Waking up in unfamiliar places

[dude]

Nikiwa campo maboys wengi waliamka kwa bus za mombasa after ulevi! The first two weeks after HELB kuingia. Mwenye alivunja record alijipata border, namanga. Na alikuwa anaelewa Thika

[Okwonkwo]

hehehe hekaya swaff.

[chieftm]

@The gunner

Kuna tyme tulikuwa tunaenda shags Nakuru sisi na maulevi zetu tukapata gari za naks zimeisha za nyahururu ndio zimebaki we sema baridi na ni saa kumi nyahururu na hatuna pesa ya room.

Mutha…nimekuona

[INSERTER]

@epoch

pungusa ulefi ndugu

chunga jamii yako wee!

[system]

:D:D:D:D
Funny shait.
The worst that’s happened ni tukienda Mombasa job. Wasee wamechangamkia WD40 na colleague akaongezea bangi. Tikiti tushakata, hadi tumekaa tayari ndani ya Coast Bus.
Kidogo chali anatoka kuenda kukojoa. On his way back nasikia nduru, ati ile tiger iko nyuma ya Coast Bus inajaribu kumrukia. Jamaa akakuwa violent, habembelezeki. Na hivyo ndio safari ikakatika.

[dude]

@introvert

:D:D:D:D
Funny shait.
The worst that’s happened ni tukienda Mombasa job. Wasee wamechangamkia WD40 na colleague akaongezea bangi. Tikiti tushakata, hadi tumekaa tayari ndani ya Coast Bus.
Kidogo chali anatoka kuenda kukojoa. On his way back nasikia nduru, ati ile tiger iko nyuma ya Coast Bus inajaribu kumrukia. Jamaa akakuwa violent, habembelezeki. Na hivyo ndio safari ikakatika.

:D:D:D:D
Some things never mix!

[kah_tony]

Story za ulevi bana huwa too funny.

Juzi jamaa wa job alikuwa amekosana na bibi. Tulienda kuwatch ball but after bao tatu consecutive akasema anajitoa aende home kufukuza bibi juu yeye ndio amesababisha team kukamuliwa.

[Giggz]

@Mbo-I-kamiti

Nishawahi chapa tule tu satchets tulikuwa tunauzwa fifty bob nikiwa colle. Mchana. Jua ikanichangamkia nikaanguka KO odeon.
Nilijiskia Kenyatta saa kumi za asubuhi. In short, nilipelekwa na st. John’s ambulance.
Sijawahi pata guts za kuwauliza kuliendaje jijini.

Wueh hizo satchets zilikua moto wa kuota mbali.

[cap]

@introvert

:D:D:D:D
Funny shait.
The worst that’s happened ni tukienda Mombasa job. Wasee wamechangamkia WD40 na colleague akaongezea bangi. Tikiti tushakata, hadi tumekaa tayari ndani ya Coast Bus.
Kidogo chali anatoka kuenda kukojoa. On his way back nasikia nduru, ati ile tiger iko nyuma ya Coast Bus inajaribu kumrukia. Jamaa akakuwa violent, habembelezeki. Na hivyo ndio safari ikakatika.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:Dkenyans na pombe waaa… Hope hiii wd40 si yenye nime zoea ya ku unlock ma padlocks na nuts zikiwa zjme nok juu yaa ku rust:D:D:D:D:D

[system]

@introvert

:D:D:D:D
Funny shait.
The worst that’s happened ni tukienda Mombasa job. Wasee wamechangamkia WD40 na colleague akaongezea bangi. Tikiti tushakata, hadi tumekaa tayari ndani ya Coast Bus.
Kidogo chali anatoka kuenda kukojoa. On his way back nasikia nduru, ati ile tiger iko nyuma ya Coast Bus inajaribu kumrukia. Jamaa akakuwa violent, habembelezeki. Na hivyo ndio safari ikakatika.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:eek:

[Tony90]

The biggest mistake na pombe is mixing, like vodka and whisky/beer. Not only does it increase chances of throwing up, it mainly leads to blackout.
Once took those sachet vodkas in the house then visited a friend who had whisky, vile zimeshika tukasema twende club tao, and took another different vodka. Nilishuka stairs tu oa, but kufika down I fell like a log. That’s all I remember from there. from the updates my friend gave me I got up nkasumbua all the women I could see, and took home one, didn’t even f**k her. Woke up hungry with headaches and a stranger at my side. Good thing she didn’t rob me, knowing nairobi the way it is

[SnazzyKenyan]

@Kenjatta

:D:D:D Una bahati hukukamuliwa mkia.

