dowry

[mtadao]

@gashwin

i don’t know about your place but among the Agikuyu, and i know even the Babukusu, the boy needs the permission of the uncle before he is cut…ni mila…

True

[The.Black.Templar]

@M2Random huyo sistako kwani shida yake ni hani? Anyway…hio ni kuwakosea heshima nyinyi…but I also think there is more to the story you are not sharing

[mtadao]

Is dowry=Bride price?

[baogu]

@M2Random

My father said that he would pay for the circumcision and allow the boy to be circumscised by mid Dec kama huyo jamaa hatakuwa amekuja home kujulikana. From then on, he will assume that his daughter is not married and that that can can forever never come home because he is not welcome.

that’s better

[M2Random]

@The.Black.Templar

@M2Random huyo sistako kwani shida yake ni hani? Anyway…hio ni kuwakosea heshima nyinyi…but I also think there is more to the story you are not sharing

There is no back story. If there is one, t must be between her and her husband that maybe we dont know about. Juu sioni vile msichana normal atakubali kukaa na bwana nyumba moja for 15 years, get two children, na huyo mwanaume hajawahi kuja home hata once…it shows that she is somewhat stupid na haoni anatumiwa

[gashwin]

@mtadao

Is dowry=Bride price?

no but here in .ke we use the words interchangeably- actually we use dowry to mean brideprice…

[kev]

Kw

@M2Random

She was advised not to get another child (second born) before bringing her husband home ajulikane. Lakini wapi…she got pregnant and delivered before bringing him home…wise ladies especially wa huku Nairobi will not allow you to impregnate them without making it somewhat official because they understand the importance.

Kwani iyo presumption ya marriage inawork aje…si i thought iyo sheria ilibadilishwa such that ukikaa na msichana for a continous 6 month na neibors wanaona mnaishi kama hazi na wify…na kuzidisha mnazaa…hapo nyinyi ni bwana na bibi…

[gashwin]

@kev

Kw

Kwani iyo presumption ya marriage inawork aje…si i thought iyo sheria ilibadilishwa such that ukikaa na msichana for a continous 6 month na neibors wanaona mnaishi kama hazi na wify…na kuzidisha mnazaa…hapo nyinyi ni bwana na bibi…

if it came to where parties would have to prove marriage hao neighbours wanaweza kosa conveniently…by the way @M2Random is your sis known to her inlaws?

[M2Random]

@kev

Kw

Kwani iyo presumption ya marriage inawork aje…si i thought iyo sheria ilibadilishwa such that ukikaa na msichana for a continous 6 month na neibors wanaona mnaishi kama hazi na wify…na kuzidisha mnazaa…hapo nyinyi ni bwana na bibi…

Uko na point. I am not good at law. Anyway, the point is, sister yangu ameshazalia huyo bwana yake watoto…wameishi for 15 years, one is a girl, the other is a boy. Kijana akitahiri, which he will hii December, the man will have no reason whatsoever to pay dowry. Why would he pay dowry anyway, there is no incentive for him to pay. There is a reason men pay for dowry, or at least make it official, before their wives can agree to give them many children…the first child hueleweka…why pay when the job is over?

[M2Random]

@gashwin

if it came to where parties would have to prove marriage hao neighbours wanaweza kosa conveniently…by the way @M2Random is your sis known to her inlaws?

Yeah. She has gone to their place several times on Christmas holidays.

[kev]

@M2Random

Uko na point. I am not good at law. Anyway, the point is, sister yangu ameshazalia huyo bwana yake watoto…wameishi for 15 years, one is a girl, the other is a boy. Kijana akitahiri, which he will hii December, the man will have no reason whatsoever to pay dowry. Why would he pay dowry anyway, there is no incentive for him to pay. There is a reason men pay for dowry, or at least make it official, before their wives can agree to give them many children…the first child hueleweka…why pay when the job is over?

Hapo kuna marriage iyo ya presumption…iyo ilikuwa itended kwa situation kama hizi

[gashwin]

@M2Random

Uko na point. I am not good at law. Anyway, the point is, sister yangu ameshazalia huyo bwana yake watoto…wameishi for 15 years, one is a girl, the other is a boy. Kijana akitahiri, which he will hii December, the man will have no reason whatsoever to pay dowry. Why would he pay dowry anyway, there is no incentive for him to pay. There is a reason men pay for dowry, or at least make it official, before their wives can agree to give them many children…the first child hueleweka…why pay when the job is over?

by the way ni watu comfortable au ni mashida shida hivi?

[M2Random]

@gashwin

by the way ni watu comfortable au ni mashida shida hivi?

Lets just say hawana shida. Why?

[karema-hitI]

Maybe they are happy with things as they are without in laws interference. Kuna watu hawapendi kusumbilwa.

[WuTang]

@M2Random

My father said that he would pay for the circumcision and allow the boy to be circumscised by mid Dec kama huyo jamaa hatakuwa amekuja home kujulikana. From then on, he will assume that his daughter is not married and that that can can forever never come home because he is not welcome.

Which rights does he have over the boy to make such a decision? Does your sister’s son live with your dad?

[petervic]

@M2Random

My sister and my father are not in good terms over this issue called dowry. My sister got married while young just after secondary school she got pregnant. Currently, she has two children, a younger daughter (about 2 years) and the son who is the first born. Her husband has never come home even once, and this makes my father furious. He had even advised my sister to bring him home ajulikane before she can get another child with him, lakini wapi. Now, her son is 14 years old, just cleared primary school and yet to be circumcised. Reason: My father insists that her husband has to come home ajulikane before he can have the son circumcised. I wonder who is right/wrong in this situation but in a way I side with my father because for almost 15 years they have been together, her husband has never set foot at our home huko ocha. Is my sister as stupid as I think she is??

Hizi vitu za tradition bana zohufanya watu walie,and at times it’s not good to ignore them especially if parents are involved

[petervic]

@M2Random

Nothing. That is why my father thinks that my sister is the greatest fool South of the Sahara. I side with my dad on this one, because his man has never come home for 15 years…wazazi wangu hawamjui…and he has fathered her two children.

Nawewe unamjua?

[gashwin]

@M2Random

Lets just say hawana shida. Why?

i am trying to diagnose the problem- though i am realizing there are so many variables that could have led to the situation. like have her inlaws never wanted to know their counterparts? is the “union” cross-cultural/cross-county? are the couple embarassed/they do not know how to explain why they took so long so that they continue delaying the inevitable? Is the husband the kind who would like a flashy occasion but perhaps the means are scarce? and so on…

[M2Random]

@petervic

Nawewe unamjua?

Me and my brother tunamjua. My parents hawamjui.

[petervic]

@M2Random

Me and my brother tunamjua. My parents hawamjui.

Sit him down and tell him time and again that your dad needs to see him urgently …