So apparently njaanuary is real and I have started feeling the pinch not because I wasted my money on boose during the holiday bt kuibiwa life life Leo asubuhi ukipenda usiku Wa manane.
It all started yesterday morning when my campus ngeul called me at around 11a.m, alerting me that she had arrived from nyahururu. Since sijasafisha rungu mwaka huu mpya wa 2018 nikaenda kwa neighbour wangu anaitwa Diki, mlevi sana kuomba gari nipeleke ka slay queen tour ya Nairobi kiasi. Hizi stori za kunyandua madame huwa zinamfurahisha sana na coz alikuwadrunk and high on his own supply jamaa akanipea keys za toyota 110 yake. Dakika chache nimejitayarisha mimi huyo nikaenda hadi tea room nikachukua dame. I didn’t want to spend a lot of cash so tukanuna snacks supermarket nikashika langata road hadi Karen, then hadi giraffe centre. Dame hajawahi on a giraffe maisha yake yote, ilimbamba sana. Stori stori kiasi hapo kwa centre jioni ikafika, tukarudi tao at around 7:00 tukaenda hapo heritage drinks kiasi. We drunk upto around 11pm, nikaanza kulewa kiasi na kuambia dame tuende kwangu. kunguru alikataa na mzigo akasema amechoka nimdrop hostels hapo kipkabus rd nyuma ya stima plaza. Horny and drunk I agreed knowing I could have her any other day I want. Now to the kuibiwa part.
After dropping her, i decided to use chemilil road ile ya kenyata university parklands campus. Mara nikaona dame msomali amevalia buibui anasimamisha gari. Mimi naufisi nikasimama, she was like uko na pesa ngapi nikasema 300 akasema shot 1000 and she knows a place we can park and pay 200. Drunk, horny and confused I agreed. I took a right turn to keiyo road then nikaona gate flani inakaa hotel, I think it was written sirona or something. She told me to drive towards the gate, watchie flani akafungua nikampea 200 tukaingiza gari ndani and parked under a big tree that was there. I turned up the volume on diki’s badass music system reggae ikaanza kucheza. I moved to the back seat na msonjo akanifuata, mimi huyo kuinua buibui akawa hana suruali, akanipea zile cd za sure za G.O.K nikavaa. Kiasi kiasi akapanda juu na kuniangalia, akashika mti akaingiza ndani nikasikia kitu iko tight vile inafaa. Nikaanza kupump na yeye akamove na motion yangu. Hata sikumaliza dakika mbili nikaona mjama mnono anakuja mbio ameshika ak47 na anamulika torch, nikamtupa dame kando mbio mbio. mjama alikuja akafungua mlango ya gari akaanza kunipiga. Kelele ikaanza “unafanya nini kiyana, unafanya nini”
Kiasi kiasi nimevalishwa pingu na kuitishwa kifunguo ya gari. Nyege ikaisha Mara moja, karibu nijikojolee. Sikuongea tena mjama akaingia kwa passenger seat akaniambia nikae hapo kwa driver. We didn’t talk for like 5 minutes, dame ako nyuma amenyamaza tu. Suddenly a small lorry, I think a Toyota dyna came and parked nxt to the tree upande wa right. The driver comes out followed by a BBW (big black woman) halafu ananza kumpiga doogy style. Karao anatoka mbio na kumpiga makofi na kumfunga pingu na kuchukua keys za lorry. That is when I realise Karau ako na huyo watchie wanashika watu . The cop tells the truck driver to get into his truck and gets back into my car and tells me to drive. Ananitoa pingu tunaanza mwendo then ananidirect tunaenda hadi parklands sports club, then tunaingia hapo karibu na k1. He tells me to drive to some commercial building halafu when we reach the gate, watchman anfungua tunaenda basement. Kufika chini kuna mark x ya white imeparkiwa hapo kwa corner. Karau ananiambia nisimame anatoka mbio na kupata mjama mwingine ananyandua Mama flani amevalia mini. The cop slaps him silly, cuffs him and orders him to get back into the car. He comes back to the 110 mimi bado niko tipsy kiasi na uwoga na msonjo nyuma hata hatuongei. The guy orders me to get out of the car tells me to pay the Somali girl then tells her to run and not look back. He then cuffs me yet again then akanisearch na kuchukua pesa yote nilikiwa nayo. I had 17000 when I left the house and I think I was left with like 12000 after taking my campus girl out. The guy refused to give me back my money and promised to call a break down if I continued to disturb him. Huyo karao ni mkubwa na alikuwa na gun singeweza bishana.Drunk and tired it was like 3:00 a.m saa hio ,I agreed akanitoa pingu nikaingia kwa gari bila hata Bob. Nikashika barabara had waiyaki way na kushika road hadi home. I didn’t feel bad at that time juu ya ulevi but after kuamka at around saa nane leo ndio naskia machungu, hao makarao wamezoea watu sana. Niko hapa kwa Diki na nakunywa gilbeys na kajoint kiasi. Sijui next week itakuwaje nikirudi job.mwaka imeanza na swara.
Sitawahi kubuy coomer nikiwa na gari tena.
hii story yako ni 99.5% uwongo ati umeenda out na 17,000 cash na kuna mpesa ? mtu hutembea na cash kama hio ni mtu anaweza kunywa 15k na asi feel kitu . ukienda kutomba malaya either pesa extra umeficha kwa socks ama undisclosed location so hii ni kelele . redflags all over . enda danganya ndauwo .
Then you woke up from your wet dreams. Nv unatubeba kimalenge.
Mauongo zimeanza hapa. The rest of the stori are LIES. So its the somali woman who was thirsty for your dicky, asking for shots from a complete stranger.
But theres truth in this storo.ukinyanduana kwa gari westy or pakii lazma watakuitania.wo ukula na makarao.u werent the 1st nor the last one that nite.i can relate n i cant try again
At least you’ve learnt your lesson. I thought in this day and age of MPESA, VISA card swiping etc one shouldn’t be carrying a crazy amount of cash but oh well. Limbukeni kama nyinyi ndo waliwao. Sasa kula huo ujeuri wako. Btw, January has 80 days my fren…