Why is cheating a big deal or the worst thing you can do in a relationship?

No, I disagree with you. It works out if the couple are mature about it. Kids are resilient…kwani what would happen if one parent died? si they will continue living with one parent? cha muhimu is that the mum as the nurturer understands that she has a bigger role to play. In marriage or even when the marriage crumbles. In supporting the kids emotionally. She has to be selfless and if she wants to date, do it away from the kids.

Sitting it out for young couples will not work. Emotions run like wild fire. Nyinyi wote wawili mtapata HBP. I take it that you are not married yet and no kids…am I right? Dude love turns to hate! it takes two for a marriage to really crumble to a point of no return so then how do you continue living like flatmates? hata flatmates wakikosana one has to move out.
When you argue… as a married couple the argument can take whichever direction and even if you resolve it, it takes a while to get the rhythm back on again. So imagine living with your estranged spouse under the same roof? unless on different floors in a big mansion where no one knows the movements of the other…and since this is for the minority, hao wengine tuhame…as long as the kids’ commitments are met…they are fine…

I disagree kapsaa.

Dont want to say much but your response is conditional…that is IF THE COUPLES ARE MATURE ABOUT IT…your second line.
Couples are different kuna some who go at each other bare knuckle…you dont want to be there when shit hits the fan.
I repeat…DEATH IS FINAL NO COMPROMISE NO NEGOTIATION NO PRICE…kids can grow up knowing a parent or both died…sawa thats life whether you like it or not…but what kids will understand that the reason for their broken home and their suffering is coz dad couldnt keep it in his pants…maybe even with a mboch or waitress…or even an underage…you think kids will compromise you embarassing the whole family?
I agree best friends become the worst enemies but if parents cant stay together for the sake of the kids like @TrumanCapote has emphasised put up a show for the kids live asexual wale wana MWK waendelee na free reign…but when you get home act like a parent…watoto wafike 18 watoke then its adios amigo.
And its not just about the warring parties…im more concerned about the kids…to hell with adults they can sort themselves out…the children jeh! Cheki hizo clips attached hapo juu.
Have you ever heard of people breaking down crying years later after the initial incident…its not resilience…sometimes your just numb from the pain and when the the time comes you processed everything and stuff has sunk in…utajionea.
I respect your opinion though. You have valid points.
But im talking from experience. And the experience is one of the reasons im single no kids…i saw it all.
Hata kula sazingine ilinishinda…even going out to play with other kids unajipata umeketi kando umejishika tama.
It aint fun my dear. Put the kids first.

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If only women could learn their power card, they would be top of their game. I support this school of thought.

Yes indeed. Childish couples should not attempt living under the same roof while all is failing… better to live separately. Difficult for me to explain to you. How can they continue na mpando wa kando free reign na pengine huko the brainless idiot ako na watoto pia…ama pia hao si watoto?

Mtu wa kwenda aende kapsaa watoto wazoea. BTW even women leave…It works. Lewis Hamilton is a child of such a union and look at his success. He loves his Mum and step Mum too…
Not living in the medieval times.

Just tell me which Kenyan man anaweza kubali we stay together for the sake of the children and he knows I have another man out there? c’mmon now.

Yeah, I am not married. And my parents used to argue like cats and dogs. I was tired of their fights but I was more scared of them breaking up and what would happen to my siblings and I. They stuck together and I remember my mom telling me that if it wasn’t for my siblings and I she’d have left my dad because he being a typical meru man was very high handed. I know one thing, they love us so much they stayed together. What greater love can a parent have for their child than to stick to that child’s mom or dad so that their child won’t grow up in a broken home. That sacrifice is not lost on me. My best friends parents separated after their kids left the nest. Her dad had been having affairs with other women. Finally he impregnated one. Her mom moved out and built her own house. The dad moved in with the other lady and their daughter but he couldn’t stay away from my friends mom. They are still a family, the dad comes over to her moms house and spends weeks on end there yet they’re supposedly separated. The older generation valued family a great deal. This divorce business is actually a western concept not an African one. When you say like wazungu ati I’m not happy so I am getting a divorce what does that even mean? Do you think that you are happy everyday you go to work? Why don’t you quit your job or your business when it is not making you happy? People are as happy as they decide to be. If Victor Frankyl and Eli Weisel could go to a happy place in their mind in concentration camps and in a holocaust without an assurance that they would be alive the next week, I don’t see why you have to leave a marriage ati bcz you are not happy.