Alikamuliwa.hakuangalia mk

[chief_lieutenant]

@SnazzyKenyan

Alikamuliwa.hakuangalia mk

your talking from experience

[SnazzyKenyan]

Sina mood ya matusi Leo.
N for that reason

@chief lieutenant

your talking from experience

Am out

[It_s_Le_Scumbag]

@Mukite Wanameme

Nililewa siku moja na demi flani we had an on and off relatioship, saa sita tukaamua kulala kwake pale NYS. Little did we know that her real boyfriend had travelled from Kakamega and was in the house sleeping. Mimi na maulevi nilitangulia kuingia bedroom naona kimwanaume na boxers kwa kitanda. U-turn na kuslide out of that house dem amalise hiyo noma peke yake. Kufika stage ya NYS hakuna magari ya Mwiki. No. 44 ikatokea nikasema niingie nitajisort nikifika Roysambu. Jama walinipora, wakapiga U- turn pale Survey kurudi tao na wakaniacha stage ya NYS the other side, sina busfare sina simu. Nilikaa na wanafunzi wa NYS hapo gate one hour nikasema kama mbaya mbaya?

Called the lady and told her what had happened, nikaenda nikalala kwa sofa till morning, sema mwanaume kukunja mukia?

So how did you call the lady…si ulikiuwa umeporwa

[Micymas]

@chief lieutenant

three things in life make men go through a lot of shit, na hyo ni pombe, pesa na pu**y. my love for these three is unequaled. kwa watu wanapenda pombe i can bet there are times you wake up from a night of drinking, unajipata place, ata haujui uko wapi, na kama unajua uko wapi kuna vile haukumbuki ulifika aje hii place. take this one time in campus nilitoka kwa club at a time i cant remember, then the next thing naamshwa na makanga nilipe gari kable tutoke stage, apparently niliingia matatu za kuenda western nikalala wakafikiria mimi ni passenger nangoja gari ijae. fare ni mia saba, na kwa mfuko niko na pesa haiwezi fika mia, plus i know no one in western, na ni saa kumi na mbili asubuhi.

sasa there is this one time i woke up in an unfamiliar place and i almost got a heart attack. i had travelled to some new town, biashara kiasi, halafu bahati nzuri i had a friend from campus who used to live kwa hyo town. so i talk to the guy, tell him am in town for some small business, na we can catch up for some drinks later since it was on a friday. the guy tells me nisijisumbue kulipa room, i can crash at his place, then we hit the club na pesa nilikuwa nilipie room. after mashughuli, nikashika mzinga ya gilbeys, got directions and then dropped at this guys place. kukula early supper tukaanze kuteremsha hyo mzinga, by 9 ile mzinga ime run out, na sisi bado tuko sober tunashidwa form ni gani. the guys decides to return hand, akatuma msee wa boda mzinga ingine ya gilbeys. by 12 am pombe sasa imepanda, story tu niku reminisce the many girls tulikuwa tumekula in campus,

siko sure kama mzinga iliisha, but the guy suggests that we hit the club now, halafu pia i concur, juu already tulikuwa maji ile mbaya, so pia bill ingekuwa less. sasa mimi ni ule msee huwa siskii pombe kama inanilewesha until its too late na nimekunywa too much, kufika club tukadecide tutumie brown bottles atleast alcohol percentage iko chini. kwa hyo club kitu nakumbuka ni only drinking guiness nne ama tano na kununulia dame fulani drinks, with plans za kumchipo. after hapo nikama niliingia auto pilot, hadi time niliamka kesho asubuhi.

sasa time ya kuamka ndio noma ilianza. i woke up kitu 5 am still slightly drunk. kuamka hivi na kufungua macho napatana na kisogo fulani, iko na nywele fupi zimesokotana kiasi, and i am almost sure that this is my friends head. nikaturn haraka i face the other side, juu ni common knowledge if two guys should sleep on the same bed, then ni lazima their backs face each other, deviation from this means your gay. after ku turn is when i almost get a heart attack, on the floor hapo kando ya bed i see my boxer and my trousers. wallai i felt some tears begin to collect in my eyes, sasa roho inapiga mbiombio, and my mind is on overdrive wondering what the hell is going on. halafu more confirmation am in my friends house, ni the fact that i can also see my bag in some corner place niliacha usiku before we went out.

then i hear the person besides me turn, and i can tell ako awake. i hear a hand on my back and i close my eyes and clench my teeth, fighting away the urge to kill somebody. “hi, babe umeamka” ndio kitu niliskia next and i almost jumped with joy juu hyo sauti nayo ilikuwa ya geus, i turn around mbio and the first thing i ask ni mbona hauna nywele. a close look at the girl, ika jolt my memory back, nikakumbuka ni dame nilikuwa na buyia drinks jana kwa klabu. i ask her why i dont have my clothes on, akanishow tulifika nikajichocha nitafikisha threshold but nikalala ata before tumalize kumake out. i tell the girl wasiwasi alikuwa amenipatia, and she cant stop laughing, that when she leaves the bed, akaingia kwa closet and showed me hizi kofia za nywele wanawake huvaa. akaanza kunipea shitty stories vile alinyoa ku signify a new stage in her life, but she still loves how she looks with her hair on, and thats why she wears wigs. acha tuseme after hangover kuisha threshold ilifikishwa, na nikajipromise kupunguza intake yangu ya pombe.

