

Ole wake.

No sooner had he touched the first tit than the startled elephant lifted its trunk and gave one terrified cry. Looking back the elephant saw Barasa cowering behind a huge green bucket between its legs and thought, shit, what the ferk is this shit doing with my baby’s milk? It gave the poor dude a mighty kick and took off like a bat from hell, terrified at the milk rustler, never to be seen again those sides (rumours say it was last spotted high-tailing it to the Congo).

Barasa lived to tell the tale, from a hospital bed, with a few broken ribs. It was later rumoured that the only milk he drinks now is from his wife’s left breast (like most Luhyas anyway).

Which brings me to a question I have always wanted to ask; the FIRST guy who ate an egg, what was he thinking? Alikaa hapo, akaona jogoo imepandilia kuku ikamwaga ndani ndaaaaaaaani, halafu a few minutes later kuku ikatega yai kutoka kwa ‘mcoondu’. Yeye na kiherehere yake akachukua yai akaingalia halafu akaichemsha, akaongeza kachumbari na kachumvi akakula.

WHAT WAS THE DUDE THINKING EXACTLY?

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D