Happened years back.
So, I’m at this brothel, in bed with this smelly bitch. We’re both drunk. The lanye has a water-bottle filled with liquor and she’s taking small sips and acting like a princess (which she’s not; she’s a smelly lanye, and nothing more). I’ve already paid her, but she keeps refusing to lay back and spread her legs. She’s already objected to undressing.
Eventually I get fed up. I shove her on her back and pull up her skirt. Then I loosen my belt. Bitch gets back up. I push down my boxers and unleash my dick. I demand she rolls the condom on me, which she does. Then I shove her back on the bed and get between her legs. Minutes later I’m done. We both fall asleep.
I wake up at 3:00 AM with a hard-on. Slowly the recollection of the previous night’s events come flooding back. I rub my eyes and sit up. Snoring beside me is the lanye. With zero hesitation, I unroll another condom and start boffing her, doggystyle. She starts protesting but soon begins moaning. She’d drunk like a ghaseer. Later on I unsheath the condom and throw it on her pillow, before buttoning up and putting on my black boots.
I look around the room. There’s a water-bottle on the table. I sniff the contents. Vodka. I swallow it all in one gulp. I reach into the lanye’s handbag and move my fingers around. I retrieve the money I’d given her. There’s also a small bag of mùgúka (miraa). It’s half-full. After a little hesitation I pick it up, too. I stuff it into my back-pocket. I then softly unlock the door and start descending down the spiral of stairs.
Minutes later I’m at a nearby club. I start start flirting with some light-skinned nice chic who’s black-out drunk. We make out and she insists she’s about to leave. She suggests I accompany her to a nearby joint. I offer her the bag of mùgùka. She tried chewing it, before spitting the contents on the floor. She takes some chewing gums instead. We get up to leave. As we’re moving towards the exit, a shout of “umbwa ghaseer” is heard above the soft music playing. It’s the lanye. She’s livid, baying for blood.
She accuses me of stealing her money. “Hata mùgùka na ball-gums zangu ulichukua! Takataka ya mwanaume hii!” She then pounces on me and tries clawing my eyes out. I decide to give her a beating. That’s the moment security intervenes. They tackle me to the ground and soon, everyone gathers around. One of the guards is now holding me to the ground. He insists I pay the bitch, and they’ll allow me to leave. I agree, but the bitch starts insulting and trying to attack me. Soon the sympathy dries up. Everyone is asking the chic to be quiet, but she’s frothing at the mouth and still keeps trying to scratch my face. The security guard is breathing heavily, still trying to restrain me. Soon he lets me go and instead turns his attention to the bitch, attempting to hold her. He’s fed up with the whole business.
I get up and look around for the light-skinned bitch. She’s been keenly observing the proceedings. She asks me why I boffed a prostitute. Asks me whether it’s true I stole the lanye’s money. I sheepishly admit it’s true, and ask her whether she still wants to get out of here. Her lips curl into a smile, as she tries to suppress a giggle. We exit the place, and wander into the darkness.
Seconds later I hear footsteps thudding behind us. I turn around. It’s the lanye, running full speed at me. She has a thick piece of wood in her hand. A club. I intercept the blow, smacking the club out of her hand and pushing her to the ground. I take to my heels and leave my pretty companion behind.
A week later I’m told the lanye was heard swearing, “huyo kijana mweusi nikimcheki nitamkimbilia nimshike shingo hivi!”
I swore never to set foot in River road/Luthuli again. I ditched my rugged jeans and sleeveless basketball jerseys and instead started wearing khaki trousers and long shirts. I even tried shedding weight, but eventually gave up.
