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Sunday Hekaya: Makosa!!!!


Village Elder
This story was narrated by a "friend", so don't throw missiles at me.

This guy is married to a Woman's Guild chairlady. They have three kids, the firstborn a university boy. The rest are small, so they keep a misbotch.

So one day, they went upcountry for some family function. They have built a family house there. When returning, they left the university boy there to do some cleaning and some other chores helping shushu. He came later in the course of the week, but then left for some visit to Malindi. The weekend that followed, the couple needed to return to ushago. They remembered they hadn't collected the house keys from the boy. So they called him and asked where are the keys. Kijana akasema they are in a trouser pocket somewhere in his suitcase in the house. Dad decided to open the suitcase and search for the keys. He found them, but he also did what every normal man would do. He looked further. Makosa number 1, coz in one of the suitcase pockets, he found some CDs, several packs, and several half-used sets. So mnajua pack iko na tatu, some angepata iko moja ama mbili. He never talked about it to anyone then. Story ikaisha.

Then came erections elections, and the guy closed office for the whole erections week. Wife job kama kawaida. That's when he noticed the misbotch had a bigger asset than he had thought. Si you know that view when the mboch is doing chores around the house kama amefunga leso, mostly with nothing underneath and the visible pantie line when she bends? Hypocrites will say they don't know, but those who are saved like me acknowledge that it brings out the figure of the woman 132%. If you're keen, you may extrapolate the curves all the way to the cat. That's a lesson best taught by @Kasighau . @Luther12 may also recall something from his anatomy classes in 1982 pale UON.

Back to the erections week. The guy is lazing on a sofa while the mboch is bending a few feet away wiping the water dispenser. The wife is working. Kids are in school. That can only be recipe for one thing borrowing. And so he borrowed. As expected, his borrowing was denied with the words "baba *****, wachanga mchezo saa singine. Si unachua tunawesa patwo na mama **** tukifanya hii maneno". Now, gentleman, when a lady uses such words, know one thing- you are no longer borrowing. Just work on logistics. She just needs assurance that its safe to engage in coitus without being caught by mama. And "my friend" knew that. So, he decided to leave it at that and work on the logistics. That was on Monday.

The erections week was long coz Thursday found him and the misbotch in the same scenario- home alone, leso, ass, TV, etc. As the mboch was wiping something on the wall, baba nanii stretched his hand and grabbed her by the puthy, Donald Trump style. The mboch reminded him of the imminent danger of the wife walking in on them. He had already covered his ass for such an eventuality. There's an app called Fake SMS. Yule hajawai itumia bado ako baby class. So, there was an SMS "from the wife" saying ametumwa job machakos, and therefore she will be coming home a bit late in the evening. Si mnajua jam ya Mombasa road. He showed the message to the misbotch. " Baba ****, si ati nakataa kukupatieko, lakini saa hii siko safe days" was the reply. Obstacle number two, coz he never kept CDs in the house, and couldn't risk being smitten to ashes by the Lord just in case he poured outside.

Then he remembered. The search for the keys. And the CDs in his boy's suitcase. And the ass. But he figured out that if he took any, the boy would notice and definitely suspect the dad coz they are the only two men in the house, plus he's the only one who had been into that suitcase. So he suggested that he goes out to buy some CDs.

"Baba nanii, wacha kwenda. Wacha nikuchukulie zingine naonanga hapa kwa *****", and she dashed off to the boy's bedroom. She wasn't guessing coz a few secs later, she came back with a pack. Dad questioned how she knew. She said anaonanga penye anazitoanga.

Well, "my friend" ate the cat, but he knew he has shared with his son.
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Village Elder

Miss Finest Wine

Weeeee given the things I have read here...sitaandika a mboch. Houseboy all the way. Anko uko na maneno mob. But all in all bril narration.