A couple of days ago I went partying at Anuba Lounge in Mombasa with a couple of friends. At around 3 am Dan, a longtime buddy of mine, suggests we try out Sheba Lounge.
On getting to Sheba, which is on the 3rd floor of City Mall Nyali, we sit on a table next to the counter & order beers. I’m excited to find out that 70% of the revelers in this nightclub are females.
The Dj is playing some nice Jamaican tunes riddims. Funny enough nobody is dancing. I say screw it, get off my seat and start dancing. I dance alone for like ten minutes. Out of nowhere this mami comes and starts grinding on me as her friends cheer her on.
She is the dark-chocolate glowing kind of ladies. She has an easy smile, sizeable boobs and an ass bigger than what I like. She also has a decent weave, tiny earrings, a white top & black pants, which accentuates all her curves.
I grab her ass & grind her like a pro. Mara she grabs a bar stool bends over shaking her ass. Meanwhile, I’m seriously gyrating on her. When the music ends she quickly dashes back to her table even before I say a word. I move to my table chat up my buddy, finish my beer & order another one.
When I start dancing again the mysterious lady joins me. This time she jumps into my arms wraps her legs around my waist with her hands holding my neck and wines. She is freaking heavy. I’m struggling to hold her but I try not to show it. Several people in the club crane their necks to see what we are doing. We are the only people dancing.
Now that she is facing. I attempt to strike a conversation. I compliment her dancing skills, ask her name etc. Each time, she just smiles at me without answering any of my questions. I finally give up and concentrate on dancing. Got to admit she is really good.
She bends over, touches the floor and shakes her ass. I grab her waist and sync with all her moves. She then stands up, lean on my chest as we slow dance to some RnB. Meanwhile, my hands are exploring all the protruding features of her body. She keeps on smiling, biting her lower lip & winking at me leaving me confused.
On the table next to us are two middle-aged white men. The slender one says something while pointing in our direction. The lady pushes me away and goes charging at the white man.
“What did you just say?..what did you just say?..” She shouts on top of her lungs.
The white man throws his glass at her. She ducks. The glass misses me by inches and smashes against the counter.
That’s when the chile goes berserk. She unleashes a string of expletives, grabs empty bottles of beer, half-full glasses, ashtrays and throws them at the mzungu.
I instinctively duck as glass projectiles fly overhead from either side. The old white man is also throwing stuff at her.
On moving out of harm’s way I stand to watch the unfolding drama.
After a moment of sheer destruction that left a trail of broken glass & spilled liquor. Bouncers drag both the lady and mzungu out of the club. The old geezer is forced to pay for the damages & barred from entering the bar.
The lady is allowed to go back to her table after another middle-aged man whom I presume to be the manager/owner intervened.
After witnessing how violent she is, I move to the bar counter in a bid to avoid her.
To my left on the bar counter, I see this 2GB yellow-yellow lady drinking alone. She has an open bottle of Heineken in one hand & three tots of Rose Tequila before her.
“Maish enda ubonge na yeye, she looks lonely.” Say Dan.
I take a gulp of my beer, muster some courage & walk up to her. I slide into the seat next to her.
“Sasa!”
“Poa.” She replies.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m good.”
“You don’t look okay, I thought you might need some company so I came over.”
She rudely checks me out from my shoes, pants, shirt to my face. She stares at my rugged hair for a couple seconds.
“Do you want me to buy you a beer or something?” She says in a condescending tone while beckoning the waitress.
I lose my cool.
“WTF?! You think I came here to hassle you for a drink?” I ask and get up on my feet.
She stretches her hand and stops me.
"I didn’t mean that…I just want to buy you a drink. "
“No thank you. I have two unopened bottles.” I say pointing at my drinks.
“Okay, can you at least sit down?”
I sit down.
“I’m Njeri.”
“Mark Maish.”
“Okay Maish, I’m not okay. I’m stressed out.”
