1. Ya kwanza ilikuwa hii> http://www.kenyatalk.com/index.php?...ngs-i-have-done-while-drunk.7081/#post-109957
2. After campus as wengi wenu mjuavyo, life gets harder and harder. You have to make do with the little you have and tarmac the whole day with a Ka CV that has no job experience except for those 'attachos'. Drinking thus is the last thing on the mind as you seriousy look for Janta...any Janta to survive in this concrete jungle
Luckily for me, I had a good hearted sister who accommodated me. She was married and they had 1 kid by then. They hosted me after i assured them that it was just a matter of time before the Graduate gets his first job and contribute to their budget. Little did they know that that 'matter of time' would last for whole 13 good months. But anyway i thank them coz i never lacked.
So it was one time during these 13 month tarmacking period that my 2nd embarrassment would occur. My sis would give me between 50 bob and 100 bob a day for going to town and seeing if I could drop in more applications. I would thus tarmac from Monday to Thursday, then Friday i would dedicate to tarmacking for something else; free beer
. Man! the thirst was too much.
So here is what i would do on fridays: I would board the cheapest Mat at around 3pm from estate to Tau and pay Ashu or 10 bob thereby getting to town by around 3.30pm. BTW i also had to dress smart because I would go to all the 5 star hotels reception, (Intercon, Hilton, Nairobi Safari club, Stanely, serena etc. It was easy to access them coz by then terrorism was not a major issue) then look around for any board announcing some cocktails and if I found one I would hang around upto around 6.30pm, then gate crash, mingle with the invited guests, then position myself strategically near the bar
. After the boring speeches and launches, people would be invited to take a bite and a drink. I would head straight to the bar, drink as much and as fast as i could then go for some food. Those of you who know about cocktails already know that the bar opens for a very short time(less than an hour). In most cases i would pretend to be a journalist with KTN/Standard group. I would interact with the high and the mighty coz i was in their 'comfort zones' and most of them would drink themselves silly.
One Friday as i was 'cocktail hunting', I entered the Hilton hotel and saw a board with those letters well pinned 'Safaricom Cocktail Dinner Top floor (swimming pool area) from 7pm.. Yep! that was my smile as i imagined how beer will flow. I had saved some Mullah and thus had around 990 in my pocket (1000 less ile 10bob ya Mat). To set the moods i decided to go to SJ and take two or three as 6.30 approaches while sampling some nyap(the fisi within). You know what happens in SJ, after 3 beers a Poko will approach you and ask for a cigarette. I normally don't smoke so i bought the Poko that approached me a beer and we hit it off nicely. She was a nice looking lady with a great behind. I thought to myself 'what the Hell' 'Instead of buying her more beers (na thao inaisha haraka), I invited her to go with me to Hilton for a function. Before we went i asked her "Unaweza chapa Kingoso Viproper" "Yes I can!" she retorted. "what the f**k?' she added probably wanting to impress me with her Queens language skills. "If anyone asks you where you work, just tell the you are a journalist with KTN/Standard media" I instructed her.
And so we went to the Hilton, into the lifts and up to the swimming pool area where the party was @. By then party ilikuwa imeshika and coz we were just in time for the bar opening. We headed straight for the bar and i ordered a tusker. WTF? Instead of ordering her usual drink, she went for some whisky!! she downed the first glass in one gulp! 'Boss, Hebu Niongeze ingine hapa' she shouted at the bar man. The barman ongezad her glass. Shiet man 'Downed it in another gulp' 'Boss!' she shouted but the barman ignored her. Ongeza bana!! Eventually the barman added her glass with whisky(or something) from another brand. She gulped it once again! Eish!
Other guests were starting to get curious and I could overhear them asking 'Sasa huyu ni wa wapi??'
At this juncture let me ask. If it were you what would you have done?. I pretended i have never EVER seen her before and moved on to the furthest corner of the pool. She was still bugging the bar man who gave her a bottle of Whitecap beer and shooed here away from the counter.
She spotted me! and from the corners of my eye i could see that she was walking towards me. 'Oya!! She shouted "Beste in a red Bwenya(coat)? Mbona unanilenga na vile ulikuwa unaongea vizuri tukiwa sabina joy? Si ni wee ulisema tucome hivi na tusema tunafanya na Kenya Times?" she shouted as she staggered towards me.
Picture this: You are the only one wearing a red coat but you also look around to see if she was referring to someone else. Wuuui! I felt like jumping inside the deep end of the pool and staying there until the drama iishe.
SECURITY!!! SECURITY! SECURITY! The DJ shouted these words over the PAS and without being given a chance to maliza our beers, TULINYANYULIWA na ma bouncers, mimi na hii poko, tukawekwa kwa lift and the guard press G. 'Nendeni Kabisaa na nisiwaone hapa tena' One of them shouted as the lift fungad.
As soon as we disembarked from the lift on groung floor and headed out, the poko started hurling insults at me; Ulikuwa unanileta huku kwa nini??? Si unitombe sasa!! she shouted.
Well nilichomoka mbio ingine kwa hiyo hoteli and disappeared into the poorly lit streets of lower Nairobi heading towards the bus stage. The sounds of 'Githurai Githurai 44! salasa, salasa!' from the makanga was heavenly! I entered the mat and sat at the rear end and closed the window, then removed my bwenya to make i wasn't spotted by the Crazy Biach from SJ
The Friday cocktail hunting escapades ziliiishia hapo.