FYI these white people who have normalized divorce have 50% divorce rate for first marriage then 75% divorce rates for 2nd marriages and 100% divorce rates for 4th,5th to nth marriage. Which goes to show you that the more you chase so called happiness as your goal for being in a marriage the more elusive it becomes and the more unhappy you become and the higher your chances of getting a divorce become. So divorce is a very unafrican concept. African culture is built on family for better or worse.

And you can really champion divorce as a panacea for all marital problems but the reality is that you are not divorced, your parents were not divorced, your grandparents and great grandparents were not divorced. So you actually talking about something hypothetically not from experience. I prefer someone whose parents were divorced to tell me about divorce . From their personal experience. I think it’s wrong to champion something that you have not experienced yourself. The reality of divorce to the children is in the video below. Listen to it very carefully from actual victims of divorce not people like us who may not even know a divorcee or have one even in our extended families. Some of these concepts we embrace from the west are toxic. Like divorce. Even Christianity does not accept remarriage after divorce bcz to God you are still married even if you separated or got a legal divorce. Marriage is a lifetime covenant.

Very true.
But considering the topic of this thread…my response is cheating just messes everyone and everything up…but in my opinion where kids are involved they suffer the more than the adults where separation or divorce is at play.

This may sound abit harsh…but im sure she wasnt firing one in your direction…shes just being plain honest…i can assure you experience is the best teacher…things just escalate kimchezo but the end result is heartbreaking.
You guys will never be the same again.
You MAY forgive but you will NEVER forget.
If you ever come to a point where a divorce or separation and restrain orders are the only way out…make sure you exhausted all reasonable options…yaani the other person is a mnyama or its becoming a matter of life and death…hapo kids wata understand the pain will be manageable…let it not be option 1.
Like Capote has said you divorce hook up with someone new…and your new catch also cheats on you…so?
Consider whatever we say here…dont kwamia your beliefs and principles.
Keep an open mind and your eyes open.

As for maturity it comes with time and life experience so you should not divorce your spouse bcz you find them childish. They will outgrow it or you will develop tolerance for their immaturity. The commitment to the your spouse in spite of their imperfections gives your children a sense of security and unconditional love. Children see their parents as an extension of themselves and when you do not have unconditional love and commitment to their dad or mom, they internalize the rejection of their other parents, that if you can leave their mom or dad for whatever reason you will or can also abandon them. That’s why it is said that the best gift you can give your child is to love their father or their mother. If you abuse their other parent or abandon them even if you are good to the child, they will still internalize how you treat their other parent. In fact it’s confusing and painful when you are so good to the child but bad to their dad or mom.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9S-CVxvokQ

I was not firing one in her direction at all. I am just sticking to my guns and standing by my views. Actually I am done with this thread.
I married a man with like minded views so sisi wacha tuendele na kulea watoto wetu.

In US where divorce is the order of the day and they believe if someone cheats that’s immediate divorce add child support manenos it has become a morass that 4 women are killed on daily basis by exes, husbands, boyfriends, kids are being killed, for example there’s a guy who had an affair with his workmate and in the heat of the moment ended up killing his kids and wife coz he wants to marry the new catch, if he waited out the affair he would have gotten bored with his mistress the same way he got bored of his wife and gone back to his family but westerners have this fantasy of the one, there’s no the one, marriages like every thing else in life is what you will make it. There’s no soul mate who has the silver bullet that will bring you supreme happiness and save you from the drudgery of day to day grind of life and the hard work of making the marriage work once novelty wears off and the rose colored glasses come off, your mistress is just a woman like your wife. So there you go getting rid of your wife but once you get used to your mistress she may be worse than the wife you left when you were in the excitement phase of your affair. In the AMC series Mad Men the main protagonist Don Draper divorces his wife, a traditional house wife and mother of his 2 kids Faye to marry his modern woman secretary Meagan , in the end he regrets it and his kids become wayward.