kumbe si mimi nina hii shida pekee? Kuna time nilijipata asubuhi kwa nyumba sijui nilifika aje. I later perused my phone and found some very sugestive selfies. Ata sijui nani alipiga au simu ilikosa kuibiwa aje

[confused_villager]

@chief lieutenant

three things in life make men go through a lot of shit, na hyo ni pombe, pesa na pu**y. my love for these three is unequaled. kwa watu wanapenda pombe i can bet there are times you wake up from a night of drinking, unajipata place, ata haujui uko wapi, na kama unajua uko wapi kuna vile haukumbuki ulifika aje hii place. take this one time in campus nilitoka kwa club at a time i cant remember, then the next thing naamshwa na makanga nilipe gari kable tutoke stage, apparently niliingia matatu za kuenda western nikalala wakafikiria mimi ni passenger nangoja gari ijae. fare ni mia saba, na kwa mfuko niko na pesa haiwezi fika mia, plus i know no one in western, na ni saa kumi na mbili asubuhi.

sasa there is this one time i woke up in an unfamiliar place and i almost got a heart attack. i had travelled to some new town, biashara kiasi, halafu bahati nzuri i had a friend from campus who used to live kwa hyo town. so i talk to the guy, tell him am in town for some small business, na we can catch up for some drinks later since it was on a friday. the guy tells me nisijisumbue kulipa room, i can crash at his place, then we hit the club na pesa nilikuwa nilipie room. after mashughuli, nikashika mzinga ya gilbeys, got directions and then dropped at this guys place. kukula early supper tukaanze kuteremsha hyo mzinga, by 9 ile mzinga ime run out, na sisi bado tuko sober tunashidwa form ni gani. the guys decides to return hand, akatuma msee wa boda mzinga ingine ya gilbeys. by 12 am pombe sasa imepanda, story tu niku reminisce the many girls tulikuwa tumekula in campus,

siko sure kama mzinga iliisha, but the guy suggests that we hit the club now, halafu pia i concur, juu already tulikuwa maji ile mbaya, so pia bill ingekuwa less. sasa mimi ni ule msee huwa siskii pombe kama inanilewesha until its too late na nimekunywa too much, kufika club tukadecide tutumie brown bottles atleast alcohol percentage iko chini. kwa hyo club kitu nakumbuka ni only drinking guiness nne ama tano na kununulia dame fulani drinks, with plans za kumchipo. after hapo nikama niliingia auto pilot, hadi time niliamka kesho asubuhi.

sasa time ya kuamka ndio noma ilianza. i woke up kitu 5 am still slightly drunk. kuamka hivi na kufungua macho napatana na kisogo fulani, iko na nywele fupi zimesokotana kiasi, and i am almost sure that this is my friends head. nikaturn haraka i face the other side, juu ni common knowledge if two guys should sleep on the same bed, then ni lazima their backs face each other, deviation from this means your gay. after ku turn is when i almost get a heart attack, on the floor hapo kando ya bed i see my boxer and my trousers. wallai i felt some tears begin to collect in my eyes, sasa roho inapiga mbiombio, and my mind is on overdrive wondering what the hell is going on. halafu more confirmation am in my friends house, ni the fact that i can also see my bag in some corner place niliacha usiku before we went out.

then i hear the person besides me turn, and i can tell ako awake. i hear a hand on my back and i close my eyes and clench my teeth, fighting away the urge to kill somebody. “hi, babe umeamka” ndio kitu niliskia next and i almost jumped with joy juu hyo sauti nayo ilikuwa ya geus, i turn around mbio and the first thing i ask ni mbona hauna nywele. a close look at the girl, ika jolt my memory back, nikakumbuka ni dame nilikuwa na buyia drinks jana kwa klabu. i ask her why i dont have my clothes on, akanishow tulifika nikajichocha nitafikisha threshold but nikalala ata before tumalize kumake out. i tell the girl wasiwasi alikuwa amenipatia, and she cant stop laughing, that when she leaves the bed, akaingia kwa closet and showed me hizi kofia za nywele wanawake huvaa. akaanza kunipea shitty stories vile alinyoa ku signify a new stage in her life, but she still loves how she looks with her hair on, and thats why she wears wigs. acha tuseme after hangover kuisha threshold ilifikishwa, na nikajipromise kupunguza intake yangu ya pombe.

