How Do I Deal With My Manipulative & Unappreciative Parents?

Mark Maish

Village Elder
#1
#ThisIsMyStory I am 25 but have responsibilities the size of a 40 year old. My dad retired while I was in class six, he is polygamous and we are the younger family. So my uncle took up the responsibility of educating me till form 3. My aunt somehow convinced him not to pay my fees any further. My form four fees were never paid. However, being in a Catholic national school, my principal allowed me to finish my studies and I only paid the fees balance in January 2016, many years later.

I joined the University of Nairobi to pursue a bachelor’s degree in law which I successfully finished, thanks to the HELB loan. My next hustle was to join the Kenya School of Law(KSL). Raising the 200 k fee was no joke. I got a partial scholarship from LSK and did academic writings to get the balance.

I struggled throughout my KSL life to make ends meet. Writing most of the time to raise money for rent, transport, food and other essentials. As if that was no small struggle, I had my parents and siblings asking for money each and every week with no appreciation at all. My parents believed that I am rich simply because I have law degree.

After KSL, I managed to secured pupillage at a law firm with a pay of 20k/month. Both my mum and dad were so excited saying that finally their struggles were over. My mom actually stopped doing the little jobs she did and specifically indicated that it's high time she manages my money.

She asks for thousands every week. Sometimes I send her money and I am only left with fare to work and at least 10 bob for sukuma wiki, which I take every day of the month. I always feel that she manipulates me! I don't know how to say NO to her. She can even pretend to be sick or my baby brother and sister so that I send her money. My two sisters and brother in campus also ask for money. I feel so frustrated. It's a burden being a first born. I can barely support myself, sembuse familia yangu?

Thankfully, I passed my bar exams so I’m waiting for admission to the bar. I hope I will have enough money to meet all these responsibilities once I become an advocate.

In the meantime, how do I manage the financial pressure from my family? It has really weighed me down till at one time I thought of procuring a sponsor to meet their financial needs. I even take huge Mshwari loans in the middle of the month just to send money to my mum. I am frustrated even though my friends think I am always happy. I wish I could block all my family. Please advise.

PS: #ThisIsMyStoryCampaign lets you open up, anonymously, about your struggles & how you deal with them. To take part, send your story to markmaina76@gmail.com.

#MarkMaish #TheBrokeBillionaire
 

4makind

Village Elder
#3
@Mark Maish, Good real life experiences stories.
Back to the story ..... I have learned to assist where I can and not to be manipulated by any family members. These people are insatiable even if you share your whole paycheck with them, but when you fall into a lean period they are the first to castigate you for not investing your earnings prudently.
 
#5
I have a similar troubled upbringing. What I came to learn years later is that I never did anything wrong, it's who they are. I read on 'Children of psychopathic and narcissistic parents" and it helped me understand and recover. The reality is, they'll never let you go. You will have to minimise contact to levels you can work with, or even for good. Type your experiences in a search engine and start reading on them. It helps knowing.
 
#7
kitu ya kwanza stop sending money weekly coz u are not paid daily....tell them u earn 10k per month....apo unatuma 2500 montly...

if u continue been manupilated utajipataa nyali bridge ukiruka....

have a seat down with them...communication is key

halafu tafuta lanye ya kusafisha izi trouble zote....u dont have to be loved by everyone
 

Pseudonyms

Village Elder
#8
#ThisIsMyStory I am 25 but have responsibilities the size of a 40 year old. My dad retired while I was in class six, he is polygamous and we are the younger family. So my uncle took up the responsibility of educating me till form 3. My aunt somehow convinced him not to pay my fees any further. My form four fees were never paid. However, being in a Catholic national school, my principal allowed me to finish my studies and I only paid the fees balance in January 2016, many years later.

I joined the University of Nairobi to pursue a bachelor’s degree in law which I successfully finished, thanks to the HELB loan. My next hustle was to join the Kenya School of Law(KSL). Raising the 200 k fee was no joke. I got a partial scholarship from LSK and did academic writings to get the balance.

I struggled throughout my KSL life to make ends meet. Writing most of the time to raise money for rent, transport, food and other essentials. As if that was no small struggle, I had my parents and siblings asking for money each and every week with no appreciation at all. My parents believed that I am rich simply because I have law degree.

After KSL, I managed to secured pupillage at a law firm with a pay of 20k/month. Both my mum and dad were so excited saying that finally their struggles were over. My mom actually stopped doing the little jobs she did and specifically indicated that it's high time she manages my money.

She asks for thousands every week. Sometimes I send her money and I am only left with fare to work and at least 10 bob for sukuma wiki, which I take every day of the month. I always feel that she manipulates me! I don't know how to say NO to her. She can even pretend to be sick or my baby brother and sister so that I send her money. My two sisters and brother in campus also ask for money. I feel so frustrated. It's a burden being a first born. I can barely support myself, sembuse familia yangu?

Thankfully, I passed my bar exams so I’m waiting for admission to the bar. I hope I will have enough money to meet all these responsibilities once I become an advocate.

In the meantime, how do I manage the financial pressure from my family? It has really weighed me down till at one time I thought of procuring a sponsor to meet their financial needs. I even take huge Mshwari loans in the middle of the month just to send money to my mum. I am frustrated even though my friends think I am always happy. I wish I could block all my family. Please advise.

PS: #ThisIsMyStoryCampaign lets you open up, anonymously, about your struggles & how you deal with them. To take part, send your story to markmaina76@gmail.com.

#MarkMaish #TheBrokeBillionaire


You're just a self-centered, self-important, narcissist.
 

Mark Maish

Village Elder
#10
@Mark Maish, Good real life experiences stories.
Back to the story ..... I have learned to assist where I can and not to be manipulated by any family members. These people are insatiable even if you share your whole paycheck with them, but when you fall into a lean period they are the first to castigate you for not investing your earnings prudently.
I totally agree. They guilty trip & drain you to the last cent with iota of mercy
 

Mark Maish

Village Elder
#12
I have a similar troubled upbringing. What I came to learn years later is that I never did anything wrong, it's who they are. I read on 'Children of psychopathic and narcissistic parents" and it helped me understand and recover. The reality is, they'll never let you go. You will have to minimise contact to levels you can work with, or even for good. Type your experiences in a search engine and start reading on them. It helps knowing.
I hope she reads your comment on Facebook & find the literature you have recommended.

It must've taken a lot to break from their grip
 

Mark Maish

Village Elder
#13
kitu ya kwanza stop sending money weekly coz u are not paid daily....tell them u earn 10k per month....apo unatuma 2500 montly...

if u continue been manupilated utajipataa nyali bridge ukiruka....

have a seat down with them...communication is key

halafu tafuta lanye ya kusafisha izi trouble zote....u dont have to be loved by everyone
She is actually on the ledge right now. She is desperate for a change otherwise Nyali Bridge ordeal could become a reality.
 

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