Ukienda Shimo

[Pos_i.Don]

for a moment there nilidhani ulikuwa unasema shimo la tewa:eek::eek::Dsikuwa naelewa how unatoka msa kuja nai kula supper

[Mzee_mzima]

I used to watch lock up on msnbc…It’s a progi for inmates… Man seeing them tell their stories taught me so much… Look it up

[jefari]

Mi tangu sheria ya mututho zikam nime bambwa mara mingi sahizi matoke(ocs buru buru) ananijua hadi jina

[Bingwa_Scrotum]

@Mundu Mulosi

I have been in the police cells thrice, first time I was doing my K.c.s.e, second time traffic cops in Bungoma and third time traffic cops in Nairobi, huko ndani hakuna Bingwa.

Ni ukweli; sijawahi lala ndani

[Bingwa_Scrotum]

@le scumbag

Am back. Picture this.
You get into an altercation with Kanju askaris and you find yourself spending a night in a police cell. Friendly cops you know including a DOCS can not help you sababu wewe ni mtu wa kanju.
The following day you are before a county court judge who lets you off with a 30K cash bail. And a date with her in a month’s time.
In the court’s holding cells you meet characters from Shimo la Tewa who are too willing to get to know you because they think you can not raise the bail amount. This is because there are guys destined to Shimo coz they could not raise a two thousand shillings fine. The same guys had no qualms preparing sausage like packages of roaster cigarettes which they inserted up their sewage tracts with no shame “ukienda Shimo dini waiacha kwa gate” one white kanzu clad guy said. He had six packages up his anus. It was embarrassing to watch but we did with embarrassed fascination.
With all the stories these guys had,from how they make alcohol from potatoes and bread,to one filterless cigarette costing fifty bob and being equal to one weeks rice ration,one thing stood out. Prisoners have a healthy fear of women and small girls.
They told of guys who are in jail coz the patted a woman’s shoulder and she screamed rape. One guy said,“ukiona mtoto wa kischana,hata kama amepotea njia,bro,wachana na yeye”
The lessons I learnt between Sunday night and Monday evening will live with me for the rest of my life.

Mbica sina. Ningepiga receipt ya cash bail picha lakini bibi ameikwamilia…

kuna siku nilitishiwa na buda ya manzi, nilikaa for a whole week nikiangalia gate ya job

[mundu_mulosi]

@Bingwa Scrotum

Ni ukweli; sijawahi lala ndani

Jinga hii.

[gashwin]

@kush yule mnono

Nilikuwa juu ya ma.headphone sikuskia firimbi ikilia.

ujue headphones zinaweza fanya hata ugongwe na nduthi…:D:D:D:D

[gashwin]

By the way mimi pia sijawahi lala cell…the only time ningelala at Kehancha for orchestrating the stealing of tobacco nilisikia OCS akiuliza Sergeant, “Ati ni nani huyo mumeshika? Kwani hamjui wale watu wa kushika?”

[le_scumbag]

@mollisleloaded

for a moment there nilidhani ulikuwa unasema shimo la tewa:eek::eek::Dsikuwa naelewa how unatoka msa kuja nai kula supper

I am talking of Shimo La Tewa. The prison in Shanzu.

[Mr_Black]

@gashwin

ujue headphones zinaweza fanya hata ugongwe na nduthi…:D:D:D:D

Guka spot on, hahahaa

[bubudui]

@le scumbag

Thank you all. A small issue of forgetting to renew a business license got me locked up.
And something else. The Shimo guys know for real that the government is facing a cash crunch. They talked of having two main meal a day instead of the usual three,breakfast n dinner that is usually taken at around 6pm…ukichelewa that’s it. No dinner for you.

Si ungewaambia wewe ni ‘Village Elder?’ Sorry, my bad. Sio wewe ni yule bingwa mwengine.

[mabenda4]

Pole bro. Once a cop tells u happ kwa Ob.,."gichana toa giatu na musjipi " ujaja huisha happ hapo.

[byro]

A friend of mine(actually @Nostradumbass) back then once told me ukienda prison just ingia kama una mahasira… Then ask nani mkubwa, msee akikupointia ama kuangalia jamaa, don’t hesitate. (the dude had spent few months in prison over someones daughter) Sprint towards him umrukie heda kadhaa na ngumi za tumbo. Little did I know that shit would be applicable few months later.

Aug 2009 ngara, ndo huyo mimi mtaani jamaa ameninyang’anya fon. Being my first time kuibiwa ikabidi niwafuate mbio na mawe nikiscream wezi. Nikaingia down alley kwa ufala wangu nkiwatupia mawe. Guys sijui walitoka wapi wakanigeukia na kuanza same song.

Kuona kifo huyo mbio and this time now more guys were after my neck. Good thing polisi walikuanga wanapita nikaenda kama nmewahug. It was like a mexican soap.