2. After campus as wengi wenu mjuavyo, life gets harder and harder. You have to make do with the little you have and tarmac the whole day with a Ka CV that has no job experience except for those 'attachos'. Drinking thus is the last thing on the mind as you seriousy look for Janta...any Janta to survive in this concrete jungle
Luckily for me, I had a good hearted sister who accommodated me. She was married and they had 1 kid by then. They hosted me after i assured them that it was just a matter of time before the Graduate gets his first job and contribute to their budget. Little did they know that that 'matter of time' would last for whole 13 good months. But anyway i thank them coz i never lacked.
So it was one time during these 13 month tarmacking period that my 2nd embarrassment would occur. My sis would give me between 50 bob and 100 bob a day for going to town and seeing if I could drop in more applications. I would thus tarmac from Monday to Thursday, then Friday i would dedicate to tarmacking for something else; free beer
. Man! the thirst was too much.So here is what i would do on fridays: I would board the cheapest Mat at around 3pm from estate to Tau and pay Ashu or 10 bob thereby getting to town by around 3.30pm. BTW i also had to dress smart because I would go to all the 5 star hotels reception, (Intercon, Hilton, Nairobi Safari club, Stanely, serena etc. It was easy to access them coz by then terrorism was not a major issue) then look around for any board announcing some cocktails and if I found one I would hang around upto around 6.30pm, then gate crash, mingle with the invited guests, then position myself strategically near the bar
. After the boring speeches and launches, people would be invited to take a bite and a drink. I would head straight to the bar, drink as much and as fast as i could then go for some food. Those of you who know about cocktails already know that the bar opens for a very short time(less than an hour). In most cases i would pretend to be a journalist with KTN/Standard group. I would interact with the high and the mighty coz i was in their 'comfort zones' and most of them would drink themselves silly.One Friday as i was 'cocktail hunting', I entered the Hilton hotel and saw a board with those letters well pinned 'Safaricom Cocktail Dinner Top floor (swimming pool area) from 7pm.
. Yep! that was my smile as i imagined how beer will flow. I had saved some Mullah and thus had around 990 in my pocket (1000 less ile 10bob ya Mat). To set the moods i decided to go to SJ and take two or three as 6.30 approaches while sampling some nyap(the fisi within). You know what happens in SJ, after 3 beers a Poko will approach you and ask for a cigarette. I normally don't smoke so i bought the Poko that approached me a beer and we hit it off nicely. She was a nice looking lady with a great behind. I thought to myself 'what the Hell' 'Instead of buying her more beers (na thao inaisha haraka), I invited her to go with me to Hilton for a function. Before we went i asked her "Unaweza chapa Kingoso Viproper" "Yes I can!" she retorted. "what the f**k?' she added probably wanting to impress me with her Queens language skills. "If anyone asks you where you work, just tell the you are a journalist with KTN/Standard media" I instructed her.And so we went to the Hilton, into the lifts and up to the swimming pool area where the party was @. By then party ilikuwa imeshika and coz we were just in time for the bar opening. We headed straight for the bar and i ordered a tusker. WTF? Instead of ordering her usual drink, she went for some whisky!!
she downed the first glass in one gulp! 'Boss, Hebu Niongeze ingine hapa' she shouted at the bar man. The barman ongezad her glass. Shiet man 'Downed it in another gulp' 'Boss!' she shouted but the barman ignored her. Ongeza bana!! Eventually the barman added her glass with whisky(or something) from another brand. She gulped it once again! Eish!Other guests were starting to get curious and I could overhear them asking 'Sasa huyu ni wa wapi??'
At this juncture let me ask. If it were you what would you have done?
. I pretended i have never EVER seen her before and moved on to the furthest corner of the pool. She was still bugging the bar man who gave her a bottle of Whitecap beer and shooed here away from the counter.She spotted me! and from the corners of my eye i could see that she was walking towards me. 'Oya!! She shouted "Beste in a red Bwenya(coat)? Mbona unanilenga na vile ulikuwa unaongea vizuri tukiwa sabina joy? Si ni wee ulisema tucome hivi na tusema tunafanya na Kenya Times?" she shouted as she staggered towards me.
Picture this: You are the only one wearing a red coat but you also look around to see if she was referring to someone else
. Wuuui! I felt like jumping inside the deep end of the pool and staying there until the drama iishe.SECURITY!!! SECURITY! SECURITY! The DJ shouted these words over the PAS and without being given a chance to maliza our beers, TULINYANYULIWA na ma bouncers, mimi na hii poko, tukawekwa kwa lift and the guard press G. 'Nendeni Kabisaa na nisiwaone hapa tena' One of them shouted as the lift fungad.
As soon as we disembarked from the lift on groung floor and headed out, the poko started hurling insults at me; Ulikuwa unanileta huku kwa nini??? Si unitombe sasa!! she shouted.
Well nilichomoka mbio ingine kwa hiyo hoteli and disappeared into the poorly lit streets of lower Nairobi heading towards the bus stage. The sounds of 'Githurai Githurai 44! salasa, salasa!' from the makanga was heavenly! I entered the mat and sat at the rear end and closed the window, then removed my bwenya to make i wasn't spotted by the Crazy Biach from SJ
The Friday cocktail hunting escapades ziliiishia hapo.