Amazing hekaya with some suspense and flowing language and a very pleasant happy ending. Shida ni lexicon hujatumia. So 31/40.

[confused_villager]

@chief lieutenant

three things in life make men go through a lot of shit, na hyo ni pombe, pesa na pu**y. my love for these three is unequaled. kwa watu wanapenda pombe i can bet there are times you wake up from a night of drinking, unajipata place, ata haujui uko wapi, na kama unajua uko wapi kuna vile haukumbuki ulifika aje hii place. take this one time in campus nilitoka kwa club at a time i cant remember, then the next thing naamshwa na makanga nilipe gari kable tutoke stage, apparently niliingia matatu za kuenda western nikalala wakafikiria mimi ni passenger nangoja gari ijae. fare ni mia saba, na kwa mfuko niko na pesa haiwezi fika mia, plus i know no one in western, na ni saa kumi na mbili asubuhi.

sasa there is this one time i woke up in an unfamiliar place and i almost got a heart attack. i had travelled to some new town, biashara kiasi, halafu bahati nzuri i had a friend from campus who used to live kwa hyo town. so i talk to the guy, tell him am in town for some small business, na we can catch up for some drinks later since it was on a friday. the guy tells me nisijisumbue kulipa room, i can crash at his place, then we hit the club na pesa nilikuwa nilipie room. after mashughuli, nikashika mzinga ya gilbeys, got directions and then dropped at this guys place. kukula early supper tukaanze kuteremsha hyo mzinga, by 9 ile mzinga ime run out, na sisi bado tuko sober tunashidwa form ni gani. the guys decides to return hand, akatuma msee wa boda mzinga ingine ya gilbeys. by 12 am pombe sasa imepanda, story tu niku reminisce the many girls tulikuwa tumekula in campus,

siko sure kama mzinga iliisha, but the guy suggests that we hit the club now, halafu pia i concur, juu already tulikuwa maji ile mbaya, so pia bill ingekuwa less. sasa mimi ni ule msee huwa siskii pombe kama inanilewesha until its too late na nimekunywa too much, kufika club tukadecide tutumie brown bottles atleast alcohol percentage iko chini. kwa hyo club kitu nakumbuka ni only drinking guiness nne ama tano na kununulia dame fulani drinks, with plans za kumchipo. after hapo nikama niliingia auto pilot, hadi time niliamka kesho asubuhi.

sasa time ya kuamka ndio noma ilianza. i woke up kitu 5 am still slightly drunk. kuamka hivi na kufungua macho napatana na kisogo fulani, iko na nywele fupi zimesokotana kiasi, and i am almost sure that this is my friends head. nikaturn haraka i face the other side, juu ni common knowledge if two guys should sleep on the same bed, then ni lazima their backs face each other, deviation from this means your gay. after ku turn is when i almost get a heart attack, on the floor hapo kando ya bed i see my boxer and my trousers. wallai i felt some tears begin to collect in my eyes, sasa roho inapiga mbiombio, and my mind is on overdrive wondering what the hell is going on. halafu more confirmation am in my friends house, ni the fact that i can also see my bag in some corner place niliacha usiku before we went out.

then i hear the person besides me turn, and i can tell ako awake. i hear a hand on my back and i close my eyes and clench my teeth, fighting away the urge to kill somebody. “hi, babe umeamka” ndio kitu niliskia next and i almost jumped with joy juu hyo sauti nayo ilikuwa ya geus, i turn around mbio and the first thing i ask ni mbona hauna nywele. a close look at the girl, ika jolt my memory back, nikakumbuka ni dame nilikuwa na buyia drinks jana kwa klabu. i ask her why i dont have my clothes on, akanishow tulifika nikajichocha nitafikisha threshold but nikalala ata before tumalize kumake out. i tell the girl wasiwasi alikuwa amenipatia, and she cant stop laughing, that when she leaves the bed, akaingia kwa closet and showed me hizi kofia za nywele wanawake huvaa. akaanza kunipea shitty stories vile alinyoa ku signify a new stage in her life, but she still loves how she looks with her hair on, and thats why she wears wigs. acha tuseme after hangover kuisha threshold ilifikishwa, na nikajipromise kupunguza intake yangu ya pombe.

Kitu sefi @Grundy

[Starscream]

Story zingine hapa are just too funny

[Kamau_mbilikimo]

@confused villager

Kitu sefi @Grundy

My days in campus ug. Drinks after another nimewai kunguru at some club. She tells me anaishi kwa kitongoji I can’t recall the name. Sisi hao juu ya boda. in the morning I find my self basking outside some shop. Kampala is warm I slept outside kaa lorry na kunguru imenipora. Not aware of my surroundings I approach a boda guy with the little luganda in my head. Language barrier balaa, the boda had to put on my shoes that I don’t escape when my destination is reached.