Ffd to cell : sijai kuwa to any prison ama cell either visit or shit but i was here! . I have heard of watu kuchapwa boot. I wasn’t going to allow that shit, so ikabidi nijipange na few advice i had… Take out the boss…

Mathariaka.!!! I could have known that the little bastard took advantage of his scenario and added some movie stuff. Nmeingia cell na kifua am like, nani boss hapa??!.. A huge sleepy guy na accidented face just turned and looked around lazily[am sure he couldn’t knw what was happening] . Mimi huyo na kelele yako nikashoot… Head na teke ya kichwa(of course guy was sleeping). Before niongezee slaps na sweep, nikajiskia juu juu… Fuck the crew. Anyway kichapo nlipata, karibu nilishwe chopper(that toilet basin as was known ).
Nliokolewa na polisi. Day later nkatolewa and i was like, fuck, was it worth.

But these weird things i have done are what makes guys find me funny… Out of ignorance and alot of stupidity, i pile the best of my journal.

[bubudui]

@byro

A friend of mine(actually @Nostradumbass) back then once told me ukienda prison just ingia kama una mahasira… Then ask nani mkubwa, msee akikupointia ama kuangalia jamaa, don’t hesitate. (the dude had spent few months in prison over someones daughter) Sprint towards him umrukie heda kadhaa na ngumi za tumbo. Little did I know that shit would be applicable few months later.

Aug 2009 ngara, ndo huyo mimi mtaani jamaa ameninyang’anya fon. Being my first time kuibiwa ikabidi niwafuate mbio na mawe nikiscream wezi. Nikaingia down alley kwa ufala wangu nkiwatupia mawe. Guys sijui walitoka wapi wakanigeukia na kuanza same song.

Kuona kifo huyo mbio and this time now more guys were after my neck. Good thing polisi walikuanga wanapita nikaenda kama nmewahug. It was like a mexican soap.

Ffd to cell : sijai kuwa to any prison ama cell either visit or shit but i was here! . I have heard of watu kuchapwa boot. I wasn’t going to allow that shit, so ikabidi nijipange na few advice i had… Take out the boss…

Mathariaka.!!! I could have known that the little bastard took advantage of his scenario and added some movie stuff. Nmeingia cell na kifua am like, nani boss hapa??!.. A huge sleepy guy na accidented face just turned and looked around lazily[am sure he couldn’t knw what was happening] . Mimi huyo na kelele yako nikashoot… Head na teke ya kichwa(of course guy was sleeping). Before niongezee slaps na sweep, nikajiskia juu juu… fk the crew. Anyway kichapo nlipata, karibu nilishwe chopper(that toilet basin as was known ).
Nliokolewa na polisi. Day later nkatolewa and i was like, fk, was it worth.

But these weird things i have done are what makes guys find me funny… Out of ignorance and alot of stupidity, i pile the best of my journal.

Hii ina deserve hekaya yake kivyake.

[Bark]

@byro

A friend of mine(actually @Nostradumbass) back then once told me ukienda prison just ingia kama una mahasira… Then ask nani mkubwa, msee akikupointia ama kuangalia jamaa, don’t hesitate. (the dude had spent few months in prison over someones daughter) Sprint towards him umrukie heda kadhaa na ngumi za tumbo. Little did I know that shit would be applicable few months later.

Aug 2009 ngara, ndo huyo mimi mtaani jamaa ameninyang’anya fon. Being my first time kuibiwa ikabidi niwafuate mbio na mawe nikiscream wezi. Nikaingia down alley kwa ufala wangu nkiwatupia mawe. Guys sijui walitoka wapi wakanigeukia na kuanza same song.

Kuona kifo huyo mbio and this time now more guys were after my neck. Good thing polisi walikuanga wanapita nikaenda kama nmewahug. It was like a mexican soap.

Ffd to cell : sijai kuwa to any prison ama cell either visit or shit but i was here! . I have heard of watu kuchapwa boot. I wasn’t going to allow that shit, so ikabidi nijipange na few advice i had… Take out the boss…

Mathariaka.!!! I could have known that the little bastard took advantage of his scenario and added some movie stuff. Nmeingia cell na kifua am like, nani boss hapa??!.. A huge sleepy guy na accidented face just turned and looked around lazily[am sure he couldn’t knw what was happening] . Mimi huyo na kelele yako nikashoot… Head na teke ya kichwa(of course guy was sleeping). Before niongezee slaps na sweep, nikajiskia juu juu… fk the crew. Anyway kichapo nlipata, karibu nilishwe chopper(that toilet basin as was known ).
Nliokolewa na polisi. Day later nkatolewa and i was like, fk, was it worth.

But these weird things i have done are what makes guys find me funny… Out of ignorance and alot of stupidity, i pile the best of my journal.