She tells me of how she argued with her husband earlier in the night at some other club so she took a cab to Sheba because it’s close to home.
Afraid that I might grow some boobs if I continue listening to her relationship problems I shift my focus to her physical appearance. She looks thirty-something. She has got long black hair tied into a ponytail. No makeup on so I can see signs of aging on her face. She is not that pretty up close, however, she has got a surprisingly model-like figure, flat tummy & no love handles.
At this moment I feel really buzzed having surpassed my alcohol limit. I know I should go home but then my smaller head has taken charge of my decision-making.
“Mbona unaniangalia ivo?” She asks while her hand is caressing my inner thigh.
“Aje?”
“You are looking at me with a sly smile.”
“I want to f**k you.”
“You really don’t want to do that!”
“Haiya, why?”
“My pu**y isn’t sweet.”
“Well that’s for me to decide.”
“For real, I know plus I have two kids.”
Njeri reveals that she has two kids. Apparently, she was married early by some wealthy ninja. She repeatedly tells me that she lives in Nyali and Joho is her immediate neighbor. Ati she has lots of money but is extremely bored and lonely. Mara although the husband has another wife & is always away on business he is very insecure.
Dan comes over and tells me he is calling it a night. I promise to call him the next morning.
Njeri blathers on about her mundane life till I’m completely bored. I announce that I’m leaving. She asks me to wait for her as she goes to the washroom. Fifteen minutes later she comes back smelling really nice & asks me to walk her home.
She gets all touchy in the elevator much to the annoyance of the other fellas. I try to convince her to go back go back home with me but she wouldn’t hear any of it.
On getting to the ground floor we stagger out through the back exit. Behind City Mall is this long, straight deserted street running parallel to the mall. It is well-lit such that you can see someone almost 500metres away. We join the street and turn left. She takes off her heels and holds them in her hand.
“Mark, I can’t go all the way to your place in when I live a walking distance from here.”
We walk for like a hundred metres before she turns towards me & grabs my neck. Without heels, she is pretty short so I have to bend. She goes for my lips.
She takes both of my lips into her mouth, sucks too hard, bites my lower lip and smears saliva all over my face. That’s the sloppiest kiss I have ever had.
I try to avoid kissing her but boy she is persistent. She slides her right hand into my pants and grabs my member. I momentarily ignore her disgusting kissing. One of my hand on her breasts and the other caressing her bum. All I’m thinking is how I will fikisha the proverbial Ktalk threshold. Sadly, the street is too lit for some roadside action.
We walk a couple of meters then cross the road. We walk up to some house with an imposing gate, high walls and electric fence on top.
“Shhh be quiet my kids are asleep.” She says while fumbling through her handbag for her house keys.
“What about your husband?”
“My husband usually gets home at 6.”
My watch reads 5:35 AM.
“What will happen If he finds me?”
“Mark, stop worrying. We are just going to sleep nothing will happen between us. If he asks I will tell him you are a friend.”
She succeeds in opening the gate, grabs my hand and tries to pull me in. I resist. The hairs on the back of my neck stand. I remember this video, that was doing rounds on WhatsApp, of a guy who was sexually violated by a mob after he was caught sleeping with someone’s wife.
Suddenly I have this moment of clarity.
What The f**k I’m I Doing Here? It’s 5 am and I’m miles away from my warm bed, sneaking into a stranger’s house with a married woman whose husband is on the way. If the man finds me screwing his wife he will definitely kill me and probably bury my bloody headless body in his expansive garden.
My family & friends will never know what happened to me, hell I don’t even have a kid to continue my lineage. All that risk for some bed action with an older woman whom I would never hang out with during the day out of shame?
Njeri shoves her phone and handbag into my hands and goes into her compound perhaps thinking I will meekly follow her.
I place her belongings on the pavement & walked back to City Mall where I take a cab to Mikindani.
Ever had such a What The f**k Am I Doing Here Moment?
~ Written by Mark Maish
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