Actually in the Kikuyu culture, if a man and a woman could no longer get along, yaani ile they have exhausted all avenues, the man was required to build another hut for his wife on the margins of the family compound away from the rest of the other huts. This means moving from her current hut to another place huko mbali kabisa na nyumba ya mzee and other huts belonging to other wives.

Her father was also required to return the dowry paid once wamefikishana hapo.

It was actually a powerful, symbolic, and a consequential separation, even though the wife could not go back to her father’s home. But everyone in the community knew what’s up once that hut was put up.

I am not Kikuyu so I can’t relate. Where I am from there was no history of divorce or separation. Once you marry someone and they have children for you, your dowry is spent. Can’t get rid of her anymore than you can get rid of your kids.

If I may ask, what is the source of this history? Do you actually know someone of say your grandparents age who had this done to them or is it just hearsay? My great grandfather had 16 wives who had like 4 kids each , he could not get rid of any of them. That’s the last polygamous relative I had, the rest had 1 wife about 10 kids a piece so imagine the logistics of divorcing someone you had 10 kids with and then starting over. The few polygamous men I know are serial monogamist meaning they had one wife at a time so there was nothing like wives houses, it’s one house for 1 wife at a time.

I don’t know about kikuyus. We maybe mountain bantus but we are different. Even our traditional initiation is very different.

My point is, the laissez-faire attitude of divorce is a western concept, not an African one because traditional African culture is socialist not capitalist and rife with rugged individualism. Ubuntu, you are because we are. You dig? Anyway what do I know? Go ahead and get divorced, what do I care? Be modern and file for a divorce at the first sign of inconvenience. Just don’t complain when your kids become drug addicts and promiscuous or even serial killers, most serial killers came from broken homes.

Unrealistic expectations about love and marriage is the toot and foot of all this. All exasperated by the fairy tales, telenovelas and the silver screen.

I saw it in a program called Kimuri, on Inooro TV which normally invites Kikuyu cultural experts. Kikuyu husband and wives used to live in different huts while the man of the house used to live with his goats and his young uncircumcised boys in their own hut called “Thingira”, while the wife and the daughters lived in a much bigger house called “Nyumba” - bigger because the Kitchen was in her house. This separation was necessary to avoid common embarrassing situations between parents and children of the opposite gender. It also allowed parents to give gender specific advice to their children.

But by and large there was always room for divorce in the Kikuyu culture and dowry would be returned by the father of the woman. Also, stubborn women, or rather Kichwa ngumu women, could be given another place to stay far away from the homestead instead of instituting all the complicated rites and ceremonies that were required to initiate divorce.

In Meru culture goats and sheep slept in a pen in the kitchen. The man had a 3 stone fireplace and the bedroom. The woman had a 3 stone fireplace and a food store in her bedroom or house. It was partitioned. I doubt if there were provisions for divorce even for childless women.

MGTOW = Freedom

Niggah puhleeze. Don’t be all up in my posts pushing your gey agenda. I’m on to you. Better get some woman pregnant b4 you die of Covid. Your family will throw your body in a river if you don’t have children by the time Covid screws your worn out pompous ass 6 ways to Sunday. Mine will build me a mausoleum regardless. Don’t try to compete with me. Get married and have children you idiot. We are ALL tired of your trolling. Get yourself some kids Busta.

Mmama muzee, i have more 60 trillion healthy sperms in reserve. I can have kids tomoorow or 20 years from now if i wish. Hell, i can even impregnate every single fertile woman on earth with just one drop of my potent semen.

Now, remind me again, how many eggs do u have left after 3 decades of whoring around with old men?

…zero…zilch…sufuri…nothing…a complete waste of God’s resources

Wait until osteoporosis sets in, utakufa kama mbwa wewe. Heri ata ungezaa panya ama chura to help our biosphere.

I don’t think the prison warden who killed his exes 10 yr old daughter or the warden who killed his gf who he thought was cheating WITH A HAMMER was ‘exasperated’ by telenovelas.

How in the hell will you kill someone with a hammer or an axe bcz they cheated on you? Seriously? I don’t understand humans.

Death to all kungurus. Mimi ningeng’oa yeye meno moja moja na plier. She is very lucky IMO

Tonight I will read your long post if only you can tell me what you think goes in the mind of a jilted lover who goes the extra step of killing their spouse.