TRUE STORY HAPPENED TODAY
As you all know , Uncle uwes and his three friends have a mancave in somwhere in embakasi , where we do our stuff away from nosy wives . sasa msiba imetupata and this is a serious story so kindly saidieni .
Yesterday all three of us where drinking at a place , ill have to bar the name to avoid all CSIs . so after several beers one of my friends got a 9/10 momo kidu 22 years kitu swafi , i was to be given an Ozil tomorrow coz we are never selfish in our circle and we are all momopreneurs . so after the drinks by 2 we all went our ways and the friend with the land whale went to sample the soaked drunk mammal .
So saa tatu the dude calls me , am dead asleep mama Clichy wakes me and i pick the phone . lets call him Otis , he is hysterical i cant understand a word he is saying , so i tell him to calm down and speak . he tells me he is trying to wake up the lady but she is not breathing ! wtf am like
‘wacha ujinga , check the pulse ’
’ hakuna pulse , nishaangalia’
'umbwa double check ’
,
‘hakuna banaaaaa’
so i ask him walikunywa nini , ati only the Jameson in the fridge . but she was drunk alikunywa aje tena , ati she insisted .
i call baba Ljunberg , who is a gynae kwa faragha and explain the situation . he advises let him pick some gloves twende since its not far . we leave all our phones in the house we buy two pair of slippers at the shop and go on foot . we arrive but before disembarking we take off the shoes and wear slippers and before knocking on the door we wear gloves .
‘ako wapi ?’ asks mbuyu Ljunberg
we go into the bedroom the lady is naked (such a perfect specimen) on the bed , doc checks for a pulse and does some other strange things like putting his index finger in her arsehole , which in other circumstances would have been an exciting moment but now we are all panicking .
’ she is dead ’ comes out the scary statement , ’ this girl has chocked in her own spite , kwani hukuskia akikohoa , boss kwani unalala lala aje kama ghassia @It’s Le Scumbag ? ’
’ sasa nitafanya nini na mbona mumevaa gloves ’ asks Otis
'tulia kwanza ’ i say
we call his lawyer and explain everything he advises that we ( me and doc ) not to touch a thing and leave Otis in the house and wait for him at the shoping center . so we go to crow daddy and wait for him over a bottle of tusker .
The lawyer arrives after an hour and says its a tricky situation . Otis will have to report the case to the Police station accompanied by him although he will be behind bars pending postmortem/bail on tuesday
‘but hajauwa mtu doc amesema ni choking ?’
'yes but lazima ikuwe verified ,
, wacha nikunywe tot ya Jameson niendeleee btw imefanyika leo morning