Haha u can’t make this stuff up… a toast to you ninja!

[uwesmake]

@byro

A friend of mine(actually @Nostradumbass) back then once told me ukienda prison just ingia kama una mahasira… Then ask nani mkubwa, msee akikupointia ama kuangalia jamaa, don’t hesitate. (the dude had spent few months in prison over someones daughter) Sprint towards him umrukie heda kadhaa na ngumi za tumbo. Little did I know that shit would be applicable few months later.

Aug 2009 ngara, ndo huyo mimi mtaani jamaa ameninyang’anya fon. Being my first time kuibiwa ikabidi niwafuate mbio na mawe nikiscream wezi. Nikaingia down alley kwa ufala wangu nkiwatupia mawe. Guys sijui walitoka wapi wakanigeukia na kuanza same song.

Kuona kifo huyo mbio and this time now more guys were after my neck. Good thing polisi walikuanga wanapita nikaenda kama nmewahug. It was like a mexican soap.

Ffd to cell : sijai kuwa to any prison ama cell either visit or shit but i was here! . I have heard of watu kuchapwa boot. I wasn’t going to allow that shit, so ikabidi nijipange na few advice i had… Take out the boss…

Mathariaka.!!! I could have known that the little bastard took advantage of his scenario and added some movie stuff. Nmeingia cell na kifua am like, nani boss hapa??!.. A huge sleepy guy na accidented face just turned and looked around lazily[am sure he couldn’t knw what was happening] . Mimi huyo na kelele yako nikashoot… Head na teke ya kichwa(of course guy was sleeping). Before niongezee slaps na sweep, nikajiskia juu juu… fk the crew. Anyway kichapo nlipata, karibu nilishwe chopper(that toilet basin as was known ).
Nliokolewa na polisi. Day later nkatolewa and i was like, fk, was it worth.

But these weird things i have done are what makes guys find me funny… Out of ignorance and alot of stupidity, i pile the best of my journal.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

[Purr_27]

@byro

A friend of mine(actually @Nostradumbass) back then once told me ukienda prison just ingia kama una mahasira… Then ask nani mkubwa, msee akikupointia ama kuangalia jamaa, don’t hesitate. (the dude had spent few months in prison over someones daughter) Sprint towards him umrukie heda kadhaa na ngumi za tumbo. Little did I know that shit would be applicable few months later.

Aug 2009 ngara, ndo huyo mimi mtaani jamaa ameninyang’anya fon. Being my first time kuibiwa ikabidi niwafuate mbio na mawe nikiscream wezi. Nikaingia down alley kwa ufala wangu nkiwatupia mawe. Guys sijui walitoka wapi wakanigeukia na kuanza same song.

Kuona kifo huyo mbio and this time now more guys were after my neck. Good thing polisi walikuanga wanapita nikaenda kama nmewahug. It was like a mexican soap.

Ffd to cell : sijai kuwa to any prison ama cell either visit or shit but i was here! . I have heard of watu kuchapwa boot. I wasn’t going to allow that shit, so ikabidi nijipange na few advice i had… Take out the boss…

Mathariaka.!!! I could have known that the little bastard took advantage of his scenario and added some movie stuff. Nmeingia cell na kifua am like, nani boss hapa??!.. A huge sleepy guy na accidented face just turned and looked around lazily[am sure he couldn’t knw what was happening] . Mimi huyo na kelele yako nikashoot… Head na teke ya kichwa(of course guy was sleeping). Before niongezee slaps na sweep, nikajiskia juu juu… fk the crew. Anyway kichapo nlipata, karibu nilishwe chopper(that toilet basin as was known ).
Nliokolewa na polisi. Day later nkatolewa and i was like, fk, was it worth.

But these weird things i have done are what makes guys find me funny… Out of ignorance and alot of stupidity, i pile the best of my journal.

hauko serious…

[le_scumbag]

@Purr_27

hauko serious…

@Purr_27 Madam, @byro has never been more serious.
What saved my ass was the fact that I argued with the e cop when I was being frisked before getting into the cell. That led to me getting in with my two sandals,my belt and my spects. The cop was like ‘you know this can be a weapon’ referring to my glasses. I was like 'mimi bila spects ndo nitakuwa weapon"…the guy just let me in. Those I found inside gave me a wide berth after that. I got a corner all to myself. Kujifurisha lazima lakini mtu hujifurisha na ujanja si kama ninja @byro

[Ice_Cube]

@byro

Good thing polisi walikuanga wanapita nikaenda kama nmewahug. It was like a mexican soap.

:D:D:D

[byro]

@Purr_27

hauko serious…

Mbona madam… With little advice and lots of fear/confusion running through your system, farting aint the solution. Remember you are in that cell kama suspected mwizi wa simu.